THANKS/ PLEASE PLEASE READ

I just wanted to thank any and all who have been praying and are going to continue to pray for myself and my family. I know the Lord restored Job 10 fold for what he lost, but Job was a righteous man, a lot of our problems are self inflicted. As a lot of other people out there, we are losing our home. I am praying with all my heart that by some miracle we are able to stay in this house for a little over a year. That my kids (for once) can stay routed and in the same home until they graduate next year. God willing and that is allowed, it won't be as big a deal where we move. It opens up our options tremendously. Also, I think my oldest is seriously thinking of moving out. I have only had her back in my life for 4 years, (LOST CUSTODY OF HER DUE TO MY DRUG ADDICTION). I spent the first 2.5 years of those 12 years w/supervised visitation w/ my ex-mother in law. It was hell, but definitely character building. The last 10 years I talked to her atleast 3 days a week on the phone but my ex would not giver her up for longer than 3 days at a time. I have been clean for 14 years as of the 13th of Feb. Honestly the hardest part of going through all that was that my ex husband was using as much as I if not more, I was just honest about it!!!! Anyway, that is water way under the bridge, my whole point in saying that was, that if she chooses to move out any time soon I will miss even more with her. I have had to put it in the Lords hands. Honestly, my greatest concern and 2 biggest prayer requests are the following: 1. That the grace of the Lord will absolutley cover, comfort and most of all GROWTH IN HIM, through this difficult time. Due to the drifting away from the Lord over the last 3 years my kids are struggling with thier own relationship with Christ and in all the things in this world, PLEASE PRAY THAT MY KIDS WILL BE HEALED COMPLETELY FROM THESE DIFFICULTIES MY HUSBAND AND I HAVE PUT THEM THROUGH AND THAT THEY ARE ABLE TO COMPLETELY FORGIVE US. 2. That Darrin will be able to find the job he is praying for that a). Pays enough that I can go to school to become a nurse full time. (b) that God will provide a way financially for me to begin school ful time. (c) that my husband will withdrawl and completely get off the pain pills he has been on. He is also an addict, but had it very easy when he got clean. Me, when I got clean, PRAISE THE LORD, i went through hell. So when he had to take pain meds he DID NOT BELIEVE me when I told him he could get addicted. He is trying really hard to wean off but here is the BIG PROBLEM. I had an anterior/posterior bilateral decompression/fusion done in my back in 2001. Basically I have a huge fusion in my back from the front and back. Due to that surgery I have REALLY bad arthritis and I have to take pain meds or I can't walk. Esp now that I cannot take NSAIDS. I have tried everything in the book w/my pain management doc to not have to take these. 20 shots, electrodes, and on and on. I have to be really careful that I do not take them for the wrong reasons and never go over my limit for the day. About a year ago he started stealing my pills and continued to do so and I have lost a tremendous amount of trust. Dear Lord I could go on and on there is so much and as you can see I have NO ONE TO TALK TO. So please, please forgive me for going on like this, I get really scared too because I get to where I CANNOT EAT AT ALL and I get sick really easy. Does anyone else have that prob, like they get anything that comes down the wire. Anyway, again I am apologize for rambling. I could use any comments back, prayers and request. It really just helps me to realize I AM NOT ALONE. Love Trish

Trish, I wish I were there to give you a big hug!! I know how hard it is when you feel you do not have anyone you can talk to. It seems every time I would make a good Christian female friend, we would move again. I'm so tired of moving and since this last move in August I have not made a friend either. It has been hard. Anyway, I'm rambling. I just wanted you to know that I will be praying for you and your family. Please feel free to contact me anytime if you need someone to talk to. We are all here for you. Love, Shel

Congrats on being in recovery from your prior addiction! That alone goes to show how strong your are. I certainly understand the back problem and pain issues, I have severe arthritis in my lower back and also have to take narcotic pain meds just to be able to crawl out of bed every morning. My doc limits the number I can have so I have to make them last. I would encourage you to just try eat what you can as long as it's high in protein, even if you have to live on beans, just to get it in. If you would ever like to PM me please feel free. I may not have any answers but I'd sure be glad to just chat or let you get some of this of your chest. I'll continue to keep you and your family in prayer. God bless!!

Trish, My church has a dream center where the help drug addicts get off drugs and get their lives back. The women stay for a year and what God does for them is amazing. I have seen several moms get their children back. My good friend lost her 4 kids during her addiction and gang life in California and she and her husband now got 2 of them back already (she has been drug free a year) and they both have good jobs and are expecting their other kids back as well. I've seen psychotic people go off their meds and become mighty women of God. I've seen cars given to people just out of the blue. God is no respector of persons and He will come through for you because He loves you. Just because He loves you-isn't that too cool?? I know what you mean though about having no one. I have my dh and my kids, but like you I do not have anyone that I feel I can be totally real with. I want to just take off all the masks and let them see me and know me. I'm not happy all the time. I'm far from perfect and I mess up, but I have no other person to tell that to that I trust. It's sad that we can feel so alone even when we are surrounded by people. This board and the people on it are always here though and always listening. Hugs-Amy

Hi Trish, I can empathize with some of what you are going through. I had an estranged relationship with my kids when I was first recovering from alcoholism, though they were still in my life. I prayed that God would restore them to me emotionally, and it is now 18 years since I first started the journey of recovery. Since then, they have grown to adulthood, and are on their own, and I am very important to them, and they love me and respect me. I know that it is because God changed my heart and my behavior. I also know the financial concerns you share. I am in the process of getting my paperwork ready to apply for bankruptcy. Since my divorce, I have spent a ton of money impulsively. Now, I can only encourage you not to lose faith in the Lord. He can and will get you through this. Your sins of the past have been forgiven, and are in the depths of the sea. The Lord remembers them no more. He will bless you, as He blessed those righteous men and women of the past. What you are dealing with is the consequences of the mistakes of the past. I will pray for you, as you deal with your husband's addiction. Hugs, Trish Reilly

Good am Trish, You are NOT alone by any stretch of the imagination. I can sympathize for many of the things above & really want you to know you have folks to talk to. Life is never easy but anything worth having is worth working for. It seems like we are never going to see things easier and we get down, depressed, frustrated, mad and many other emotions and that is when you have to dig deep, hit the floor for some knee-mail, give things to God as much as you can, tell Him I CANNOT do this without you & also lean on others fam & friends and really know that many have been through what you are going through. Its the circle of life. Honestly, I DO get to where I'm so completely stressed, backed into a corner that I do not eat and that is seriously not good for us. Do not keep apologizing for reaching out for help. The first step is always the hardest one. Feel free to PM me if you'd like to talk further. I PROMISE you the Lord is on your side & will never give you more than you can handle. But, you have to open your heart, soul, mind, spirit to Him and let Him in. YOU DO HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK TO! All best..... Kat