My Best Friend.....

.....passed away last week.  She had a massive stroke....she was 29 days out from Open Gastric Bypass surgery.   She was so excited that she had finally made the decision to have surgery.  Her co-morbidities were diabetes, high blood pressure, edema and sleep disturbances....her BMI was 54.  The neurologists stated that he felt that the stroke was unrelated to the surgery.  I cannot help but think otherwise...????  She was complaining of having no energy to do anything and that continued to the end.  I told her that the first couple weeks that feeling is normal.  My own surgery was almost 2 years ago and I've lost 146 lbs.  Her decision to have surgery was also based on my success...along with the urging of her doctor of course.  I now have a sense of guilt, not that I "talked" her into surgery, but something I can't really put my finger on....????  Not only is she my best friend, we have also worked at the same company for over 30 years....our offices are directly across from each other.  I struggle coming into work everyday....really not so much as coming in, but being able to focus on actually working.  My manager and co-workers all understand and also are feeling their own grief.  I feel such grief for her husband and 2 children, also!  I'm just sharing my thoughts and feelings with people I know might understand???

I am so sorry for your loss.  She must have been like a sister to you.

I'm no doctor, but I have spent my time in the trenches with diabetes, with a husband and MIL with type 1, and I can tell you that diabetes is a vascular disease.  That's why almost all diabetics have high blood pressure, and the vascular component is the cause of diabetic retinopathy ... and stroke. 

That thing you can't put your finger on, is it survivor guilt? 

It is NO WONDER that your focus is shot.  Please consider seeing a grief counselor ... and accept my sympathy for the loss of your dear friend. 

How sad.  A BMI of 54 and the other problems you mention contributed to your friend's risk of stroke, but I would agree that the surgery may have been a factor.  However, each of us knew the risks going into this surgery, and decided that the chance of hope for a better future was worth the risk. I hope your grief softens with time and you have wonderful memories of your friend to sustain you.