a revelation

hi all, I have been struggling with a decision on wls, ever since I first came to this webpage. Each time I get an ok to move another step closer, I feel like I am going against God. There has been so much confusion. At first, my insurance didn't cover the surgery, I applied for a home improvement loan and figured if I went a little higher, I could afford to self-pay. If I didn't get approved then I would know God was saying wait, then I was approved for the loan. I had to get a pcp referral, I thought my doctor would never go for that, but he was all for it. Then, I ran out of vacation time, so I figured I would ask my boss if he would "loan" me some vac. time, if he said no, then God was saying "wait". He said no problem. I have been on my knee's praying, not wanting this to be a lesson of disobedience. Well, last Thursday, my aunt died suddenly. Her heart gave out. She was only 59 years old. This really hurt, I was driving and kept praying "what do I do?" my family can't go through another funeral if something happens to me. All those typical morbid thoughts that go through my mind. Then I started to realize, how much time do I have left at this weight? How many years are left? Then a thought occured to me, I don't know where the scripture is, but the Word says, "if your right eye offends you pluck it out" ,meaning, get rid of the sin. At all costs. I have been able to stop smoking, by not smoking any cigarettes at all any more. I quit cocaine the same way. Not doing cocaine ever again, and not hanging around the people that were in my circle. I stopped dating, so I wouldn't be having pre-marital sex. It all made sense, you have to completely end it with the sin you are stuck in. Well, how do I stop eating? God knows I can't physically never eat food again, so here is this surgery. For me, the lap-band. It will stop me from eating more than what my body needs at one time. I will have to eat slower, drink more water, eat when I am hungry, stop when I am not hungry. That was so awesome for me to understand that. At least I hope that is what He is telling me. He never gives us more than we can handle right? I am trusting that this is totally His will for me at this point. I have spoken to the surgeon today and he said I can have the surgery when ever I am ready. I am really praising God for caring so much for me, a horrible sinner. That he not only would make a way for me to end this battle once and for all, but to have a clearer understanding of what He is helping me through. Just wanted to share that with you~! YSIC, Debby

Dear Debby, All I can say is "wow". I also spent a lot of time praying and wondering if this surgery was in God's will and the exact same scripture came into my mind! It sure seems to fit this situation. You have come through so much and have turned your life around, with God's help. I have come to the same conclusion that God does care about our pain and wants us to life a full abundant life. I think it would be different if we were just doing this out of vanity or for other wrong reasons. I think this is a last resort for most people here who are facing debilitating co-morbidities and a (shortened) life of pain. We can rejoice and give God the glory for giving us this tool. My surgery is scheduled for 9/23. I'll keep you in my prayers. Pam

I understand what you are going through. I did the same type of thing before I decided on WLS. I kept saying, "If this happens, it is God's will." It must have been because I am 3 mos out and doing great. I am -65lbs. I feel like my relationship with God is stronger now than ever. I have been going through some marital problems but through HIM they will all be taken care of. HE is my rock and tonight at church I realized something I was forgetting to do. I forgot to thank God at ALL times for EVERYTHING. I am like most people, a sinner who only praised God for the good in my life. It is easy to praise God when you are on the mountain top but learning to praise him when you are in the valley is tough but important. In I Thesselonians 5:18 it states, "In every thing give thanks:for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you." Our sermon was very enlightening and it touched my heart. I immediately began to pray and thank God for giving me this trial because I now understand that he only gave it to me to make me a stronger person in Christ. So no, he doesn't give you anything that he believes you are not strong enough to handle. Sometimes you just have to rise to the challenge. God Bless Terri

Hi Debby, I think many of us have gone through those same feelings when we began our journey. I kept feeling like I wasn't trusting the Lord and I had to go outside his will to lose weight. But the more I prayed the more he opened the doors. A couple of times they were shut, but then another door would open up. I remember laying on the surgery table after they gave me the la la shot and praying to God if it was not his will to stop the surgery. Two and a half years later Im praising MY SAVIOUR that he let me have it. When I look back now, I see it as him and I were going through this journey together but Satan was robbing my joy at times and would put these doubts in my head. It's great that God has revealed to you his will concerning this. If you ever start to feel confused remember that is not God but Satan just might be trying to rob you of your joy. Blessings Geri

Hi Debby...new here. I'm in tears after reading your post. I have been having the same thoughts and just found this particular board tonite. I never even new it existed. And once again, the Lord has guided me and brought me right where I need to be. I actually started this journey 3 years ago. But of course I had to try just one more diet. Well that didn't work because I am so weak and was doomed to fail. I felt that WLS was going against what God wanted for me; but, on the otherhand, surely he didn't want me to live with disease and pain. He has rescued me so many times and while I have been thankful, I seem to end up in yet another mis-adventure needing his help all over again. And He has never abandoned me. On April 28, my brother died of cancer. He was 49. On June 27, my mother died unexpectedly from pnuemonia. Then on July 28, my dad died twice, and twice they brought him back. The Lord got me thru all of that...mentally anyway. Physically, I was falling apart..no sleep, eating poorly and driving hours back and forth to the same hospital. (It's in another state). If only someone else could take care of my dad...I'd been taking care of both my parents for 7-8 years. I could never have my surgery and take care of me AND him......Well, my sister and her family have moved in with my dad and now he has someone there 24/7. If only my husband could make more money, because I'll never be able to afford plastic surgery or all the vitamins and supplements required or all the new clothes.....Well, my husband got a raise without even asking. If only my house was finished; I'll never be able to make the room to get a treadmill or recuperate without having our dogs jump on me! (they love to love me!) ......Well, unbeknownst to me, a relative of mine came into a large sum of money and after he listened to me tell the story of the fire damage in our house, he offered to loan me, no interest, a lump sum. Is God good or what??? How Great Thou Art!!! Finally, I get to choose, yes choose, my surgery date. August? Next week? No way, too soon. September? Still speechless. How about October I finally manage to ask. October 6 sounds just fine!! Truly unbelievable. God is The Best!!! So thank you Debby for sharing. I knew God wanted me to have this done, but there was still that little voice (hello Satan!) in my mind creating that doubt AND trying to derail me once again....or as the other poster said...steal my Joy. I'm now going to bed and will look up that verse in my Bible. God Bless you for sharing.... SuzQ

Wow SuzQ, What an awsome testimony. Im hoping that the other readers will see this on the other boards and just be so encouraged. I know it's hard waiting but you know it always happens on God's time table as you learned. May this encourage all the readers that God will come through when it is the right time. Thank-you for sharing this. Blessings Geri