Answered Prayer...Just not what I wanted!

I have been praying about my marriage situation and have been so encouraged by the responses and replies from folks here. Thank You!! I have been strongly convicted that part of the problem stems from my willful refusal to be submissive. I grew up in a tough family, mom was bipolar, dad was an alcoholic bully. We raised ourselves. I never learned to trust anyone to take care of me and carried this "I can do this myself" attitude into marriage. It worked (sort of) for the first 7 years because my husband was constantly travelling to job sites for weeks on end and my "independence" was seen as maturity and self-sufficiency. When his travel slowed, I maintained my "I can handle this alone" attitude which erroded his self-esteem and confidence and in-turn he retaliated by becomming withdrawn and passive-aggressive and then, frankly, just nasty. Regardless of what my husband is or does, I am still called to submit to him as to Christ (Ephesians 5: 22-24). Chuck Swindoll caught my ear on the radio today with his teaching on 1 Peter 3. The first and only place to start to repair and heal is to admit my sin and submit to God (and trust the devil will flee from me!) I have confessed my refusal to trust and submit to my husband and have asked forgiveness. I'm not sure if he (husband) is willing or feels the need to "punish" me further, but I have done what I believe God called me to do to start the process. I am hoping my willingness will reflect holiness to him and allow the Spirit to change his heart and heal his mind. It is a painful realization, but from what I know, there's plenty of us sinners around!! God give me to grace to stay the course with you and submit my will to yours daily, hour by hour. I place my husband and my marriage at the foot of the cross and know that you are able to heal us. Halleluia!

Denise, You remind me of the wonderful lesson Christ teaches us, thank you. You and your husband will be in my prayers. God bless you, Wanda

Good morning Denise, I can some what relate to what your saying. Have you ever heard the saying that the first year of marriage is the hardest? Well, our first year lasted for about 7 years. The main reason we had such a hard time is because neither one of us were willing to give up any control. She wasn't willing to submit to me and I wasn't willing to submit to God. My mother had raised me to never rely on a woman for anything. She taught me to cook, sew, wash, iron, clean, and so on. She didn't want me to be one of those men that just sat around and waited for the woman to cook something because he is to sorry to cook for himself. My wife was very independent as long as her father was helping her. She was truly a daddys' little girl and that made it real tough on me. Nothing I did was right because it wasn't how her daddy would do it. Not to mention that she had just come out of an abusive marriage and was in a "I don't need your help attitude". Once we realized that our marriage was going down the drain, we sat back and talked about rather we really wanted stay married or not. After talking for a long time we realized we really did love each other and we really wanted to stay married. We knew what we had to do and that was to let God control our marriage. I couldn't make my wife submit to me, all I could do was pray to God that He would help my wife be the person He wanted her to be, pray to God that He would give me the strength to make it throught each day as we were getting to know each other all over again. Our marriage was at a new begining and we were seeing each other in a new light and that light was the Son of God. I'm not going to say that each day since then has been trouble free, but it has been really easier and we know who we can go to when we do have trouble. Our fights don't last that long and we know that we know that we still love each other. The doubt is gone. Let God control your life, your marriage, your heart. If your husband is having trouble allowing God to control his life there is nothing you can do but pray for him. Pray that God will turn him into the person that God wants. Good luck and God will honor your loyalty to Him and He will allow your marriage to turn for the better, you just have to believe in your heart that God will help your marriage and leave it alone. Let God take control. Ken

Hi Denise! We are human and so drawn to living our lives by societies standards and we sometimes forget Gods will in our lives. It is difficult, but He always forgives us and puts us on the right course-as He is doing with you! Stay the course, run the bases, and know that your home-run is around the corner! God Bless you! ((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))) CAROLYN

In the same manner, us guys are called to submit to Christ.

Denise, I am so sad for you about your marriage. But I will pray for you. I too had a problem with submission. But after much christian counseling I learned about submission ,and not to be a door mat. Your husband has the harder job, to love his wife like Christ loved the church. I think it is best for you to talk to your pastor about what submission really is. I think as a christian wife I often was confused. I felt that anything my husband said and did I needed to accept. I learned that is not what God wants. First and foremost it is love and respect for each other. By being agreeable with everything my husband wanted, he became a control freak. I no longer was Debbie. I was Tom's wife. A huge step you made was realizing the sin and giving it up to our Lord to help you keep going in the right direction. It will be a struggle for sure, but know that I will be praying for you. As for your husband, all you can do is keep praying for him too. Christ makes all things new. God hears your prayers. God Bless. In His love and mine, Debbie G. P.S. I hope this helps.