Are you better at setting boundaries now?

hey Kirms, got 2 words for him "emotional fuckwit" ..or does that count as 3? lol

What is it with all these insecure people???? Why do they get so thown by a little change or growth in others?? probably because they are emotionally and spiritually on a much much lower percentile??

He has gone and thrown away the friendship of someoe genuine and until he DOES grow and develop he won't even know what a huge loss that is...ironic eh??

anyway we luv ya chick..and when I'm back in blighty , we'll go out and be as badly behaved as two formerly fat chicks can be lol Mwah..XX

Yorkie xx

Too bloody right Mrs!  I'm gonna have a steak in one hand and a bourbon in the other and be shrieking like a parrotl. I cannae wait.

Yep. I did not read everyone else's posts, but I can tell you that I have jettisoned a lot of cargo in my life since my DS and I think that's an important part of setting boundaries.

Previously, I held onto some relationships way too long. And tried to "help" people who seemed hellbent on self-destruction. Now, if that person lives in a way that is contrary to my values and those of my family, I have to let them go. (And no, I am NOT religious even a little bit.)

For example...boozehounds or unrepentent homewreckers--be gone! If I can't have you in front of my kids, then I cannot have you in my life. That means having to be firm and that is not always easy, but the end result--peace of mind and comfort--is worth it. If I fill my life with people I admire for their good sense and kind hearts, how can I go wrong?

Maybe I am getting old and cranky too.

Nicolle

Family always comes first and living around drunken arseholes is fun for about three seconds.  Good for you for having the brass balls to eject the sub-pars.

Humm...i wonder how it will be after surgery for me. I am one of those ober confident fat girls. I'm actually called "The Boss" at work because I have a habit of speaking my mind and not letting ppl get away with their bull**** BUT ive been fat ALL my life and my weight has not really ever been an issue for me. My motto actually is "If you dont like the way my fat ass looks, then stare at the wall so you dont see me!" HAHA

Well, you've read lots of my story, so you know I have LOTS thicker boundaries than I used to have. Sometimes too thick. But hell yes, I'll confront just about anyone. I attempt to be polite about it sometimes lol.

My favorite such event from the past semester was when I overheard a little **** of a sociopath going on in the SUB to her little friends about all her stealing from vendors, shopkeepers etc. I told her precisely what I thought of her, in tones befitting a bishop and her grandmother wrapped up in one, in a volume that carried throughout the SUB, even all the way into the kitchen. I got thanked a few times over for that one. Good Lord what a little **** I sure hope she's not around next semester.

 Oh lordy, I'm that way too.   I don't know if it's the teacher in me or the thin person in me, sometimes.

I don't think any of those particular girls knew I was a plain ol' undergrad :-D. I happened to be dressed in presentation attire that day--one of my little peeves is that these kids don't know better than to stand in front of their class, professor (for several in that class also academic advisor and internship mentor) and whoever else happens to be along for the ride and present in something more than pajama pants and a sweatshirts. So I model professional attire for the youngsters, which means I usually look like administration. That helped make a bigger impression, if not on the little sociopath, then on her friends. I hope.

I feel like I am way better at setting boundaries these days - at work, with friends, and with my ex and his family.  However, when it comes to my parents and my sister, I still suck at it.  In 75% of my life, I am all about taking care of what is important to me.  The other 25%, which relates to my family, still feels like I need to be the constant giver and doer to keep everyone happy and loving me.  It's ridiculous, and it is something that really ****** me off about myself.

Over Memorial Day weekend, the toilet in my bathroom developed a huge crack in the tank and had water pouring out of it.  I turned off the water, drained it, and called my dad to tell him about the problem.  He said he'd take care of it sometime during the week (my dad's a contractor, so replacing a toilet is not an unrealistic expectation here).  The end of the week comes, and he calls to tell me that he's just been too busy, and he'll get to me next week.  So, this week has gone by, and he's not called or shown up to replace the toilet.  The more I think about it, the more pissed I get because whenever he or my mom needs something, I drop everything and do it for them.  I am going to call him on Monday morning and express my anger and disappointment in the fact that I am obviously not a priority to him.  We'll see how that goes.  [And just in case you were all wondering how I've gotten by without a toilet for two weeks - luckily, I have two bathrooms in my house, and the other toilet works just fine!  LOL]

The thing is, I'm a firm believer in, "If you say you're going to do something, than you'd better do it."  I have no problems calling out my friends, employees, and co-workers on this, but I somehow struggle calling out my family.  I don't know why, other than I think I have this deep-rooted fear that I am going to **** them off and then they really won't be there for me if and when I need them.  Grrrrr.

Yes, do it.  Politely, but do it.   Barry's kisses his daughters' and his parents' ass, and they hate me because I refuse to do the same.  I am always polite, but I've set big limits with them.   I think they're finally beginning to respect my boundaries, but it's been a tough year.