Devotion #13

Hi, Everyone. This devotion is from my personal journal dated April 21, 2007. It was my 51st birthday, and I had no idea that God was about to give me a wonderful gift. This morning, the Lord began talking to me AGAIN about repentance. I cringed, which told me that I have not truly repented of the sin of gluttony. I cringed, but told Him I was "willing" to look at it again. I was led to Isaiah 57:14-15, "It will be said, 'Build up, build up, prepare the way, remove every obstacle out of the way of My people.' For thus says the high and exalted One Who lives forever, whose name is Holy, 'I dwell on a high and holy place, and also with the contrite and lowly of spirit in order to revive the spirit of the lowly and to revive the heart of the contrite.'" Even though I figured the focus was meant to be that God dwells with the truly repentant, I was drawn to the first part, "prepare the way, remove every obstacle out of the way." Perhaps it is because of the words "the way," as I am always looking for more information about "The Way of holiness." It is important to remove all obstacles on The Way, and surely that involves repentance and purposeful living. There's a need for humility, a teachable spirit, a lowly and contrite heart, an awe in the presence of "the high and exalted One Who lives forever, whose name is Holy." My mind was flitting from one concept to the other. I sensed a struggle, which is a sure sign that I must get honest before the Lord. I realize that, long ago, I decided I was destined to be fat. To avoid being angry at God for that, I told myself that God loves me no matter what I look like, because He looks at what's in the heart, not what's on the surface. Just as I finished that honest thought, God responded so gently, "That's right. I do love you no matter what, and I do look at what's in your heart. Now, you look at what's in your heart with Me." So, we took a good, long look at what was in my heart. I've had an "If...then..." way of thinking about this sin of gluttony. If gluttony means eating past the need for sustenance and is sin, then I must own that sin. If there is sin in my life, then I must repent of it. The trouble was that I haven't been able to get past the point of being "sorry" to true, broken-hearted repentance. It was a lot of "head knowledge," but little "heart work." Still looking in my heart, with the encouragement of my Father, I could see hard places here and there, in the lining of my heart. I knew they were the result of pride, selfishness, control, and much more. "And You STILL love me, Lord?" I sensed a holy nod of affirmation. On my knees, but with my spirit in total prostration, I asked the Lord to help me have a heart that hates all sin. I asked for the gift of tears, the gift of true repentance. I knew I would feel it when it came. I waited. All of a sudden, I realized I had a mint in my mouth, and I thought, "Saying I'm sorry for the sin of overeating with something in my mouth is NOT true repentance!" I know it seems silly, but the second I took that mint out of my mouth, the tears came and came, until I was absolutely bawling! It was completely unacceptable to me that my abuse of food had nailed my Jesus to the cross! Perhaps the reader will feel that's a bit melodramatic, but it is my personal revelation. I now know what it means to "rend" my heart to pieces. So many heart pieces, offered up to God. No tears at that moment, just sweet humility and an overwhelming sense of awe in His Presence. I knew it was done! I got up, clean before my Lord. Now I can sing, "My chains are gone! I've been set free! My God, my Savior has ransomed me, and like a flood His mercy rains, unending love, Amazing Grace!" Today, consider any obstacles you may have in your way. Take them to the Lord, for help to remove them. Blessings, Mary