Struggling again

Well, a little over a week ago, I had a bad relapse with my alcoholism for one evening.  It was the last day of an intense week mixed with blessings and pain.  While my adorable granddaughter was in town for the week, we had her second birthday party, and that involved seeing my ex multiple times, along with his wife.  I have no bitterness toward them, just a lot of pain and regret for my lost marriage and it magnified my aloneness/loneliness.

All of this was just intensified by some feelings of extreme abandonment, and other psychiatric issues as well.  I am severely depressed, and in a lot of emotional turmoil most of the time these days.  I am still in outpatient treatment once a week, and see a therapist twice a month. 

I would greatly appreciate your prayers as my thinking and emotions range from strongly desiring to be in the center of God's will to just throwing in the towel and giving up entirely.  I only drank the one night and stopped immediately. 

The other kick in the seat is that I had to find a new sponsor for my AA program, and this one may not be what I need at this time, as I was used to speaking to my sponsor almost daily, and this one is not interested in that.  I am praying to know what I need from the Lord's perspective, as opposed to my abandonment/neediness.

Thanks,
Trish

Trish I'm so sorry to hear things have been going badly lately. I'm very happy that you only had the one day of drinking that shows strength to stop that soon, good for you. Seemed they were pretty good for awhile, but then I guess that's how life is sometimes. I know you have a full plate of issues to deal with and I do pray for you every day. You are permanently on my prayer list. I will pray God gives you strength and guidance to handle all that's going on. God bless sweetie!!!

Trish, I'm relatively new to this board so don't know too much about you, but from what you write, it is apparant to me you have a deep drive to understand yourself and that takes extraordinary courage, imo, when you are dealing w/abandonment issues....which can be nothing less than terryifying.....until you get to the root source. Also you are down 119 lbs? and again it takes not just discipline and hard work to be successful on your wls....it's seems reasonable now that you are nearing your goal, you would begin to question what it is you want going forward. You have my prayers, but more importantly you have your SELF and once you get to know your SELF again you will be able to enjoy yourself as much as the others in your life who love and need you.

Prayers, dear friend.