Devotion #11

Hi, Everyone. Thank you, to all *****sponded to yesterday's devotion. I love how God spoke to each of you, pointing out different things that were just for you! In advance of today's devotion, I want to say that God spent a few days having me face the issue of repentance in my overeating, not because He was mad at me but because He knew I needed to "get it." Today's devotion is from my personal journal dated April 19, 2007. I've acknowledged that overeating is a sin, because it replaces God with food. Today the Lord had me "sit" with the phrase "true repentance." I've repented of the sin of overeating, but how will I know if it is "true repentance"? That's what I asked the Lord, in prayer. In the past, when I thought I was repenting of the sin of overeating, I now see that I just felt bad that I had failed once again. It was not true repentance. I know that the word "repent" means to turn from sin and turn to God. I looked for verses with the word "turn" or the phrase "turn away." I found 1st Peter 3:10-11, "For the one who desires life, to love and see good days, must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit. He must turn away from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it." That's true repentance. It's turning from sin, turning to God, and seeking and pursuing peace. If true repentance means a complete turnaround, then, obviously, I haven't been truly repentant. My turning, in the past, has been half-hearted and, therefore, lacked the power to free and transform me. Any sin involves Satan. I was reminded of James 4:7-10, "Submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you." It would almost be comical if it wasn't so sad that the only part of those verses I ever remember is, "Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." I have ignored the "submit...draw near...cleanse...purify...be [sorry]...humble yourself." No, I've never truly repented of the sin of overeating. I've never done the work, the "hard thing," nor have I stayed the course. In Oswald Chambers' book _My Utmost for His Highest_, he says, "The forgiven man...proves he is forgiven by being the opposite to what he was, by God's grace... The old Puritans used to pray for the gift of tears... Examine yourself and see if you have forgotten how to be sorry." I cannot as yet prove that I am forgiven for the sin of overeating, "by being opposite to what [I] was, by God's grace," but how I pray the proof comes! I have not "forgotten how to be sorry." I'm sorry much of the time, but sometimes I wonder if God looks at me and lovingly says, "Don't just be sorry, my child; be different." The Lord just reminded me that there's a difference in being sorry and feeling self-pity. Honesty time! I've wallowed in pity more than experienced the sorrow that leads to a heart change and ends up in a behavior change. Oh, I want the gift of tears. I want to have purpose, and I want that purpose to be that I honor the Lord, that I magnify His grace, that I show the power of God in my life. I desire to live a disciplined life and savor the preciousness of my Jesus. My prayer today is a personalized version of Hosea 6:1-3, "[I will] return to the Lord, for He has torn [me], but He will heal [me]; He has wounded [me], but He will bandage [me], He will revive [me] after two days; He will raise [me] up on the third day, that [I] may live before Him...Let [me] press on to know the Lord. His going forth is as certain as the dawn, and He will come to [me] like the rain, like the spring rain watering the earth." It's the third day! Let it rain, Lord! Let it pour! Today, consider this topic of repentance and forgiveness in your own life. Have you experienced "being the opposite to what [you were], by God's grace? Blessings, Mary

Mary, I sometimes feel that you are a little hard on yourself. I agree with most of what you say. We cannot just say "i'm sorry Lord" and then just go do the same thing in the next moment. We are to repent and truly turn away from sin. However, Jesus brought grace to us and we no longer are prisioners of the law. God lets us know Him primarily through His Word. It says in Romans 12:1-2 "1I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. 2And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God. " Transformation is a process. When we are transformed from an obese person to a thin person, it takes time. I believe it is the same here. We must do our part. We do not act like the world. We read the Word, which is the only thing that can renew our minds. We give ourselves and everything we own to God (not our church necessarily, but put it at God's disposal), and we do take care of our bodies. God is a loving father, however, and He leads us from glory to glory. We mess up-all of us, but "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." 1 John 1:9. We cannot do anything apart from God and we must rest in Him and let Him change us because if we try to do it alone, we will just make a big mess.

Hi, Amy. Thank you for your reply. It is hard for me to adequately share what I was going through at the time of today's devotion. While it may seem that I was being hard on myself, it was truly needed in my heart and life. As you will see within the next few days, it all worked out. God does not condemn, and I am not to condemn myself. However, I needed to come to the place of brokenness. I was trying to figure it out, which my writing shows. Hang in there with me. At the time, I knew I was not a holy, living sacrifice, but I sure wanted to be. So...stay tuned. ;) Blessings, Mary

I forgot to answer your question. I am most definitely the opposite of what I was in so many areas of my life. I was molested as a child and I was bitter and hated everyone and everything. I was on medication for depression and other "mental illness." I tried to kill myself 3 times. I drank, I smoked, I watched movies about death and violence and loved it. Sex was the most important thing in my life and I watched *****graphy regularly (my husband would no****ch it BTW). In short I was living in darkness. I was lost and now I am found. Then God found me and began to clean me up and dust me off. Now, my priorities are as follows 1. God, 2. my family. 3. my church and then it goes on from there. I no longer even consider and of my previous activities and cannot fathom how I thought I was "happy" in that state. God's grace is amazing and it is only through Him that I am truly free. Hugs-Amy

What a wonderful testimony of how God transforms a life given to Him! I, too, was molested as a child. I'm sorry you went through that. I don't know why I did not turn away from God. It would have been understandable had I done that, as many get angry and wonder why God didn't stop the abuse. I guess, even as a child, I knew the abuser was my father, not my Father. While I did not turn away from God, my pain manifested in other ways, depression, anxiety, panic attacks, eating issues--proving that I had turned my pain inward. God is helping me, as I look to Him more than to myself. Blessings, Mary

Hi Mary, I just wanted to let you know that your words really spoke to me today. It was exactly what I needed when I needed it. My favorite line was: "Don't just be sorry, my child; be different." I'm always amazed how wise our Lord is. Jen

Hi, Jen. Thanks for responding. I hope that God's love in all He says to me comes through in my devotions. Someone else could say the same thing, and it would sound or feel much different to me, but when my Father says it, I know it's for my good and is said out of love. Blessings, Mary

OH WOW, THAT HITS THE NAIL ON THE HEAD FOR ME, MARY. I ALWAYS TALK WITH MY LORD WHEN I MAKE MISTAKES. I DON'T MEAN TO EAT BUT FOR SOME REASON I DO AND FEEL SO GUILTY ABOUT IT. YES, I ALWAY TELL HIM I AM SORRY AND TO GIVE ME MORE STRENGTH AND WILL POWER TO TURN AWAY FROM FOOD I DO NOT NEED. NOW, I HAVE A QUESTION...I AM OBESE AND BECAUSE OF MY OBESITY I HAVE HEALTH PROBLEMS...I WILL BE HAVING GASTRY BYPASS. IS THAT HARMING MY BODY "TEMPLE"? JOY

I think only you and God can answer that for you, but I know for me, it was not. I was not able to move and not able to do much of anything prior to my surgery. My temple was in shambles. I believe God led me to my WLS and made it possible for me to have it. I have a life now and He has entrusted me with a ministry with children that I could never have had before. I can also raise my children and be a good wife. My temple may have been rebuilt, but it is better than it was before.

Hi, Joy. Thank you for your response and question. Like any other decision, include the Lord in your decision. When something does not go against the Word of God, does not hurt you or someone else, I believe God wants what you want. He is our Heavenly Father, and He delights in giving us the desires of our heart. Like you, I'm sure, I desire to live my life for God in a body that is a good testimony to others. I want to be the best I can be. At my age (52), the effects of prolonged obesity are more severe. I believe the Lord has led me to have WLS, and I have been amazed at how He has helped me qualify for it and prepare for it. God provides wisdom in many areas and through many people He has gifted. We've heard it over and over, WLS is just a tool, and that's true. You will still have to develop good eating habits, exhibit self-control, etc. You will still need God's help to say No to the flesh. (I know you know this) I love the verse, "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." One day I was asking God, "Lord, how can I delight myself in You? What does that mean to You?" He prompted me to look up the word "delight" for that verse, in the original Hebrew. I did, and I was so awed by what I read. "Delight" means to be soft, pliable. That's how we can delight ourself in the Lord--just be moldable. Blessings, Mary