Body dysmorphic or a fuddy-duddy?

 I am the mother of the groom.   I have to practice saying that, as my son is getting married in August.   His beautiful bride is from the Kalispell, Montana area, and the wedding will be held outdoors, on Flathead Lake, in the early evening.   The men are not wearing tuxes - just plain suits, and the bride has ordered a simple wedding dress from J Crew.    Bridesmaid's gowns have not yet been chosen - they will be simply off the rack, and my son and his fiance' want the wedding to be "simple, yet elegant."    Both the bride's mom and I have been fretting, via email, about our respective dresses, and we know only that the colors will be somewhere in the spectrum of "Montana wildflowers."    Grrrrrr....

Anyway, I found a dress somewhat similar to this:



Nice and safe, covers my arms, the evenings will be cool, etc.    I sent the pic to my sister and my mom.   My sister responds back...."Are you ******g kidding me??   You're 50, not 70!   You've got a rockin' figure, and why do you want to dress like you're still a size 16?"   Uhhh....I thought it looked pretty damn good.     So she sends me some examples she thinks are more appropriate:


or this:


So, I'm telling my sister - "absolutely not, satin will make me look fat...I have big calves...those dresses are too form fitting....blah blah blah," and she (who has had the DS too and is now a bean pole) shoots back that I have body dysmorphia issues since I don't think I can wear a dress like this and I need to see a psychologist.    I merely think I'm just not accustomed to wearing something so....I guess....attention grabbing.     So, I just don't know.   Am I merely an old fart who wants to play it safe or messed up in the head?

I think the dress you chose is very lovely. It' about you and your comfort on that day too. If you dont feel comfy with a tight shorter dress dont be pressured into it. Keep the options open and try on many things and you will make the right decision. But dont be pressured into dresses you dont agree are "you." You arent there to flaunt your figure or upstage the bride so dressing age appropriate sounds more practical to me.

Um... Hello?  Earth To Julie... Come in, Julie...


You're f'ing gorgeous, and you're being a fuddy duddy.  I'm behind your sister 100%.  If you're worried about your arms, go with the last dress you posted.  But seriously, you could rock any dress you put on. 

I'm older then you by a quit a few years, so I can say " You are not a old fuddy-duddy". You should wear what you are most comfortable with. Any of the dresses would look beautiful on you but go with what YOU like. I know you do want to look your best and you should, but that occasion will be about your son and daughter to be and not about your sister, mother-in-laws or anyone else. 

I've been through 2 weddings, one my son's and one my daughter's. There is so much stress most of the time that people forget what it is really all about. 

Try not to stress to much.

Try to enjoy it.

You know what's most stressful about this wedding, Inge?  Arranging to get everyone out to Montana!   Do we fly?  do we take the train?  Do we drive?  Where do we stay?   Kalispell is a huge vacation destination, and we've found that lodging is already filling up fast!    My daughter is getting married next summer (I have been forbidden to wear the same dress two years in a row, LOL)  and at least her wedding is in the Detroit area, which is where my family is all from - I'm now four hours from there, but that'll be easy by comparison.  

 I don't envy you. If it was me I would fly, but then that's what I do mostly anytime I want to travel. It always seems easier to just rent a car when you get there, but that's just me.
If you want to stay you don't want to wait to long , you don't want to find out there are no more rooms. 
Things like that definitely complicate things for you. 

Well, at least the weddings are 1 year apart.

I know my kids where 2 years apart so that made it a lot easier. Also even though my daughters was a very normal, formal church wedding, with a reception right after. It made it easier because we had it at the Church rec-hall. My sons was easy he got married actually outside out in the country, where he and his girl lived. 

I know any time you have to travel for the wedding it makes it a lot more of a challenge. 
I'm sending you lots of good wishes, hopefully it will turn out all exciting and fun for you.

Inge

 Hey Jules! 
I LOVE that green dress! But I hear you on the leg thing. My legs are hideous (lumpy, veiny, cankles and all). I HATE wearing skirts.

Bottom line, no matter how gorgeous the dress is on you, if you are self conscious you aren't going to enjoy your day. 

How about a flowing pant/dress. You know the ones with the really wide flowing legs? I have seen some gorgeous ones like that with a fitted frilly top. JCPenny has a HUGE selection. 

By the way...my brother and I got married 2 months apart and my mom wore the same dress. I assured it would be just fine and why waste the money on 2 dresses in 2 months. Of course, my wedding was first. LOL. 

I might just go with a long dress.....the bride's mom is wearing long, because she is walking her down the aisle and wants to balance out with her.   She just sent me a picture of her dress and it's VERY pretty, but frilly, and violet colored.   I don't want to go as frilly as her, but it does free me up to wear something a bit more unrestrained.   Long would cover my cankles quite nicely, LOL

I think the one you chose is lovely if a bit "safe".
Honestly I don't think the second is appropriate for a motg.
However I love the third one and I think you could absolutely rock it.

I say, go try some on and post those pictures. We'll tell you the truth! Dysmorphia is a very difficult thing to beat!