What a Day...

I have felt better today than I have in MONTHS! I can't explain it, except I FEEL WONDERFUL! God is so good! ALL THE TIME! I know you guys have been praying for me as well as others. It works! I got a good report from Dr. Sherer on the most part. All of my blood work came back GREAT except for my blood level. I have to take these iron pills for 8 more weeks then return to check it again. He says I am very anemic. I'm glad I didn't stop taking them like I almost did. If I had given 'em up, I'd have gotten blood today. When I called them last week, I got 2 choices offered. The iron pill or blood! I want to give God credit for them not making me sick any more though. I prayed and asked Him to help me not get sick again after I took them. I sure BELIEVE it was HIM that took care of that! In all, life is pretty good. I don't lie in bed crying myself to sleep at night anymore and I am not near as depressed as I have been. I'm trying not to feel guilty about moving on and living life. I know Joie wouldn't want me to grieve. That's exactly what I was doing too. Grieving myself sick! I can now admit it. I've been praying about that too. Joie would beat me naked if she could get ahold of me! What a sight that would be! I had to mentally SLAP myself into reality and learn to keep on living and MOVE on mentally! I will always love and miss her, but she'd tell me, life goes on. I'm not leaving her behind, I'm just keeping on keeping on. Does that make sense? Anyway, depression is moving on and Randall has decided he has a LOT to live for! Namely Torey and Allison! And myself. God is my source! It's in HIM that I live and breath and if I live and breath in HIM, then life will be good! I can honestly say this book I just finished reading was a big help. It was called "Healed Without Scars" and what a blessing it was to me. One of the chapters that has just stuck in my mind was titled, "I Remember the Pain, It just doesn't hurt like it use to". Long title for a chapter, but a POWERFUL title! It helped me to realize (along with God) that I can remember it. It's ok to remember it, but it just doesn't have to hurt as badly as long as I have God and learn to let go of the hurt. I know this is long, but like I've said before, it helps to have you guys to talk to. I've cut hedges this afternoon and vacumed out the car as well as do some house cleaning. LIFE IS SO GOOD! Praise God for HEALTH and energy! Time to heal and move on! Not forgetting! Just living! Thanks for letting me ramble! I love you all! Randall

Dear Randall, It sounds like you are growing through your trials. That is how it should be. Trials are supposed to make us stronger, and able to better serve the Lord as a result, and you are a testimony to that. Your grieving process sounds like it is normal as well. Don't beat yourself up for grieving as you did. But, now that you are through that valley, you can pick yourself up and move on to the next chapter of your life. Never forget Joie. She is part of you and always will be. But, now that you are done that phase of grieving, you can protect her memory and keep it safe and secure, where the hurt is not so bad. I remember when I went through my divorce I felt like I was a walking zombie. Coworkers were asking my best friend what was wrong with me, because I was in such a depression, I barely made it to work most days. When I was at work, I just looked so miserable. I finally snapped out of a couple of years later, as I went back to graduate school and began pursuing a career my ex did not want me to pursue when we were together. The more I studied, and learned, the more passionate I became, and realized that God had wonderful plans for me, just as I had been promised in Jeremiah 29:11. My husband left me in February 2001, and I graduated from grad school in August 2005. This past summer, I was blessed to work part time at my new career, and feel that God had His hand in it the whole time. I could see that Romans 8:28 is true. "All things work together for good to them that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose." My divorce was not good, but my new career is good. Sorry to babble. I hope this makes sense to somebody. I am glad you had a good day. The more we align our lives to His will, the more we are better able to see His blessings on our lives. Hugs, Trish

Randall, It is so good to hear you are doing better. I've been through severe depression and know how it can affect you. Mine started as postpartum depression after having my second child and ended up being severe depression before I sought help. It took me a while to get through it, but I am lots better now. I still feel that old demon of depression trying to settle in every once in a while but God always gets me through. I know Joie would want you to move on. God bless you Randall and your children!! Love, Shelly

and hugs, sandyd

((((HUGS)))) Randall~ Your post brought happy tears. I have been praying for you and will continue to do so. Be Blessed~ Becky

My dad died leaving the responsibility of taking care of my brother and myself to my mom...I don't know how she did it, but she did...what a wonderful. strong woman who perceviered over many obstacles. God was with all of us during those daily adjustments. I know she had her moments when she was overwhelmed but God remained faithful and met our every need. I obviously didn't know Joie but I just feel that she is smiling from her heavenly home at the love and care you are giving to the children, your family, your church and your community. Don't ever think you are just rambling....our shared words touch each other in a remarkable way....and just when they are needed the most. God designs it that way! Have a blessed Sunday!