Hope

I'm bouncing off the walls since deciding that I want the surgery. I want it!!! I want it!!! I want it now!!! I want to ride a horse, and a bike, and on the back of a motorcycle. I want to run! I want people to say I look amazing. I daydream about it all the time. I think about having a few weeks off from work, about staying in the hospital, about drinking, and eating, and buying what I'll need. I think about clothes. I think about how I will tell my friends, family and co-workers. I think about giving my testimony at retreats, churches and Celebrate Recovery meetings. I think about the support of people here and from my church. I think about dancing. I think about before and after pictures. Mind you, I haven't had my consultation appointment yet. It's 6 days away. And yesterday I called a psychiatrist to make an appointment, and I wrote a letter to my PCP asking him to write a letter to Barix to get a jump on things. Have I gone completely bonkers? I realize that for the longest time (like more than 20 years) I had NO HOPE of ever losing weight. Just none. I had resigned myself to being obese. I even convinced myself it was perfectly okay. I refused to diet anymore, and God help the person who suggested I should! People mentioned WLS and I'd say, "That's terrible. I'd never do that. I could never give up food like that." And then I started a recovery program for food addiction a year and a half ago. And I was recovering, but not losing weight. And I thought, oh well, I guess God wants me to stay fat. And then I heard Him say, "You will have a body that matches your witness." Yeah, right! And I doubted. And then God brought this person into my life who had the surgery. And she was so positive, and so excited. And she led me to this site. And then I went to my PCP who said "Go for it!" And he told me they recommended a place that is 15 MINUTES FROM MY HOUSE!!! And I have HOPE. And I want to LIVE. For so long I really didn't care if I lived or died. And now I'm excited and hopeful. And it's amazing. Jill

Jill - I remember those feelings so clearly! Isn't hope amazing? Praise the Lord - and I thank HIM so much for leading me to this process, guiding me through surgery, and to a life where I'm no longer held prisoner in my body! Hope is amazing - GOD IS AMAZING!!! Congrats on the beginning of your journey and for focusing on how God can use this in your life!!! Come back often and let us know how it's going!!! ~Carolyn

Jill, This surgery is one of the best things I have ever done for myself to get a healthy body. I am healthier now than I have ever been in my whole life. God orchestrated everything for me. Believe me the advisary tries to put bumps in the road along the way, but our God is so awesome and strong that the evil one never stands a chance. Remember, "If God be for me, who can be against me?" Romans 8:31 Your time will come quickly. Look how many obsticles you have hurdled already. It is so clear He is working this out already. Many people have trouble even getting their PCP on board. Look at your friend who is a perfect resource right there! It is all coming together. Keep us all up to date. Kim M.

Jill I think my other two friends replied exactly how I would have...God is the One who starts a flicker of hope and then makes it a flame. I know I say it often but it is soo true...Ephesians 3:20, "Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Eph 3:21 unto him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus unto all generations for ever and ever. Amen. " I think that says it all. Love in Him, Joan M

Hi Jill, I live in Langhorne, and would love to talk to you, if you need someone to talk to. I went to Barix, and have gone to the Pre- and Post-Op meetings. I understand that bouncing off the walls stuff. e-mail me and I will send you my number. Hugs, Trish [email protected]