MY LIFE STORY...

Hi everyone!! First of all thank you for taking the time to read this!!! I tried to be brief, but its long!! LOL... I wanted to share this first of all because I know in my heart I am supposed to, secondly, I want you to know where I am coming from, who I am and what got me here!! Since I am doing these mini-teachings I believe its important to know about the person who is giving them! At least I would want to know! LOL. Growing up, was by no means, easy! My family never went to church. In fact, my dad was involved in the occult and witchcraft. He actually started the year I was born. When he did this, I believe, it opened the doors to Satan to create chaos, destruction and pain in my family! My parents fought constantly, 2 of my brothers tried to commit suicide (did not succeed, thank you Jesus!) and one them ended becoming a drug dealer who would steal from my parents and was in trouble with the law. I was sexually abused as a child by one of them and was pretty much emotionally on my own. I had to grow up (emotionally) fast because I felt at the time that I was the only one watching out for ME!! I gave myself the message that no one could be trusted or depended on and I withdrew into myself and built up walls so no one could get in!! I grew up in fear and shame for what was happening. My brother moved out and the abuse stopped. It was after this that I actually began to be attracted to the occult and became fascinated by what my dad was doing. But it stopped "suddenly". My dad says that he wasn't against God (he felt this way) but that he was trying to get more power for himself. One day he bought me a Elvis Gospel Record. I had not heard much of anything about God (only a curiosity to go to a church) The one song I would play over and over again was "You'll never walk alone". This was my first "encounter" with hearing anything about God . I played that over and over. It was not long after this at around 10 years old, I was molested again by a stranger. I immediately reacted by not saying anything to anyone because I was in total fear of retribution on my life and didn't know what my family would think. I believe I thought they would have hated me for it! After this, my parents decided to get divorced and the process for all of us was miserable. One weekend, my mom took my sister and I to New York to visit my great uncle. My dad came out a few days later and was happy!! It was then that we found out he excepted Jesus into his heart!! Two weeks later, he took my mom to a pastor than she got saved! On down the line to me (my sister has remained stubborn about this and we are praying for her salvation)!! My parents reconciled and cancelled their divorce! About a year after my parents were saved, on Halloween 1984, I was at my church's youth group and they had a christian movie night and ministry as well. I was under strong conviction by the Holy Spirit that night to except Jesus into my heart!! I was uncomfortable and uneasy, I had to do something. When my parents picked me up, we went home and I told tham (crying) that I wanted prayer!! They prayed with me to except Jesus into my heart, I asked him for forgiveness of my sins and invited him into my life!! That night I went to sleep for the first time in my life, at peace. I had immediately felt him in my life. I woke up in such a peaceful state that I didn't want to go to school or anything!! I knew I had made the right decision. About six months after this I was baptised in the Holy Spirit and then I was baptised with water! I was doing really good until I was about 14. I began to look at my past situation and all the pain, anger, resentment, everything that had been smoldering inside me, decided to seep out. I became rebellious in my thoughts and actions. I was so unhappy and I didn't understand how to handle it!! So the only thing I knew (yes I was praying, but I wasn't listening!!) to do was to run away. I was having terrible arguements with my sister and parents and after 2 previous attempts to run away, the third time I almost suceeded! I ended up across the town hiding at a friends house. Thank God her mother knew I was in a bad place and called my parents!! They came and picked me up. Of course they were crying, upset, asking me "do you want the police to come and take you away from us??" They knew of the first issue of abuse and my mom kept asking me if this had anything to do this and such, which I never would admit. There was a lot of anger between my dad and brother and this was being brought up frequently!! So I decided that night I wasn't going to run away anymore, I needed to get back on track!! A few weeks after this, a freind invited me to a christian rock concert. At first I thought it was going to be a choir singing or something like that. I thought "why not, what else could happen??" That night changed my life forever. The band was Mylon LeFevre and Broken heart. It wasn't your ordinary concert. They played loud music and everything and then gave an alter call to except Jesus or to return to him if you had fallen away from him. I went down and prayed. I knew it was my time to do this!! I also know this night I was called into the ministry!! Not long after this I began to minister, as a teenager, to the youth in my group and school. I also joined a band and we would sing and evangelise or minister to the lost!! I preached for the first time when I was 14!! I also would speak at church and went on missions trips! I was very active in the church and wanted to do everything I could to serve the Lord and to help others find the truth! Then...one of my good male friends attemped to sexually assault me and I freaked out!! First shocked by this person's actions and couldn't understand why? Secondly the thought kept going through my mind, "Why me?? Do I have a sign on my forehead that says, "Do what you want to??"" I was devistated, scared and not sure what to do. You see it happened during a church outing at the camp we would go to. I ended up leaving early and hitched a ride with my youth pastor, but the whole time I was terrified. I never told anyone and I felt ashamed because of it and not saying anything to anyone about it. (I did speak with him shortly after this and he appologized and such). I stuffed it inside and went on with my life. (Later on, I realized that at each emotional stage growing up, Satan was trying to destroy me emotinally, so that I could not do what God has called me to do!!) I ended up graduating from highschool and went to Oral Roberts University in Tulsa, OK. I majored in Theology: Evagelism and minored in Pastoral care and Counseling and Mass media communications. During this time I did go through counseling ( I have gone through counseling during 2 seperate times in my life, at the Lord's leading, afterall he knows how much and when we can handle it!!) and was very involved in the ministry as well. I was a chaplain on the floor I lived on and God would bring many hurting young women who Had been abused, hurt, neglected and such and the Lord would minister to them through me! I have been involved in several youth ministries and women's minstries since graduating and I also got my degree in Nursing when I returned to MN. These two degrees have been an excellent combo for me!! Currently I am working as a nurse, I go to a Living Word Chrisitan center and do ocassional ministeril things for them. I have been helping my dad who has been having health issues and is getting better Praise God!! I expect next fall to be moving out of state to either the southeast or south. I know that this surgery is a stepping stone for me and That I am planning on going forth in the ministry he wants me to be in, maybe even fulltime!! Some of you maybe asking, "Did I forgive the people who abused me??" Absolutely!! I had to!! For one thing, God says in His word, we have to forgive. Secondly, I wanted to do it!! Not forgiving equals being entrapped or enslaved to that person or situation. In all honesty, not forgiving keeps you in bondage and forgiving sets you free!! Those people were no longer doing things to me and yet, they and the situations were still affecting me. They had no clue this was happening!! I did confront my brother, but the other 2 are no longer in my life. However, I truely have forgiven these people. I choose to not be involved with my brother's life that much, but that is the decision I have made. Thank God he eventually got saved and is doing well with his life!! One thing I need to add here is that , this was a long process, I didn't just decide over night to do this, but for me, I had to deal with a lot of things surrounding this issue and then I knew when I was ready to forgive! I also had the help of a counselor and confronted my brother when the time was right for me!! God knew when it was!! My past (and Jesus) has made me who I am. Its because of my past that Jesus is able to minister to others through me and I can understand those who have been in similar situations. HOWEVER, my past does not control me!! Would I change it?? NOPE. If you would have asked me this 5 years ago, maybe I would have answered differently. But the truth is that God knows the right timing of things and He knew when and how long it would take for me to get to this point!! You see, my weight issues, are a direct result of my past!! I know this for a fact because God showed me. I was using my weight as a means of protection from men and to also keep people out. My food issue was a way to create this and to cope with my life, this was estaablished as a child. This surgery, has a huge spiritual signficance because once I lose the weight, it can no longer control me!! Even the psych dr I saw for the approval for surgery absolutely agreed with this!!! It is the last physical reminder of my past and I want it gone!!!! AMEN!!! My desire is to serve God with all my heart and my life!! I want to become the women he wants me to be!! I want to become the women of God my future husband desires (don't know who it is yet, lol). I want to be the best I can be because I love HIM, Jesus so much!! He is my best friend and my life!!! Without him, I would be dead. I chose life, I chose Him!! I encourage all of you to be open to what he has for you, to not take this surgery or opportunity lightly, God wants to do some amazing things, all He asks is that you surrender all of your life to him! Let him heal you, deliver you and set you free!!! All you have to do is ask (He is standing at the door to your heart knocking, will you let him in?) I say this with all sincerity, that we are not here by accident. That God saw this and planned for each one of us to be here at the exact same time!! He wants to bless you and give you His best!!! I am praying for all of you that you would seek after him and get to know him!! He loves you sooo much!! Again, Sorry this is soooo long. This was as brief as I could make it and this was only half of it!! If you ever need to talk, or need prayer or anything, please feel free to PM me and I can give you a direct email address or even my cell phone number!! Thanks agian for allowing me to share this with you!!! I love you all! Hugs, Lucy

First let me say I admire your honesty and your vulnerability .I thank God for people like you. People who can use there life for the glory of God. God bless you, I thank you for your posts I read them each and every day. In Him , Chip

Good am Lucy, THANKS for sharing your story! I see many of the same things in your story that are in mine. I have to say that its an AMAZING feeling when we truly forgive those who've harmed us in the past and even now. Its a great release for sure! I have learned that to truly live with God in our lives is to give back not just to others but to Him. Having gone through many, many situations where I've been tainted in the 4 realms that truly make us whole (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual) by others actions and/or in-actions and I too held onto the past that is until I've been able to address these situations head on. You are right when you say these folks can no longer control us or have any control over us (unless we allow it). So, I've chosen to truly move on. Sadly, (but I will continue to pray) some just cannot let go and still have a very real need to present negativity even today and hold onto the past and so until they truly forgive, make amends and let go they will not be free. But, each day I get up and I TRY and I give back to others and to God. WLS saved my life that is for sure and the past shapes us but doesn't define us today or our future. We have CHOICES! I choose to live my life the best way I can God included first and foremost and all else will come in place. Take care, Kat