Tuesday thoughts
Today my lesson was about are we trying to write the book or are we being the book? Well for starters we don't need to write the book because God has alreay taken care of that. What we need to do is to portray that book in our everyday life. Now we have to accept the fact that we will never be perfect here on earth but we do need to try our best to show who God is thru our actions and behaviors. Would people guess that we are children of the most high God by our daily walk? Or would they say I don't see you as being anywhere close to being a Christian. Hopefully they see us as kind, compassionate people who DO realize we aren't perfect but are striving to be the people God wants us to be. What do you think? God bless! Karen
I used to be a horrific shrew as a young, Christian wife and mother. My kids were terrified of me, and my now ex-husband hated me. He should have left me early in our marriage, but he chose to stay with me till our youngest was a senior in high school. We did marital therapy for years, and I started to change a few years before our marriage ended, but the woman who people saw at church was the antithesis of the wife and mother my family knew.
When my husband left, it broke me. God opened my eyes to things I did throughout my marriage that horrified me, and humbled me. I prayed for years for a reconciliation, and refused to be open to dating, even after our divorce was final. I was committed to staying single, in case my husband considered reconciling. The weekend my ex remarried, I was devastated. God gave me the strength to get through that by having the movie, "The Passion of the Christ," released in the theaters. I went away for that weekend, to the Jersey Shore, because my children were coming into town to attend the wedding, and I did not want them to see me broken.
For a while, I was bitter, and it hurt my children for a while, till they confronted me. I was even rude to my ex's new wife, refusing to meet her. It was not that I hated her. I was insecure about my looks and personality. He did not meet her until our marriage was finalized, and he never cheated on me.
Now, all of us are good friends, and my ex and his wife invite my family to their home around the holidays for Christmas dinner. They also welcome me to their home whenever my grandchildren are in town, since my kids stay with them. I live in a tiny apartment, and they have a large home.
All this is a prelude to say that I am as loving and gentle with people as possible. As a social worker, I have a heart for hurting people. We have a saying in the helping professions. We call ourselves "Wounded Healers." Since I was a traumatized, abused child, I lashed out at the people who needed me the most because I knew no better. (I also have bipolar disorder, but did not know that then.) Now, I have enormous empathy for my clients when I do therapy, or work in a psychiatric hospital. I understand most of my clients at some level.
There are times when I am attacked by guilt, shame and remorse over how I was when my children were little. I made a lot of mistakes, even after my divorce. This contributes to my depression at times. But, I am blessed with the fact that none of my children hold the past against me. My daughter and I sometimes clash, because she is a lot like her father in personality and perfectionism, but we are working on avoiding conflicts, because both of us want a good relationship and are willing to work toward that.
Sorry this is so long. I babble a lot.
When my husband left, it broke me. God opened my eyes to things I did throughout my marriage that horrified me, and humbled me. I prayed for years for a reconciliation, and refused to be open to dating, even after our divorce was final. I was committed to staying single, in case my husband considered reconciling. The weekend my ex remarried, I was devastated. God gave me the strength to get through that by having the movie, "The Passion of the Christ," released in the theaters. I went away for that weekend, to the Jersey Shore, because my children were coming into town to attend the wedding, and I did not want them to see me broken.
For a while, I was bitter, and it hurt my children for a while, till they confronted me. I was even rude to my ex's new wife, refusing to meet her. It was not that I hated her. I was insecure about my looks and personality. He did not meet her until our marriage was finalized, and he never cheated on me.
Now, all of us are good friends, and my ex and his wife invite my family to their home around the holidays for Christmas dinner. They also welcome me to their home whenever my grandchildren are in town, since my kids stay with them. I live in a tiny apartment, and they have a large home.
All this is a prelude to say that I am as loving and gentle with people as possible. As a social worker, I have a heart for hurting people. We have a saying in the helping professions. We call ourselves "Wounded Healers." Since I was a traumatized, abused child, I lashed out at the people who needed me the most because I knew no better. (I also have bipolar disorder, but did not know that then.) Now, I have enormous empathy for my clients when I do therapy, or work in a psychiatric hospital. I understand most of my clients at some level.
There are times when I am attacked by guilt, shame and remorse over how I was when my children were little. I made a lot of mistakes, even after my divorce. This contributes to my depression at times. But, I am blessed with the fact that none of my children hold the past against me. My daughter and I sometimes clash, because she is a lot like her father in personality and perfectionism, but we are working on avoiding conflicts, because both of us want a good relationship and are willing to work toward that.
Sorry this is so long. I babble a lot.
Seek always to do some good, somewhere. Every man has to seek in his own way to realize his true worth. You must give some time to your fellow man. For remember, you don't live in a world all your own. Your brothers are here too.
Albert Schweitzer
Albert Schweitzer
Babble away! I love learning about folks here and how they've grown thru God's intervention. I feel like I've known you forever wish we lived closer I think we'd be good friends. Well we can still be friends on the net too! The more I learn about your past the more I admire your strength and courage. You have come such a long way!! And getting better every day, keep on truckin'!
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