Need a minute to vent about the forum, & advice/links for all newbies inside

Yes, baby!  Yes you did!!!  God, I'm so glad to see you here!  You've been sorely missed.

Are you coming back to us here?  Are ya?  Are ya?  Can you drag our newly-hitched friend from the Island back here witcha?

Singing the theme of Welcome Back Kotter: 


Welcome back,
Your dreams were your ticket out.

Welcome back,
To that same old place that you laughed about.

Well the names have all changed since you hung around,
But those dreams have remained and they're turned around.

Who'd have thought they'd lead ya (Who'd have thought they'd lead ya)
Here where we need ya (Here where we need ya)

Yeah we tease him a lot cause we've hot him on the spot, welcome back,
Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back.

Lori,
you and I joined around the same time - I changed my avie for personal reasons used to be Jeanne2036. Anyway thank you , you said it best with -
"damn guys.... we were all new once and really didn't get it all in the beginning...I can't tell you how many vets were patient with me.  Some of us come to the board with more questions than others.  As someone who's been here for almost three years now, I can tell you that if I don't FEEL like answering a question that's being asked, I just *don't.*  If I feel like I have something to add, I will.  I don't get mad because I remember how confusing it all is in the beginning.  There are so many different things to learn about life after the DS. "

Sometimes the boards do need to go crazy and with the greatr influx of people learning about the DS this will happen as not everyone will or even needs to agree.

Jeanne

I think I said all I needed to say on Dana's thread the other day, but now I just want to add a couple of things since you brought them to my attention.  They're not directed to you, personally, Lori, but to any newbies who might be reading this.

First, with me, at least, it's all about doing a little research before you ask questions.  People who come with one-sentence long posts phrased like demands, i.e., "Tell me everything about the DS." are clearly not doing any kind of reading first.  When I, as well as others, take the time to answer these questions, giving a lot of information, and that same poster comes back with questions that I, and others, have already answered, well then, I get a little irritated.  They obviously have not read what I took a lot of time to post.  I haven't seen a whole lot of this in the past, but enough so that I almost automatically skip those kinds of posts.  It's a shame.

Now, when a newbie comes on and says something like "I was going to have the RNY, but now been doing some reading about the DS and I have some questions..." and goes on to list a couple of thoughtful questions, well, then I feel like my response will actually mean something.  Same goes for someone who comes on and asks for where they can find other info about the DS, and then comes back, having read it, and asks questions for clarification.  They're not asking to be spoon-fed.  They're just asking for clarity.  There's a huuuuuuge difference between these posters and the information suckers.

Second, as I said in Dana's thread a couple of days ago, yes, the atmosphere on this forum has gotten a little out of hand, but it takes two to do that crazy tango.  Both prime offenders created threads doing some major finger-wagging at the vets, calling us meanies, whining about how poorly they were treated.  They share a lot of the responsibility for setting this forum in a tailspin with their victim attitudes and tattle-tale behavior.  Personally, I felt a little stung by them both, as I had gone out of my way with answering PMs to one of them and had to explain a few key DS concepts repeatedly to the other.  But, really, that's neither here nor there.  Just my feelings.

I think that all I really want to put out there is that you've got to give as well as receive.  Even if your contributions are small ("Hey, I found a really tasty protein drink!"  "Guess what!  Walmart has Spanx on sale for $5 with a coupon!"), they're important.  They show that you're not just a taker.

 Lori thank you and all of you for having this interesting discussion.  The world really is a better place when we all try to not contribute to our own suffering or the suffering of others.  As a new post op I can already see that I am in such a different land with what I need from this forum.  Feeling like I could share the hard part of one month post op without caution would be nice.  The good thing is that I can post things that I know I wanted to know about when I was pre op to start the pay it forward process.  The tone of things recently remind me of the DS/RNY wars that get started sometimes.  People are passionate about this for good reason.  Passion can get out of hand quickly and the message gets lost.  I for one have tried to see the loneliness and isolation, lack of critical thinking skills behind some of the recent irritating posts.  When I bring the best part of me to the table I do not get so irritated.  If we give someone no fuel for their acting out they will find more appropriate ways to get attention or go away.  I am sure my patience for all of this three years from now will be much less.  I hope that I will still be around to do what so many of you have done for me in this last year.  I could not have done this without the support this board has given me.  I have learned from tough love and kind words.  Kindness is something that is always good.  Not saying anything works too.  Some of you have such an amazing comand of language I am in awe!  lulu

OH good lord that's gorgeous.

Let me point out my favorite parts:

"When I bring the best part of me to the table I do not get so irritated."

That's who I want to be all the time.  When does THAT happen?

"If we give someone no fuel for their acting out they will find more appropriate ways to get attention or go away."

I believe this completely. 

"I could not have done this without the support this board has given me.  I have learned from tough love and kind words.  Kindness is something that is always good."

Thanks for the reminders.

You're a good soul.  I can see it shining from here.

I think part of ignoring those types is that we now instinctively know who can handle the DS and who can't.

Even with my "anti-asshole" thread the other day, I STILL get PMs from people asking me questions they don't want to ask on the DS Forum or the Main Board. because they don;t want to irritate vets!!!! LOL.

Nicolle

Interestingly, Nicolle, the Anti-asshole post the other day was one of the things that made *me* feel like all of a sudden it was all-out war on all of the newbies.  Not necessarily b/c of what you said in the original posting, but because it was then followed up with numerous "yeah, so many of these newbies/pre-ops are so lazy and gonna kill themselves" dittos from the amen corner. 

Someone sent me a PM that they were never going to post on this board again, and I responded that I didnt understand what the hell had happened, b/c I had only seen posts from the 2 crazy people/trolls repeatedly, not a slew of off the wall questions from newbies.  Why the generalizations?

Anyways, I do think the message you conveyed was an important and necessary one.  Yes, the DS can KILL when in incompetent and complacent hands, and absolutely, people need to be prepared to be more proactive.  We are all very fortunate to have an opportunity to regain our health, and should understand our RESPONSIBILITY in recieving (sp?) such a gift.  Many arent as fortunate.  Unfortunately, I think this message was lost/overshadowed by a few posters' need to channel the R&R forum.

As far as being scared to post, I dunno.  I think if I have something to say I'm gonna say it anyways.  Sometimes I get flamed, sometimes not.  I don't have a problem w/people being direct, but I do believe a few people on here are on an all out mission to be as nasty as possible, which is sad b/c one must have a pretty pitiful life to have to reduce themselves to such levels on a message board.  Hell, It's the Internet!

Anyways, I hope this ends it all b/c honestly the last few days have been the most boring on the board, EVER!  Some of yall may like the drama, but I personally dont give a damn about the 2 trolls.  Way too many folks have exerted far too much energy on this subject, IMO.  Can we get back to our regularly scheduled DS programming please?  lol

Dang, I post long replies!  HA!

I agree with you totally Lori.  And all the piling on re: this topic is getting seriously old.  Am I the only one who believes that the OBLIVIOUS posters these remarks are aimed at aren't going to 'get it'?!?!?  Ever!  The only thing coming out of these posts is a mutual admiration society of the very folks who are irritated and frustrated. And now we hear that newbies *****quire our help and love are getting frightened to the point they aren't posting.  That's irritating beyond words and counterproductive. 

The Vets on the boards are just that -- folks that have been around the block and are willing to take time to help those behind them by sharing their hard won experience.  I'm thankful they've been there for me, and I have mad love for many of them.  I just don't understand why folks seem so addicted to all this drama, my life is stressful enough thanks anyway.  Let's all move on already,

Deb H.

Edited to add that when I say OBLIVIOUS posters I mean the bviously self-destructive DSers posting crazy questions about how much pizza they can eat at their 2 week surgiversary.