A confession

Here's a really honest confession for you. Sometimes I hope that having the surgery, losing weight and getting healthier physically will give me the courage or confidence to divorce Mark once and for all. And then I run to God and confess that thought because I think it's wrong to feel that way. And I am afraid that if I think that, then God won't allow me to get the surgery because of my wrong motivations. I pray God will keep my motivations pure: to get healthier, and to be able to serve Him more fully.

Father, You know Jill's heart. Your know her past, present and future. Wrap Your arms around Jill and hold her tight. Whisper loving words in her ear. Help her to know Your will for her life. Thank You, Father for your abiding love.

God knows YOU, he knows what you have been through, he knows what you will continue to go through! Put your fears, your wants, your love in God and HE will direct you. IF GOD BRINGS YOU TO IT, HE WILL SEE YOU THROUGH IT!! LET HIM GUIDE YOU!!! God Bless you!! Becki

God knows your heart deep down inside, where you are unaware of. He will allow you to make mistakes with and without the surgery. My suggestion is to work on seeing if you can save your marriage at all, as that is the ideal situation Biblically. Have you ever read "The Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie O'Martian? It is a really good book. God bless. Hugs, Trish

I have read and prayed through Stormie's book a couple of times. My situation seems to get a little better, and then it goes right back to the way it was. About a year ago I was seriously contemplating divorce. We started couples counseling with a Christian counselor. Mark stopped going, and I continued. Even the counselor said Mark was putting no effort into the marriage. I stayed and prayed. Mark started coming to church for a bit, but he's stopped that too, and hasn't gone for the past 3 weeks. The children don't like him. He is angry and mean and negative. It wears us all down. My son calls him a "soul sucker." I'm tired of tryng to hold everything together. He only comes home on the weekends. He pays the mortgage, but nothing else. I struggle to make ends meet constantly. I honestly don't know why I stay with him.

I was married to an alcoholic for 30 years. I soooo understand your son's statement of your husband being a "soul sucker". I was mistaken in my "religious" belief that I should NEVER divorce. The only reason I finally left was because I was contemplating suicide. I became as "sick" as he was. What started out as me trying to "help" my husband overcome his problems, turned into me twisting into becoming the one who enabeled him to stay drunk easier as I took on all of his responsibilities when he would not. Of course, I broke under the enormous strain; God didn't expect me to take on my husband's responsibilities so he didn't equip me to do so. The point in everyone's problems is that we can only be EXAMPLES for others ... we can pray & encourage ... we can offer positive opportunities but if the "offending person" doesn't take responsibility & change him/herself, there is absolutely nothing ANYONE can do for them. Even God will NOT cross the line of a person's free-will choices not even to save them from Hell. THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR CHANGE IS COMPLETELY THE PERSON'S WHO IS CAUSING THE PROBLEMS WHILE HURTING THEMSELVES & OTHERS. Look at the example of Jesus on the Cross. Both thieves knew the Word of God, but only one took responsibility for his sins & repented (changed). Jesus did not even waste a breath on the UNrepenent thief ... He did not beg, plead, teach ... He HAD to respect the man's choice even though that choice would land him in eternal Hell within a few hours. The only thing our ALMIGHTY JESUS could do was wait for the other thief to repent. Until then, even Jesus was unable to move in his life. AFTER he repented, Jesus THEN assured the repentent thief that he would be in Paradise that very day. Look at the Prodigal Son ... the "Father" did not go running after the son who left (in sin) & He did not allow that sinful son to destroy his remaining family either. He continued to live a rightous, productive life supplying his other son & family with a peaceful, safe & prosperous place in which to live & thrive. Only when the sinful son came home broken & repentent (changed), did the Father welcome him back into the family. Look at who Jesus lived with ... although He preached to sinners of every sort, those close to Him, those who lived with Him, those who ministered to His needs were those of like mind living rightous lives who CHOSE TO LEAVE THEIR SINFUL LIVES BEHIND THEM ... Even the ALMIGHTY didn't live in close proxsimity (sp?) to those who would destroy the peace of His life or the strength of His message. Judas, who would later betray Him, even lived in peace within the group until the very end ... you don't see where Judas tried to continually cause strife & division & destroy the peace of the group. Those who were saved were so important that Jesus even protected them by bringing only other saved people into His inner group. They were all there to strengthen one another as they lived in the rightousness of our Lord. We've gotten things turned around where good is bad, & bad is good. Why are we allowing the good portions of our families to be destroyed while we run after the bad ones *****fuse to change? Jesus did NOT run after the UNrepentent - He preached the SAME MESSAGE to all & them but then (after hearing his message) THEY were responsible for their choices. If they didn't choose to follow Him & His teachings, He didn't run after them begging them to change & He didn't expect His ministers & Apostles to take on the responsibility of the sinful lives of those who were UNrepentent. He moved on to others who had not heard His message & preached to them. ONCE WE HEAR THE MESSAGE OF GOD, WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR WHAT WE THEN DO WITH OUR LIVES ... SO ARE THOSE WHO CHOOSE TO CONTINUE TO DO BAD - THEY ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THEIR ACTIONS. We must focus on maintaining a safe & prosperous home for our entire family who chooses to live in peace with one another ... while still being a praying, quality example for the ones who choose to live in sin & cause strife. We have become so busy taking on the responsibilities & trying to save the UNrepentend (not the same as the UNsaved who haven't yet heard the Word of God & need our help) that we are no longer taking care of the members of the Body of Christ, or even our own families & children. We must do both, but understand what is our responsibility & what is God's responsibility & what is the sinner's responsibility. God is in charge of bringing the UNrepentent sinner back to Himself. You are in charge of yourself & the innocent children God has given you (how can we justify the destruction of our children for the sake of a sinful adult who choses to live in sin?) ... &, you're responsible for living a life that exemplifies Jesus to draw others to Him ... The sinner is responsible for his/her choices &&&& the responsibilities & consequences of his/her actions. I watch the program "Intervention" on TV ... the one theme that runs through every story is that no matter what family & friends do for the "bad" person, NOTHING will change that person if they don't take responsibility & CHANGE THEMSELVES. At that point, the family & friends can be helpful to their recovery, but not until they themselves do the changing. Hope this helps. God bless you & yours ... Dawn & Nick

I do not know your situation but I do know that God can put back together all things broken and damaged. He is putting me together and I was about as broken emotionally as I could be from years of abuse. I think you are brave to be so honest with yourself. You feel the way you do and God does not condemn us for that as long as we are trying to do the right thing in HIs eyes. The pastor of my church has remarried 20 couples in the last few years that had been divorced. They went to counselling-got in the Word together and finally were able to overcome their problems. With that said. My mother was married to my step-father for 22 years and has always been close to God. She finally got a divorce after he got a younger woman pregnant. He had also beaten her and us for all of those years and sexually abused me and my 2 sisters. Biblically, she had every right to get divorced years earlier but felt it was wrong so she stayed through the abuse. God loves you and He will do what is best for you. He looks at your heart and I think you are one of the sweetest women I have met. I will pray for you tonight-huge hugs-Amy

God knows your heart, Ms Jill ... He also knows your pain & He understands when others treat you so very wrong because we ALL treat Him wrong (I don't know your situation but obviously your husband's treatment of you isn't what it should be). So, He understands your natural desire to get away from a hurtful situation. One thing to keep in mind is that if you use this journey to change YOU, not just lose weight, you will find that the REAL JILL will come shining through ... you'll find confidence & joy & strength ... you'll want to experience new things & accomplish things you never thought possible ... When YOU change, then your whole SITUATION will change automatically. At that point, who knows what can happen. The possibilities are endless. Focus on YOU through this journey ... not to be selfish, but to be the very best you can become. The rest will take care of itself as you make wiser & wiser decisions within your own life! God Bless You ... Dawn & Nick

Thank you all for your kind, understanding and encouraging replies. After reading them all I had a new kind of panic attack. What if I have the surgery and something goes horribly wrong. I'll need Mark around to take care of things! Okay, so maybe I am nuts. I am going to my Celebrate Recovery meeting tonight and will share some of this insanity with my group. In the meantime, I'm going back to "one day at a time." Just for today, I am married, and I will be the best wife I know how to be. Mark's not home now, so that's easier. I'll pray tonight for him and for me. I thank you all for your prayers.

OH MS JILL ... I HAD TO LAUGH AT YOUR "INSANITY" REMARK CUZ YOU JUST CAN'T IMAGINE HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE FELT JUST LIKE THAT! BUT, WE WILL MAKE IT THROUGH ANYTHING THAT COMES OUR WAY! IF WE JUST LOOK BACK AT ALL WE HAVE ACCOMPLISHED THROUGH THE WORST OF TIMES, CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW MUCH YOU WILL ACCOMPLISH IN THE BEST OF TIMES WHEN YOU REGAIN YOUR HEALTH, PROPER WEIGHT, CONFIDENCE, ETC, ETC, ETC! YOU GO GIRL ... ONE DAY AT A TIME IS ALL WE CAN DO ... SHOOT, ONE MINUTE AT A TIME IS ALL I CAN DO SOME DAYS, THEN GOD GIVES ME THE GRACE TO WALK FORWARD AGAIN & AGAIN & PRETTY SOON I'M SCOOTIN' ALONG QUITE WELL, THANK YOU, LORD! NOW, A COOL STORY IN REGARDS TO MARK TAKING CARE OF THINGS. I HAVE A RELATIVE WHO WAS NOT THE MOST "CARING" PERSON ... HE WAS SAVED BUT EVERYTHING WAS ABOUT WHAT HE WANTED & HE COULD BE EXTREMELY CRUEL WITH HIS MOUTH, SAYING THINGS THAT WOULD HURT YOU DEEPLY. HIS WIFE BECAME VERY ILL & COULD NOT EVEN WALK TO THE RESTROOM BY HERSELF. SHE "HAD" TO RELY ON HIM & HE "HAD" TO HELP HER ... IT HAS ABSOLUTELY CHANGED HIM FROM THE INSIDE OUT. HE HAS PUT ASIDE HIS SELFISHNESS & IS DOING SO MUCH BETTER WITH HOW HE SPEAKS TO OTHERS ... &, HIS DAYS ARE FILLED WITH HELPING HIS WIFE. I WOULD HAVE NEVER BELIEVED IT HAD I NOT WITNESSED THIS TRANSFORMATION MYSELF. DECADES OF SELFISHNESS & MEAN-SPIRITNESS WASHED AWAY. YOU JUST FOCUS ON BEING THE BEST PERSON YOU CAN BE ... YOU'LL SHINE IN FRONT OF OTHERS ... TAKE CARE OF THOSE WONDERFUL CHILDREN ... &, LET EVERYTHING ELSE IN GOD'S HANDS. HE REALLY CAN CHANGE THE HARDEST OF HEARTS! GOD BLESS YOU ... DAWN & NICk PS ... SORRY ABOUT THE CAPS ... I FORGOT TO CHANGE THEM; I HAVE A TINY LAPTOP & THESE OL' EYES SEE THE CAPS BETTER.