One year ago... :-)(long)

Has it been a year already? My how time flies. At about 11:00 pm March 8, 2005 my husband passed away. He wasn't "pronounced" until 1:00 am. the next day. It's gotten a bit easier, dealing with all of the emotions that go along with losing one so close to the heart. His death effected all of us, some are still in denial of it. Our middle son ended up in the hospital shortly after his dad's death. I found letter's of suicide, and the court ordered him in. He's doing well now. My youngest son, started acting out, little things at first. Being defiant towards teachers, throwing Things at home, yelling until it escalated to the point that he threatened to beat me with a baseball bat. He ended up going to jail for a night. He was ordered to attend grief classes at our church. He is doing much better now. His whole attitude has changed. He is working hard to improve himself. Our oldest son talks about his dad a lot, but has put him on a pedestal. He has blinded himself to the way his dad truly was, maybe that's a good thing, but maybe not. Our daughter, says she is just pretending that her dad is mad at her, and not talking to her ~ again. Not sure if this is very healthy. Our grandson say's Tony(his name was Dan, but Mateo always called his grandpa Tony) is in heaven with Jesus and Great Grandma, and Fred (his hamster). There has been a lot of changes through out the last two years, but Our savior has been with us through all of them. We are better for it. Is it still hard, some would ask. It's not nearly as hard as it started out to be. We all contend with death in our own ways. Life goes on. I thank God for the comfort He brings, and for carrying us through difficult times, and trials. I thank God for the many, many changes we have experienced this past year(or two). Some good some not so good, but all of them have been learning experiences. I have grown closer to the Lord, I started to drift away, but like that lost sheep, the Shepard went looking for me and brought me home in his loving arms. I pray that my sons will serve him once again, the way they used to. which brings to mind....Raise a child in the way he should go and he will not depart from it... I am standing on that promise. I am no longer so sad all of the time, in fact I smile most of the time now. I am happy. I thank The Lord for all he has brought my family through. I feel so blessed. Life is good, God is better. Maybe life is so much better because God is truly in it. You all take care. hope you have a Christ filled day. God bless you, Annette

What a beautiful testimony Annette and you can tell by your words that God is central in your life. God bless you and your family and you continue to grow in His grace. luvitsunnyv

Thank you. God is good. He never leaves us or forsakes us. It's kind of like the poem footprint's in the sand. He (The Lord) was carrying us through the hard times. Often we wondered where He was, and we were in his arm's the whole time. God bless you, Annette

Reading what you typed has me feeling sad. My sister lost her husband 6 months ago (August 8, 2005) and I still feel her pain. She talks about him all the time and of ofcourse, who wouldn't if my little nephew he left behind is his same image. My nephew was 15 months old when my brother in law passed and as little as he was he too went through some changes. Everytime he would see a picture of his daddy, he would point at it. My son too doesn't have a daddy at home but because my husband divorced me last year. What I tell my son is that a father is someone who makes you, but a daddy is the one who takes care of us and makes sure we are ok. That daddy for us is GOD. He's the one always taking care of regardless of our faults. That is what gave my son comfort in his time of grief when his daddy left us and that is still his comfort. His dad still comes around, has lunch with my son once a week at my son's school and my son does spend every other weekend with him, but the daddy that is with my son and I everyday is the daddy we make sure to always please with our best behavior. I'm sorry if I went on and on. God bless you and your children, Letty

Hi Letty, I'm sorry to hear about your B.I.L. I know it must be very hard for your sister, and nephew. Rest assured that The Lord is with them. Even if they don't know it. Going through a divorce is just as devastating as a death. Please know that Our Father knows our thought's, and feeling's. He can (and will) heal us. It takes time but the hurt eases a tiny bit every day. I didn't mean to make you feel sad. We are doing so much better than a year ago, and better than even six months ago. We have grown, the Lord has watched over us and brought us through difficult times. For that we praise Him. Sometimes I have bad days, but not like I used to have. Like I said I smile most all of the time now, and I am happy. I never thought I would be happy again, but I am~Thank you Jesus! Take care Letty It will get better, for your sister, nephew and even for you. May God bless you, Annette