Need a minute to vent about the forum, & advice/links for all newbies inside

HEHEHE.... you may use it!!

I'll admit it.  I'm afraid to post thoughts, feelings, questions these days.  Well 'afraid' is too strong.  I'm just not doing it.  Not because I can't handle the backlash - but because 'tough love' while needed in some cases, seems to be (sometimes) the only thing that is doled out - and it's REALLY tough love.  And frankly, I'm not always sure it's love.....sometimes it's just the tough part.  Sometimes I do need a soft place to fall - ya know?  And if this board isn't it - that's cool.  I'll post when I'm ok with tough love.

See, this is what I'm talking about.  I LOVE YOU, and now I hear you're afraid to post.  You have never been whiney or annoying.  I look at you as one of the more "informed" post ops.  You're not copying and pasting **** about cyber-bullying, yet you're afraid to ask questions.  How do we change this for you?  I hate that you feel this way.

Lori

Thanks Lori and Kim. I think you guys are terrific too. 

I am thinking through this and man - it's a tough question to anwer!

Here's what I know:

The repeat posts are WHY I learned so much about the DS.  I just would go through other people's daily postings and read the answers.  I honestly didn't do a lot of searching on this site and I didn't read THAT many profiles - some, but not crazy.  It was just a daily checking in and reading what was being posted and what veterans were saying.  so where for veterans it might be a repeat question that has been answered 4,567 times.....for a 'new generation' it's a brand new question that might help someone reading (me) learn a little.  Just from reading posts from January to June, I learned enough for Dr. Pomp to call me 'compulsive', lol.  All those posts spurned me to look up studies, to search the web, to check out other websites, etc.  And I walked into my first appt ARMED!   Oh, and veterans posting links to old posts they had bookmarked as answers helped too.

As far as being hesistant to post....I'll be honest about a few things:

I know I'm not the only one.  Other, really great pretty newish pre-ops aren't posting their concerns 'cause they are spooked.

For me?  Some of this has to do with what happened to Emilie.  I get tough love - but if someone ******g calls my doctor 'cause they don't like what I'm doing, i'm gonna be PISSED!!!  Ya know?  So - yeah - that was pretty freaky for me.

Here's an example of the 'tough love' issue:
I'm four weeks out today and I haven't lost any weight in a week.  I know it's nothing to freak out about.  I know there are normal fluctuations.  I know i might be replacing glycogen stores, I know I might be losing inches, I know my body might be freakin' out a little because it thinks i'm starving.  I know all that stuff.  But I STILL wanted to post because there are little demons in my head saying 'yep - i hope you like you're 20lbs gone....'cause that's it lady'.  That's not about what I know - it's about what i'm afraid of.  But, I was concerned if I posted I'd hear "oh my god, chill out, you're so stupid, i hope those demons eat your brain"

Sometimes a person needs to obsess.  Sometimes they need to freak out.  And so much tolerance is needed for either of those to happen, ya know?  Maybe we can ask people 'do you need answers right now, or do you just need support'.  'Cause sometimes people just wanna be heard.

And ultimately - I think everyone just wants validation. 

I have no idea if any of this is helpful.  But I'm willing to keep having the conversation to sort this out!

"For me?  Some of this has to do with what happened to Emilie.  I get tough love - but if someone ******g calls my doctor 'cause they don't like what I'm doing, i'm gonna be PISSED!!!  Ya know?  So - yeah - that was pretty freaky for me."

If it saved someone's life, I'd do it every day of the week - and quite frankly, I don't care if you LIKE it.   If you're alive to hate me because of it, then it was worth it.

People who are in self-destruct mode do NOT know what's best for them, and posting their issues on a board instead of communicating with their doctor is dangerous    What Emilie was doing could KILL her, and her doctor needed to know that information.     What he does with it from there, is between the two of them.   

--BT

I'm sorry - we disagree strongly.  She made clear she'd called her nutritionist and was very receptive to all of the information.  She wasn't threatening suicide.  She was asking for help and she got it and she took it.  And she told her doctor first.

she is not child - she was already struggling with being treated like one - and yet someone acted like a parent so then her doctor could once again treat her like a child.  That is not the responsiblity of anyone on this board.

Someone can tell themselves they 'saved a life' but they didn't.  She saved her own life.  Someone wanted to feel like a savior.

It takes a HUGE and strong woman to post what she posted here.  Someone over reached their boundaries.

When I posted that someone needed to call her doctor, she had NOT discussed this with anyone in her surgeon's office, and had NOT posted on the board in over twelve hours.   Based on the out of control behaviour she had posted about, there was a potential that she was lying on her floor at home dead or dying.    Calling for help is NOT treating her like a child - it's recognizing the potential that an emergency has happened and acting on it.    That is the act of a responsible citizen.

She LATER posted that she had communicated with the nutritionist at her office - but that was several hours after my request.

--BT

Tell yourself what you need to.  A lot of responsible adults completely disagree with you.

In my opinion, she made it very clear on that thread that she was hearing and was changing.  She was not resistant at all.  Calling her doctor, I believe, was an overreaction.  At the very least she is owed an apology.

Any of us could be dead at any moment from a myriad of things.  Should someone call my doctor if I haven't posted in a few hours after I say I'm sad?

I was asked a question about why I felt this way - I answered the question.  I'm not going to argue this point any longer.  It's not what this thread is for.

My point was this is why I am hesitant to being vulnerable here and why others are as well.

"Should someone call my doctor if I haven't posted in a few hours after I say I'm sad?"

That is ridiculous and you know it.    What she was doing could KILL her.   Your example is NOT on the same level of urgency or importance.    if you can't or won't see that, I can't make  you get it.

http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/DS/3993074/Let-the-flaming -begin/#32304909

Find me a post on THIS thread where she indicated she had called her doctor BEFORE my post quoted below, and then I'll believe you.   Until then, I stand by the facts. 

Post Date 8/4/09 1:32 pm
Topic: RE: Let the flaming begin

Maureen -

Emilie hasn't posted since late last night.   Would you please call Jackie, and ask her and/or Dr Hares to review the posts here on the board?     She may be too ill to report in herself, and she may need an intervention.

Thanks!

--BT 

Again - tell yourself whatever you need.  A lot of people disagree with you. 

And no, it's not ridiculous and please don't talk me like I'm a child - people post about unhealthy, potentially short-term or long-term life-threatening behaviors all the time - including debilitating sadness.  Where do you draw the line?  She also had a husband....i'm sure HE knew where she was in that 12 hours, if he was concerned enough to monitor her behavior as closely as he was.

I stand by that she's owed an apology - no matter your intentions.

We disagree.  Let it go.

I was asked a question- I answered it truthfully.  Sorry you don't like that.