Humiliation just solidified my decision
If I was ever questioning my decision to move forward with the DS, I won't again. I am on vacation and my kids wanted to go to Cedar Point. I am an adrenaline junkie so they didn't have to ask me twice. I'm in line for the best ride ever, I think it's called the Dragster or something like that, and I'm nervous but not about the ride. I'm not sure I'll fit in the seat. I am in line for literally 45 minutes and that's all I can think of. I get to the front of the line and in the seat - seatbelt won't click. I'm about to get up and gracefully exit when the attendant comes over, pushes my fat belly up so that it's almost wrapped over my head and makes a grunting noise as he clicks the belt. He then closes the lap bar on so tight, I can barely breathe. And, here's the best part, mutters something about fat people under his breath as he walks away. I'm practically in tears as we're waiting to "take off" for the coaster. I didn't go on any other rides for the next two days because I was terrified of repeating that experience.
Never again.
Then I come back and my Aunt sends me this longevity calculator from her insurance company. I fill it out and it says I should live 84 years - not bad. I fill it out again and change only my weight and my cholesterol (adjusted both to normal) and now I'm living 98 years. That hit me hard. By doing nothing, I could potentially be robbing my kids and grandkids (someday!) of time with their Mom/Nana. I almost feel selfish NOT having the surgery now.
Still terrified, but more determined than ever. In month one of 6 month diet which is stupid because I'm already banded, but whatever. I'll do whatever it takes to get this done.
Okay, I'm off my soapbox. I just needed to vent out the humiliation I was feeling. So embarrassing....
PS - that ride, despite the jerk who clicked me in, was AWESOME
I would also be all UP in that jackasses **** about treating you like that...probably NOT to his face b/c I would be humiliated like you. But I WOULD be calling the main office and lodging a complaint about it. That is BULL****
Now that you are firm in your decision - start reading, reading, reading! And don't allow any "helpful" comments or attempts to dissuade you get you down. My thinking pre-op was that if it wasn't a helpful or supportive comment, it didn't get "air time' with me, period. I would just say it wasn't open for discussion and leave it at that. If that didn't work I would remove myself from said conversation.
Sandy
I think most of us have had moments like this. Here's mine:
http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/DS/4026094/Never-so-ashamed-and-hurt/
I posted this a while back. My heart was breaking. Fast forward. I had my DS 10.5 months ago. I've lost 120 lbs. I eat wonderfully.Take my vites faithfully. Life is good now. I'm still 215lbs but I have guys winking at me, taking double takes, and honking their horns at me. I don't care what others think now because *I* like me now. LOVE my DS!!!
Ruby
tazmaddy34 is my HW/SW/CW/GW 346/335/183/150 5'4.25"
My heart was breaking for you as I read about Cedar Point. Then I read your determination to get healthy and I thought, Wow, she's a strong woman. Then, at the very end I read your PS and I burst out laughing! You, and Kirmy from a magical land that I know is full of rainbows, give me such hope because of your humor! Thank you.