Honoring/mourning the pre-op self
(deactivated member)
on 12/20/10 2:55 pm - Markham, Canada
on 12/20/10 2:55 pm - Markham, Canada
I really loved your post Jenna. It really hit home with me. I'm still the pre-op you, and I often have a hard time contemplating the fact that this surgery can give me the chance to feel like a whole new person... to leave the old me behind.
The me who no longer enjoys shopping because:
a) Almost nothing at the mall fits me, and if it does, it doesn't suit my body shape.
b) I can only go to a couple of stores at once. Although I'm only 29, I'm not able to walk around the mall and can't keep up with my Mother who is in her mid 50's. If I need to visit 2 stores that are at opposite ends of the mall, I'll have to come back another day to visit store #2 because there is no way I'm walking all the way there. I'll be exhausted, start sweating and breathing like a pig, and my feet will kill me.
c) Being in public means I will be seen. I sometimes catch little kids staring at me in awe. Or if I get hungry and decide to have a meal like everyone else at the food court, people will look at me and wonder why I'm eating.
The me whose social anxiety becomes more and more severe as the numbers on my scale climb.
The me who runs for cover if I see an old aquaintance that I haven't seen in years while being out in public because I don't want them to see how much bigger I've gotten.
The me with the "pretty face." I've always been told I have a pretty FACE. No one can ever just say I'm pretty because they have to be sure to assure me that the rest of me is ugly.
I know these feelings and issues apply to almost everyone on this board, not just me. But it would just feel so surreal to look back at these daily struggles one day and realize that it no longer applies to me. Your post really spoke to me... to see how different life is after the DS. It was so beautifully and articulately written... much like your other posts/blogs. Thank you for sharing it with us.
I didn't mean to hijack your post and make it about me, but I just wanted to share how much it touched me.
The me who no longer enjoys shopping because:
a) Almost nothing at the mall fits me, and if it does, it doesn't suit my body shape.
b) I can only go to a couple of stores at once. Although I'm only 29, I'm not able to walk around the mall and can't keep up with my Mother who is in her mid 50's. If I need to visit 2 stores that are at opposite ends of the mall, I'll have to come back another day to visit store #2 because there is no way I'm walking all the way there. I'll be exhausted, start sweating and breathing like a pig, and my feet will kill me.
c) Being in public means I will be seen. I sometimes catch little kids staring at me in awe. Or if I get hungry and decide to have a meal like everyone else at the food court, people will look at me and wonder why I'm eating.
The me whose social anxiety becomes more and more severe as the numbers on my scale climb.
The me who runs for cover if I see an old aquaintance that I haven't seen in years while being out in public because I don't want them to see how much bigger I've gotten.
The me with the "pretty face." I've always been told I have a pretty FACE. No one can ever just say I'm pretty because they have to be sure to assure me that the rest of me is ugly.
I know these feelings and issues apply to almost everyone on this board, not just me. But it would just feel so surreal to look back at these daily struggles one day and realize that it no longer applies to me. Your post really spoke to me... to see how different life is after the DS. It was so beautifully and articulately written... much like your other posts/blogs. Thank you for sharing it with us.
I didn't mean to hijack your post and make it about me, but I just wanted to share how much it touched me.
Where's the LIKE button when you really need it?
Jenna, please cross post this to your blog...... when hopefuls are googling DS and they find you, this would be a wonderful thing for them to be able to read!!! Merry Christmas! Mary
Jenna, please cross post this to your blog...... when hopefuls are googling DS and they find you, this would be a wonderful thing for them to be able to read!!! Merry Christmas! Mary
DS Part 1 (VSG) 11/14/06 DS Part 2 12/18/07
HW 430 SW 400 CW 210 GW 170 Blog: lifeisgood-mc.blogspot.com
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