Need a minute to vent about the forum, & advice/links for all newbies inside

 Thanks for the help.  I'll take a look.  

I am mainly concerned with trying to explain it to professionals in an emergency room.  I'll look it over and post if I have any more questions.

And you know...it would be easier to take this and other "newbie" questions seriously  if they came from actual newbies as opposed to people with multiple accounts here.

You gotta give it up to CSG though for this one though --- Armenia?!?

Sue, would you mind telling me the username of the person you posted this comment to? They apparently have me blocked. I've never been blocked before, and not sure what I did to deserve the honor, but I'd appreciate knowing who it is.

Thanks,

Jenna 

ETA: Nevermind, I just realized I can log out and figure it out. Duh. 

Kim, not every vet here is as giving and helpful as you, Lori, etc. Some really do seem to dislike newbies and look for opportunities to flame (not give tough love, that's different). I do not think (and did not mean to imply, if I did) most vets here are like that, but the few who are have been pretty trigger-happy lately.

Re: PMs - I feel it helps others to *not* clog up the boards with simple, short questions that have been asked before. I of course want to be respectful of other people's time. The other questions I have just haven't been posted (to anyone) so maybe yes, I am doing myself a disservice. Not enough to want to post and get flamed though, to be honest.

Anyway, see my response to Lori below for more info about where I was going with my post. I can't tell if it really came off that bad to you, or if you knew what I was saying but just wanted to make some points of your own.

Oh, and I'm definitely not strong. I'm pretty much typing this with one hand while curled under my desk in the fetal position. That's not completely a joke. ;)

I was gone for three weeks and tried to catch up last week, so I readily admit that I missed some things --- thank goodness!  It really did crack me up when literally the only two posts of MichyWhatever I opened were both complaining about meanies --- and yet, her avatar was taking up 1/3 of the front page!

Whenever things get really tense around here, I always think about how my entire family (as in 40+) descended upon my house one winter, when I was the only one with electricity because of a wicked ice storm.  Not one of them ever even considered getting a hotel room -or- being proactive and buying a generator (considering we have ice / snow storms every year, would this be unreasonable??)  I could have killed every damn one of them by the time they left (and if it weren't for xanax, I probably would have), but was playing cards & joking with them all within a month.

The only common denominator here is the DS, so every other variable is up for grabs, and it shows!  When I first started reading here (as a post-op having problems) I was scared to death of a handful of people, so I get that, I really do.  Funny thing is, to a person, I have grown to not only appreciate each of the people I was scared of, but truly respect & cherish them for who they are as a person, but most especially for what they bring to this community -- knowledge & wisdom far beyond what I would have ever hope to have without them.  Probably wouldn't have turned out that way had I wagged my finger at them and told them to be nice!  Of course, it isn't just the strong, no-nonsense, direct types that I gained this valuable insight from, but cutting any of them off would have certainly been detrimental to my evolution as a DSer.

Now, for someone who is direct & to the point, I learned early on here to read for content and ignore the delivery.  I didn't have the back story, I didn't care about the relationship of posters, I just wanted information!!  And, you know what?  Some of the most valuable information I got was from some pretty heated discussions!!  Probably not fun for the person being jumped on, but some of the people I have the most respect for brushed themselves off and moved on from it --- they didn't pout and sulk off.

Wow, didn't realize I had so much to say --- can you tell I am frustrated, too (and not with you!).

I really haven't gotten the sense of newbie bashing, but then again, I am not reading it through the eyes of a newbie, so I do appreciate your willingness to explain your feelings further.  You didn't come off as bad to me (since you asked), I really did just want to make those points.... because, that is exactly how I learned!!  I'll bet I didn't post a thing beyond "good job" for the first 8 months I was here  (I still don't post many original threads, nor do I post my milestones or WOWs -- but I appreciate that other people do, just because *I* don't do something doesn't mean I expect anyone else to behave the same way).  I read & read & read, and if *someone* hadn't posted those questions (most of which I didn't even know I had), then I would have never learned all that I did.  THAT is why I encourage you to post your questions!!!  So many others ARE reading --- the jerks that we have experienced around here the last couple weeks (and there will be more!) are the ones getting bashed, not people really asking questions.

I know pre-ops & newbies are sensitive to that right now --- please don't be.  If you get flamed, so be it, brush yourself off and get over it!  I know that is hard to do, but not getting answers to things you truly have questions to is not a good trade off to *possibly* getting your feelings hurt.  This also isn't to say that I am not answering questions that have come to me (a lot) via PM right now, because I am sensitive to what is going on, but some of these things really should be posted for others to learn from.

Now, get out from underneath your desk and toughen the hell up!!  

Wow, I don't think I've ever seen you write so much at one time! Thanks, I really mean it. It IS a bit hard to picture you as shy or afraid of anyone. I'd say you have successfully overcome that obstacle. :) I too read a lot when I first found the board, especially when I was trying to decide between RNY and DS. I didn't start posting until I made the decision to go for DS, and even then it was mostly about how my surgeon screwed me (and I don't mean the fun way). Once I finally had my DS, I felt a little more legitimate but still worried once the fireworks started. I have some nagging questions and I will post them later today or tomorrow.

Also, I just had a 'duh' moment while reading your post. I think all of this tension boils down to a sense of entitlement and obliviousness on the part of the newbies, and THAT is what is making everyone nuts. I don't know why I didn't put 2 and 2 together.

I have a related story sam thing on another board:
 
I belong to a message board that's mostly professional photographers and those who are trying to start a photography business. Almost all of the pros put years of work into learning the craft, studying business, getting constructive criticism and feedback from others, etc. It is HARD work. However, there are always newbies who come along who just got a DSLR camera 2 months ago and now want to open a business, and post things like "What does aperture mean?" . The pros bang their head on the keyboard and tell them to read the freaking board already or use google. The same thing with the business side - people just want to be spoonfed instead of doing their own work. It gets worse every year right after Christmas and Mother's day, lol.

ETA: just now saw Blackthorne's reply to me above, who basically says the same thing but a whole lot better and more eloquently than I can!

On August 13, 2009 at 2:18 PM Pacific Time, Stacey M. wrote:
Also, I just had a 'duh' moment while reading your post. I think all of this tension boils down to a sense of entitlement and obliviousness on the part of the newbies, and THAT is what is making everyone nuts. I don't know why I didn't put 2 and 2 together.


Oprah calls it an ah ha moment --- you got it!!

The post from your other board was perfect.  I ignore a lot of posts at this point, but that doesn't mean that I don't care.

I'm not shy, but just like a lot of people, if I am unsure of myself I won't put myself out there.  Hell yes I am afraid of some people --- being called out is not fun!  I think we learn most about people on how they react to it though, at least I do.  Funny thing though --- I am no longer scared of anyone on this forum for what they may say to me, but I am really scared for a number of people!

Get those nagging questions posted --- doing so really will help more than just you.

Ding-ding!!! She wins a prize. The sense of "entitlement" (same word I used in multiple posts the other day) is what I was talking about. I also used "spoonfeed." As in some "newbies want us to spoonfeed them."

Glad ya got it. Now ask some questions. You've earned that right by NOT being an ********tacey.

Nicolle

That was written very eloquently. It is scary to come on the boards when people have bonds and friendships formed. Yes, newbies like myself ask the same questions over and over again. I know vets have seen the same postings all the time. For me I just feel like this is the place to be like, "I'm not the only one in this thing right?!?!?!?" Cause let's face it, the general population doesn't know crap about this surgery and besides this board and DSFacts.com I don't feel that the info pours in some times. And yes, newbies can be dense. **** I sure can be sometimes because I overwhelm myself trying to learn as much as I can. And now being out of surgery everything is real and it's almost like, "Was I taught how to care for my new insides?" I got to a place where the surgery just consumed me that I couldn't or wouldn't even think about how to do things after surgery. Everything in this new phase is such a learning experience. I feel as though I am in 1st grade and all the people far out are the high school kids that you would look up to.

This board can be intimidating. There is literally a lifetime's worth of information here! I feel like compared to people 1+ years out that I am just the dumbest little twit that ever existed. But every single day I try to learn a little more. So maybe here in a few months that dumb little twit will be able to maybe pass a little advice down to someone that was in my shoes.