Daughter has a boyfriend...

Well, it was bound to happen. She's almost 16 afterall. Do any of you have some sage advice? This is new territory for me. Thanks! Carolyn

Dear Carolyn, My 17 year old daughter had her first boyfriend this year. Oh my goodness! Her father had the most difficult time with it. He did the wierdest things when the boy was around and sometimes it was quite comical. I am sure the young man was terrified of him. tee hee The biggest thing that helped all of us was having the young man in our home -OFTEN! That way he got to know us and to know that our daughter was a treasured member of our family. Also, as most high school romances go, it was short lived. After a couple of months, he was gone. I think it upset me and his mom more than anything. We both wanted our children happy and not hurt. Anyway, after some absence, the boy now comes over with all of the friends they hang out with and everything seems ok. I even told him it was nice to see him again. He smiled and I think he felt relieved I wasn't mad. Hang on and remind your daughter daily that you love her and she is a precious treasure. Keep us posted. With smiles- Kim M.

Thanks Kim. I appreciate your words. I think the biggest key is having him come to our house - often. He's not from a Christian family, so I'm not sure what his morals are... Thanks again! Carolyn

I suppose the first thing I would say would be not to be unequaly yoked...it is more likely for a non-Christian to sway the Christian then for the Christian to sway the non-believer. That is our rule...daughter has no interest yet and she says she wants someone who loves Jesus even more than she does since he is to be the Head of the Family. Great wisdom there Girlfriend. He should lead her in a closer walk with the Lord not her pull him behind....love ya and pray Girlfriend w/o ceasing....(smile) Joan M

Carolyn, Christian boys sometimes have less than desirable morals. Both of my boys were raised in a Christian home, and they both live with their girlfriends. They are adults now, but they were the same as teenagers. Being a Christian does not guarantee sexual purity, especially for teenagers. That said, encourage your daughter to talk to you about her beliefs about dating, and relationships, and sexuality. See where her heart is about these topics and encourage her to study God's Word on these issues. Share with her your beliefs in a non-condemning way. No matter what, tell her you love her and that most importantly, God loves her and sees her as His pure Bride of Christ. Hugs, Trish

Hello my friend! Can't we just lock our girls in the closet? LOLOL I don't know what I am going to do when I get to that point....so you will have to be giving me advice then! My oldest daughter is 10, but she has a disorder which lead to her "developing" at the age of 7! I have been giving her shots at home to try and get a handle on it...bc if we did not...she would be very short...but the doc says she is old enough to get off of them now. So...we have the development...and the raging hormones...beginning at age 7...and they have gotten worse! This week she hates me...LOL. Oh my...it is interesting. Especially...teaching her not to dress like she belongs on the street or something...instilling the modesty...and not wearing tight stuff. Can we say fun? Not...LOL. I hope things go well! Hugs, Stephanie

Dear Friends, Having raise 4 sons I have to say that I found it very funny that you all are talking about this. My biggest fear was those pushy "girls"! Always calling, always wanting to "talk". LOL - trust me, raising boys is just as challenging as raising girls. Here are some of the rules we used. 1. No boy and girl alone in car dating. Groups only. This way no one could use the "he said - she said" game. 2. No weeknight dating - our boys were permitted to attend the school dances, but not go to the movies and such 3. No phone calls from girls - this was such a hard one for the girls to understand - even their parents had trouble, but I wanted my boys to concentrate on school and sports. The biggest rule and we talked about this from the time they were young toddlers (well almost) - not a Christian - not happening. I would suggest you all look into books about "courtship" and before anyone says it can't be done - I raise 4 sons - all are now married except the youngest - he is getting married this June. 3 of the four were Valadictorians of their public high schools, Varsity athletes, Prom Kings, Class officers, etc. The 4th was all of those things except valdadictorian. I tell you this not to brag, but to show you that "normal" guys can remain virgins till they marry and marry virgins. The greatest phone call I got was from one of my sons on his honeymoon to "thank" my husband and me for "helping" him to wait. He was nearly in tears with his joy that him and his wife were truely one person now. Now in light of full disclosure - one of my sons was a bit rebellous and he did jump the gun with his only girlfriend. After being together for almost 4 years they did have premarital sex (each a first and only with each other) and became pregnant. They were engaged at the time, but God shined a light big time on their activities. The big wedding they were planning was immediately scaled down and held within 3 weeks of the announcement. We have a darling grandson and my son and his lovely wife are very happy. I am very proud of both of them for not taking the worlds "easy way out". Well ladies - all this is to say - pray often, talk about everything!!!! even things that make you nervous or uncomfortable. Do not miss the opportunity to tell your daughtes why you should wait - why God is in control - why there is a special person just for them. Long talks and prayer - the answer to the teen years.

I agree Sally...my 14 year old just went to a conference where she pledge purity until she married. She bought a purity ring and on her wedding day she will give that ring to her husband. She also has a purity Bible that she has been studying. Not only is it important to keep there bodies pure but their tender hearts were never meant to be given away to someone who may not be their spouse. The enemy can use those memories to haunt her later and interfere with her relationship with her intended. This all may sound old fashioned but Jesus calls us to a different stand than the world does. Now that being said, we all are responsible to train our own kids and use the judgement and wisdom the Lord has given us. But thanks Caolyn for sharing and we all know how hard it is to train our kids in this day and age. But sin is sin and that hasn't changed...as Solomon...there is nothing new under the sun. But there is JESUS! Joan M

Hi Carolyn, I would first encourage to pray for this relationship....no matter how long or how short it may last. Second, I would suggest involving this young man in activities that are in your home....cookout, movie night, etc., so that you, too, may get to know him. I have two daughters...one is now married and the other is with a steady boyfriend. We bought our youngest daughter a small diamond ring when she was 15 (paid maybe $99 for it) and had a little ceremony (this was with her knowledge, by the way) that she would commit to saving herself for marriage. The ring (that she picked out) would be a reminder to her that she was saving herself for her husband. We had prayer...my husband read some scripture, and I honestly believe with all my heart that she has remained faithful to that promise. Just Be honest and keep communication open...............

Thank you all for the thoughtful replies. i'll be on my knees a lot about this one! Thank you again! - Carolyn