I changed my mind......

I quit and changed my mind on the cafe as of this past Saturday. I walked in and told the woman I was buying it from that I changed my mind. I could see myself ending up back in the hospital again. I called my Momma Friday night and cried like a baby. Yep, a grown man, crying. I was late for the cafe Saturday morning. Took all I could do to get out of bed. Every muscle, every bone, every fiber of my being was hurting me. As much as I would love to do this, I have to face reality. I understand why I am on disability. Not that I have to stay on it and in God's timing I will come off of it. Let my life be an example of getting ahead of God. Let it shine out to other's that I don't listen good. My momma alwasy said I didn't listen. LOL For those of you who said you were proud of me, I hope I haven't let you or anyone else down. I hope I haven't let my children down, but I have to look at my life and what is best for me. Monetary things, wanting a better life and wanting "the good things" is not worth killing yourself over. All I did was sleep or work. Yep, I do have feeling back in my feet and legs, but they ached so bad. Now, it's back to volunteering at church 15 hours a week and LOVING that. Back to visiting the sick in the hospital. Back to being Youth Pastor full force and back to doing what God wants and not what Randall wants. If you see me as a failure, just pray for me. I need all Yup! I know I'm wishy washy! Oh well. I'm just counting it up as another stepping stone that I missed and fell into the water. It does us good to get wet every now and again!

Randall, It sounds like you made the decision that the Lord would have you make at this time. When you are ready, I mean when HE says you are ready, you will know it loud and clear, and your health will be where you are not having any doubts about making such a decision. I am proud to know you. Proud to know that you are seeking His will and willing to go at HIS speed and not yours. Hugs, Trish

Congratulations Randall you are human. I think you've made the right decision for now. You are doing so much good for the Lord right where you are. You are a blessing to so many. Now maybe in time the Lord will put you in that cafe but then again maybe not. You can be sure tho that He will use you to His benefit every chance He gets. You have nothing to feel bad about!