God's will??

Hey all, I need to use you as a sounding board. I hope you don't mind. I am thinking as I type which can be pretty scary ~ Lately I have been worried about surgery. I mean I believe that it truly will be life changing in that I will be a MUCH healthier person. But, I struggle with some of it being about vanity. I am not what I would consider a vain person, but I would be lying if I said that I haven't envisioned myself shopping off the rack and looking good! I guess I just want to hear that this is normal. I mean my doctor has been recommending this surgery for years and I have said "No, I want to do this on my own!" But alas after so many years with no success I have agreed to the surgery. DON'T get me wrong, I am PUMPED about it!!! But, I am worried because I want this to be about GOD, not about me. Sometimes I think Satan is working HARD to get me to feel like this though. Some History about me: We are infertile. (It's actually dh, not my weight!) But, I have totally embraced that thorn. Like Paul, I am THANKFUL for the GIFT of infertility. God has allowed me to use it as a way to bring others to the Lord and to talk about Him and pray for people when most situations don't allow for it. I have two beautiful adopted children because of this and as I said I count our intertility as a HUGE blessing because of these two gifts. From the valleys he has brought such beauty to my life. So, I truly believe that I will be able to use this surgery/my new life as a way to bring God glory. (Not to mention the HEALTH of it all!!) I really think that it will be another way that I can spread His name and bring others to Him. I also know that I want to run with my children, and be here with them when they graduate from High School. I have SO much energy inside, but my body just doesn't let me use it. I want so badly to DO things that my body will not allow me to do. I guess I just get worried with the vanity part of things. Have any of you felt that way?? I don't want this surgery to become and idol so to speak. Am I making sense? If you have read this, I CROWN you friend! Thanks so much for listening. Blessings~ Becky

Hi Becky I to have struggled with having surgery. Is it The Lords will that I have it? I want only to do His Will, and daily in my prayers say "Thy Will be done not mine". I put my trust in him that if he wants this surgery to happen it will, and if He doest't it won't. I know it will be life saving and bring a quality of life back to me that I haven'y had in many years. Yes I think about buying off the rack, feeling good about myself and all those things, yet in my heart I know that the Lord loves me no matter how I look, I also know that he loves me enough to want me to become healthy and go about His work. May God Bless You and Your Family. Randy

Sunny and Randy~ Thanks so much for your input too! I felt so blessed reading each of your posts. Sunny I especially liked what you said about giving it to God and saying - if this isn't Your will STOP IT from happening! I have done that today and I am nervous about it!! I don't want Him to stop it. But, I have to trust if He does His plan is greater. Thanks again for your support and friendship~ Blessings~ Becky

I think we all go thru some form of questioning our motivation for choosing WLS. It's hard to admit failure and I know that with every diet I prayed for God's strength to help my discipline. I continued to fail.....did I not trust in God's strength enough?......was I weak and tried to rely on myself? Why did I continue to give in to the temptation of food? By choosing surgery was I saying man could help over God? By having this mechanical alteration to my digestive system was I destroying my Creator's work? I could go on and on with the spiritual questions that crossed my mind....So what did I do? An anonymous person once said "Attempt something so big that unless God intervenes, it is sure to fail." My decision to have WLS was my BIG decision and I knew as a child of God that He could and would intervene if it were not in His ultimate plan for my life. I committed each step of my pre-op approval and testing to God. At the end of my prayers I always said that if this was my selfishness or vanity that the door of opportunity would by closed by the Almighty. Instead of closure, I had some miraculous events that confirmed my decision. I identify with your inner struggle and I pray that God will give you peace for whatever decision you and He make together. God bless. luvitsunnyv

I have a couple of observations on this point, and they are not too closely related to each other, so please, if you will, bear with me. First of all, I, too had struggled with the issue of having surgery because my overeating is sin. I spent many years trying to dismiss being convicted of sin in this regard, because I am thoroughly convinced that, in addition to the times when there's no getting around the fact that I just should use more discipline, there are genetic and physiologic causes for many of the assorted behaviors that have gotten me to a BMI of 47. But there is no getting around the fact that, plenty of time, I make choices about food or volume without any sense of discipline at all. Use as a parallel the contention that some people believe that things commonly labled as sin are inborn genetics and therefore could not be considered as sin. Now, there is nothing in scripture that tells us that sinful behavior will bear no spiritual consequences just because we think we "can't help it." In fact, what we are taught is just the opposite. Not only do we have the right to alter the body that God created just to avoid sin, we have something of an obligation to do so. Turns out that answer is pretty simple - if your right hand offends you, cut it off. If your eye offends you, pluck it out. Hey, at least wls is done under anesthesia and doesn't remove one of your senses!!!!! Please don't think this is a platform saying that all MO Christians are required to have wls. It's just that I know my body is just as corrupted as my nature is, and feel that God expects me to take whatever action He leads me to in order to *stop sinning*. Secondly, as to the issue of vanity: Having lost great amounts of weight at several points in my life, I have struggled with the twin sins of vanity and self-absorption. Anyone who is overweight has been trodden upon because of it - and if most of your life was spent that way, the way you have been made to feel about yourself is almost indelible. So many of us have been devalued, abused, and powerless. Then, when weight loss comes, in the world's and, unfortunately enough, in our own eyes, we are suddenly upgraded in value. The whole world responds to us in the same fashion and it's all too tempting to believe it. Being size 10 has never made a person kinder, more helpful, more altruistic than they would be at size 26. But the world's values are thoroughly skewed. They value vaucous things like money and external beauty over true substance. And despite ourselves, we're kind of hooked into them. I dumped a friend who had become insufferably vain and self-absorbed about 25 years ago after she had wls and lost lots of weight. Nobody could stand being around her anymore. A few years later, I lost a bunch and noticed that a whole thing of obsessing about me and my weight loss began. Regained that (of course) and a few years later lost a bunch again. This time was even worse - because I began to get attention that I'd never gotten before, and saw that I could have sexual power if I wanted to use it. It wasn't that I didn't know that it was wrong to flirt or to try to make men lust, it was just overwhelmingly tempting. I still loved my husband, family, and the life we had, but came darned close to throwing it all away for something worth even less than a bowl of soup. What I felt driven to do was PROVE the I had value because I could have sexual power - something I'd never really had before. God loved me enough to save me from stepping off of a cliff - one that would have not only damaged me, but would have rippled into all of the people I love the most. He had to be pretty persistant to the point of some truthful but brutal realizations and a desperate need for confession and repentance. I think it's called conviction LOL. But I thank Him all of the time for that tough love - the life I was headed for would have been a miserable one indeed. The thing is, deception only works as long as its working in the dark. When the light of truth is shined upon it, and we see that what we thought/felt was nothing but a stinking lie, it no longer has any power to push us to places we shouldn't go. Right now I am in waiting mode for my surgery. Utter and absolute limbo, awaiting a point where He makes it possible. But I will understand the pitfalls this time. There are affirmations that we as very overweight people have been starved for for a lifetime, and once we start getting them, they can turn our heads if we're not aware of what's happening. So be aware of potential pitfalls. Then all you'll have to do is step around them. Losing a lot of weight WILL change us. It won't give us more *real* value, but it will change us. Sometimes couples have troubles after one has WLS and one changes but the other does not, upsetting the dynamics of the relationship. If two people were happy couch potatoes and one suddenly gets to be an energy-filled health nut, there will be some jockeying to be done in the relationship. Those of use who have the Holy Spirit living in our hearts have a power outlet to plug into, as well as some moral absolutes to follow. That gives us the best chance of all of staying grounded and learning to live in our new way, without the sin of the old life plaguing us. Addicts have this issue all of the time - they have to learn to live their new healthy life when they leave the old one behind. And I just bet that our Advocate is the reason faith-based programs have such better retention rates for people like that. So go forward with much faith and much happy expectation. God is leading you to a way to break free from the things that have held you in bondage for who knows how long. Your Promised Land is right there! Denise in Ark

Thanks for your valuable input Denise. I also REALLY enjoyed your website. I am a SAHM and my most important job is to try to make my home a place of grace! So, I marked your website to favorites and away I go! Blessings~ Becky-

Hello, 2 Nights before surgery, Joel Osteen was on TV, coincidence?? NOT! The Lord put him there for me! Joel said we can either walk in a place of fear or we can have the faith that we as believers have and kill that fear devil. I started thinking....hmmm.... We can either buy into the bad side or we can believe what we know that God told us and led us to have this surgery. IF you prayed and allowed God to lead you to have surgery, then you need to tell that spirit of Fear to leave in the name of Jesus, that you are a child of God, and you won't listen to his lies, but what God told you. Feed your faith, not your fear, which ever one you feed...will grow bigger, so feed faith!!! Have Faith in your doctor, Have faith in what the Bible speaks about you, Have Faith in what God says about you too!! You are HIS child, and don't let that devil speak over you anymore! God bless, praying for you Deborah PS I was extremely high risk, and if anyone had a right to be afraid it was me, my doc told me he hoped I wouldn't die, so I had a big fear going on...until God arrested it, and I had no complications and did great. I am not sure I would have done as well if my faith was not in Him, so have faith and feed it!!

Becky, Just because you want to do something good for yourself, want to feel good about yourself, you want to look good - it is not necessarily a vanity issue. God gave us this physical body and we are to take care of it. Yes it may be true we didn't take care of it always (we wouldn't be in the position to need the surgery if we had), but now that we KNOW we can do better. Once you know better you do better. Would it be vanity to have a cancerous mole removed? Even if you were looking forward to what you'd look like without it? Of course not. Neither is having WLS. Taking care of your health will give you more time on this earth and energy to do God's will. The blessing is that you'll feel better and look better. Enjoy it guilt free. Becky

Thanks for all your valuable input! I am so blessed to have this place. You all give such sage advice. I made a step today by saying "Lord, if this isn't Your will, don't let it happen." I will say again that I am SCARED, because I really want it to happen, but I would much rather be in His will than mine. I NEED this surgery and I will do what I can to make it happen. I will dedicate every step to Him and go from there. Thanks again~ Beck

Dear Sweet Becky, When you love our Savior, you naturally want to please him. Asking yourself these questions are natural for all us. But the devil will cause you confusion and will work at frustrating your success. So don't listen to him!!!! I have been able to serve God more effectually and more frequently since I've lost 90+ pounds. WLS has improved my health, my homelife and parenting as well. These are honorable and important things, and no doubt please our Lord. I don't necessary feel that you have to be happy with your appearances, just content. And I am for the first time in 11 years. No need to wrestle satan. He's a liar and a fake. Love, Sally