~~ DON'T LEAVE SPOUSES & LOVED ONES BEHIND ~~

HERE'S THE POST MS DAWN & I MENTIONED ... I AGREE, MS DAWN ... GOOD, SOLID, STRONG MARRIAGES WILL COME THROUGH THIS CHANGE, BUT, WHAT I NEVER EXPECTED, IS THAT IN GOOD, SOLID, STRONG MARRIAGES, EVEN THE MOST LOVING SPOUSE OF A WLS PATIENT CAN EXPERIENCE INSECURITIES AS THE WLS SPOUSE CHANGES & GROWS ... SO, REMEMBER TO GIVE HUBBY OR WIFE ... OR CHILDREN, OR LOVED ONES EXTRA ATTENTION, LOVE & ASSURANCE THROUGHOUT THIS JOURNEY. I WASN'T SURE IF I SHOULD POST THIS, SO I TRIED IT ON THE SC BOARD BECAUSE I KNOW MOST OF THE LADIES THERE PERSONALLY. I FOUND OUT THAT THIS HAS HAPPENED TO SEVERAL LADIES, SO HOPEFULLY THIS WILL BE HELPFUL TO SOMEONE ... I'VE WATCHED THE TALK-SHOW PROGRAMS WITH HUSBANDS & WIVES WHO ARE LEAVING ONE ANOTHER AFTER THE GASTRIC BYPASS SPOUSE HAS LOST WEIGHT. I ALWAYS ASSUMED THAT IT WAS BECAUSE THERE WAS SOMETHING "WRONG" OR MISSING FROM THEIR MARRIAGE PRIOR TO THE SURGERY, SO THE MASSIVE CHANGES IN THE SPOUSE WHO WAS LOSING WEIGHT JUST PUT THE NAIL IN THE COFFIN. BUT, MAYBE MY ASSUMPTIONS WERE A LITTLE TOO CONVENIENT AN ANSWER. I DON'T THINK THERE COULD POSSIBLY BE A MAN MORE SUITED FOR ME AS MY HUSBAND & VISA VERSA. WE MET, & NICK & I HAVE BEEN "STUCK AT THE HIP" EVER SINCE. SO, I WAS COMPLETELY SURPRISED WHEN HE WOKE ME UP BEFORE HE WENT TO WORK THE OTHER MORNING TO TELL ME HIS HEART WAS BREAKING. AS HE RELAYED IT TO ME, HE HAD A VIVID DREAM IN WHICH I HAD LOST MY WEIGHT & AS HE PUT IT, "I WAS EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN I AM TO HIM NOW". I WAS GOING OFF TO COLLEGE OR SOMEWHERE IMPORTANT, BUT ... IN THE DREAM, I TOLD HIM HE COULDN'T COME WITH ME. HE DIDN'T ARGUE, OR BEG, OR FIGHT, OR CHASE AFTER ME OVER MY DECISION TO LEAVE & EXPAND MY LIFE WITHOUT HIM ... HE JUS****CHED ME LEAVE ALL THE WHILE HIS HEART WAS BREAKING INTO A MILLION PIECES. THE DREAM WAS SO "REAL" TO HIM THAT IT HAS STAYED WITH HIM FOR DAYS. HE'S BROUGHT IT UP SEVERAL TIMES &, OF COURSE, I ASSURE HIM THAT HE IS THE ONLY MAN I WANT IN MY LIFE & THAT I COULDN'T IMAGINE LIVING WITHOUT HIM. HE LOVED ME WITHOUT LIMITS WHEN I WAS OBESE, SO HOW COULD I NOT LOVE HIM WHEN I FINALLY LOSE THE WEIGHT & AM HEALTHY & ABLE TO ENJOY A FULLER LIFE WITH HIM? BUT, EVEN THOUGH NOTHING HAS EVER SHAKEN HIS BELIEF IN OUR UNENDING LOVE UP TILL NOW, THIS DREAM HAS SHAKEN HIM DEEPLY. IT WAS SUCH A SURPRISE TO ME ... SOMETHING I NEVER THOUGHT WOULD COME UP ... & YET, PROBABLY VERY NORMAL WHEN YOU TAKE TIME TO THINK ABOUT IT. HE'S WORKING & DOING THE "NORMAL" THINGS OF LIFE WHILE I'M ON THIS FANTASTIC JOURNEY TO A "NEW" ME ... NOT, A NEW "US" (EVEN THOUGH IT WILL WONDERFULLY EFFECT EVERTHING THAT IS "US"). SO, I GET TO EXPERIENCE ALL THESE NEW THINGS THAT I'M ABLE TO DO ... &, SEE & FEEL ALL THESE WONDERFUL CHANGES IN MY BODY & HEALTH, WHILE HE HAS TO GET UP DAILY TO WOR****IL HE'S EXHAUSTED & THEN COME HOME TO HEAR OF MY "ACCOMPLISHMENTS" & CHANGES. I CAN SEE WHERE HE MIGHT FEEL "LEFT BEHIND" EVEN THOUGH I INCLUDE HIM IN EVERYTHING THAT IS GOING ON. SO ... . MY WORDS OF WISDOM ... GIVE YOUR SPOUSES & LOVED ONES EXTRA SPECIAL GIFTS OF LOVE & APPRECIATION TO ASSURE THEM THAT ALTHOUGH YOU ARE CHANGING, YOUR LOVE FOR THEM IS ONLY GROWING DEEPER WITH EACH POUND YOU LOOSE! GOD BLESS Y'ALL DAWN & NICK PS: HE HASN'T MENTIONED THE DREAM FOR DAYS NOW ... BUT, I HAVE TOLD HIM HOW HIS DREAM HAS HELPED SO MANY COUPLES ON OUR BOARDS ... HOW MANY WONDERFUL POSTS I'VE GOTTEN IN RESPONSE BECAUSE THEY EXPERIENCED THE SAME THING. I THANKED HIM FOR ALLOWING ME TO SHARE SUCH A PERSONAL EXPERIENCE WITH OTHERS ... HE GOT "THAT" SMILE ON HIS FACE, SO I KNOW HE IS ALRIGHT NOW & PLEASED HE HELPED OTHERS.

Wow, Thanks Lady D! I have been overweight my whole life. When I married my husband I was overweight and he has always accepted me for who I am in Christ Jesus. I have experienced unconditional love from not only him but also my family and friends. I am very blessed. The least that I can owe all of them is my uncondtional love during all my changes. They are all so excited and I am still, even 8 weeks out getting cards and notes from friends and family who are so pleased. Even though I always had a smile on my face, I think everyone knew I was miserable. This surgery has truly been a miracle for me. Thank you, Dawn, for sharing this beautiful, intimate story that is such a beautiful reminder that we aren't the only ones who are going through the changes! Love ya! God Bless, Lynda Phil. 4:8

Lady D, First of all welcome to our humble little board!! I have to say that it has taken my husband 6 whole years to finally agree that the best thing for my health is the surgery. I found out from him through much prodding that he was afraid that I would end up losing all my weight and decide I could do better than him. But what he has figured out since is that he is the best I can do because my love for him is as pure as it gets for us mortals I have had very terrible abusive realationships in the past and am also divorced from a very abusive husband, I figured I would not marry again by my choice until I met my husband...well that was almost 8 and a half years ago, I love him more and more each day and I know that he knows this now. It has calmed him in such a way that he is now more than supportive of me in my journey, he is as excited as I am to have things work out for me. I am still waiting to see if I get my approval and he is on edge hoping that it comes through the way we are hoping!! So I can understand what you mean in this realization of spouses leaving after WLS. I can also say that in this moment I know I will be with my husband until we die and then after with our Lord!! I feel the same as you, we were a match so clearly made in Heaven!!! I know that God sent him to me, I have the proof!!! Thanks for sharing, I truly believe that this message will help so many out there feeling the same way. In His Love!! Steph

I was reading the last post I had time for this evening, and yours was it. I just have to reply and say thank-you. I am very touched that you have shared this story,and thank your husband, too. My husband and I have been together for almost 37yrs. when we were married I weighed 170#. Over the years and 3 babies my wt went up to my high right now of 245. In thinking about it, I guess he will know somewhat what I will look like. Tho with the extra years, I'm not sure it will be something he will be insecure about looks-wise. But it may pose some difficulties that we haven't considered. Your post has given me some things to think about, and talk about with my sweetheart. We need to agree to talk, talk, talk, and not let any questions or insecurities get a foothold. Again, thanks for sharing. Hope I am making sense, I am tired and headed for bed. Love you gals!! Kt