About to Burst - Relationship with God Suffering

I haven't been on here in a while, but I'm not in the best place today. Here's is what I posted on my blog ... any thoughts or scriptures are welcomed. thanks for letting me vent here...

So yesterday I had a great conversation with my husband...I love those! I just shared with him how I have been feeling for the last couple of months about a family issue that has been so very traumatic and how that has affected me emotionally and spirtitually.

I told him that I am not so much angry at God as disappointed, weird I know. And I don't want to separate myself from him or turn away, but I just find it so hard to draw closer to him. It takes effort where before it didn't and I miss having that heartfelt desire for God.

I told my husband that I'm just getting very frustrated because I feel so overwhelmed and presssured that I just need a release, actually more like relief - for something good to happen. And I know I am blessed beyond what I deserve and beyond measure and that good is happening. I guess what is happening is that I have these prayer requests that have been unanswered and I'm looking for God to answer one of them as a sign of His goodness and His presence and His provision of relief.

My husband pointed out that much of my growth and learning curve lately has been on my issue of contentment. I really have an issue with this. And that perhaps God is not answering my prayers because He is looking for me to be happy with where I am right now. But the thing is is that I am not happy. I feel stuck and boxed in. I feel like nothing is happening.

I realize though that I need to look to God for my relief meaning that my relief comes from time spent with Him, in prayer, in His word, at church, at bible study, etc. Not in these prayer requests.

My heart is torn up and I'm in quite a bit of emotional pain and I don't see where it's possible to get relief from God even though I know better than this. Ugh it's so frustrating to be where I am at now. It's this numbness that's killing me and this feel of apathy that I'm drowing in that keeps me from living out the truth that I know. In my mind, I think life sucks right now, I need something good, prayer request, God why aren't you answering, God I know I need to live a life where you alone are sufficient, God can you just show yourself and answer one of these prayers and on and on.

I just feel as though I am about to burst

Oh don't feel alone, I bet everyone of us has been there! I know I have been. There was one incident in particular that was very dear to me and broke my heart but I saw no relief in sight. I prayed and prayed, then I decided God just didn't care and kind of turned away, still no change so came back and dove back into prayer still nothing. Finally years literally years later a small crack was opened in the door and it has continued opening slow but sure. Is it a perfect relationship, no not yet but it is slowly changing.
It is sooooooo hard to sit back and wait, our time is not His time and the other issue or person has to also be at the right place to work the prayer. So maybe it isn't God that is holding things up maybe it is the other part of the equasion that isn't ready yet. I do know for a fact that satan takes advantage of us when we get discontented and will fill us with doubt about God and His love. He will tell us God isn't doing anything because He doesn't loves us and that we will never be good enough for Him to love. Remember that doubts come from satan not from God or what He is doing. We humans are an impatient bunch and God above all knows this. Sometimes we need to simply get on our knees and cry our hearts out to Him and let that dam of emotions burst so we can lay them at His feet. I hope others will come on and give you more support. Stay strong and continue in His love, He is and always will be there for you! Karen

Thank you for replying to me. A good reminder that doubt does not come from the Lord. Right now I'm feeling so much negative emotions that I need to remember that those do not come from the Lord.

Thanks!

I totally know where you are at.  I was there for a few years, and really doubted God was with me at all.  I was angry at God for a bunch of cir****tances in my life, including my divorce, and my ex's remarriage, and God was the recipient of that anger.  I learned it's okay to tell God you are angry with Him.  He can take it.  He understands.

In my recent Bible study, I am learning about listening to the Holy Spirit.  It is fascinating to realize that the more I am in God's Word, and praying, the more in tune to the Holy Spirit I am.

Karen is right about where our doubts come from.  Satan is the father of lies, and wants us to doubt God enough we give up on our relationship with the Lord altogether.  His goal with believers is to draw us far enough away from God, we lose our effectiveness as Chrisian witnesses.  

God's timing is not our timing at all.  Plus, we must realize that His will for us is perfect.  What we may desire from Him may not be His best for us at all.  

Don't give up on God.  His love for you is perfect, and good.

Hugs,
Trish

It is fascinating to realize that the more I am in God's Word, and praying, the more in tune to the Holy Spirit I am.


This is so key. I need to exercise my spiritual muscle and spend more time with the Lord. And be still enough to hear/feel the stirrings and guidance of Holy Spirit. Thanks for replying.

I live in Cedar Hill, so we are almost neighbors! I will add you to my prayer list and if I can be of any other help, I will.  I am available most mornings for Bible study, if that's something that interests you. God bless you and keep you in His love.  Cherry