Listening to my body....

Hi folks, Well, yesterday started out kinda rough, and ended pretty much the same way, with plenty of *rough* in between! I got up flaring (fibromyalgia) but in denial, trying to fight through a *fibro flare* since about 6am right up to meeting my workout partner at the scheduled 9am workout time for, you guessed it--leg day! I especially wanted to have high energy, because this was the first true leg workout I have done in over 2 months, due to my foot surgeries. A leg workout for me is the most grueling workout of all of them, and I need to be at optimal energy to do it. I tried to convince myself that once I got into the workout, I would feel better and keep going. I wrote off the poor balance I was feeling when trying to do free weight squats, chalking it up to being out of it for 2 months (those stabilizers are complaining but they'll get over it, I kept trying to tell myself). I shifted to the smith machine for my squats to offset the balance issue. I ignored the incredible weakness in my legs when I struggled with excruciating difficulty to do the squats, even with no weight on the bar, concentrating on form. Again, I chalked this up to 2 months off the weights. But then, suddenly, the lights in the gym were unbearable, and I just stood at the smith machine, bar resting on my back, holding my hands over my eyes to try to block out the light. It was at this moment, that I could not ignore any longer that I was having a flare, and it was gonna be a doozie! I felt like I was going to throw up. I stopped doing the squats right then and there, knowing this was too intense to work through with a flare. I also knew that because my muscles were already stressed from the flare, that even the lightweight squats would leave me with muscle soreness comparable to a brutal, muscle-crushing workout by the next day! So I find myself sitting on a bench, watching my workout partner do his massive free-weight squats while I am sitting there, feeling as weak as a kitten. I thought, ok, well maybe I can do them as inverted leg presses instead. Maybe it will be easier if I get off my feet and isolate just the legs. Got on the leg press machine with half the weight I usually *start *with. Nope. I could do *one* rep and my leg**** failure. I stopped and watched my partner do a couple of sets on the 45 degree squat machine. He looked at me, saw I wasn't doing too well, and asked me if I wanted to call it a day. I was completely frustrated by this time with the weakness, but I really wanted to get that leg workout in that day. Stubborn, and not listening to my body, that was screaming, "Not today, not like this!" I decided to at least try and do some leg extension/leg curl supersets. Again, I was so weak in my quadruceps that I could barely do a set with only *one* plate. I was absolutely incredulous in the face of this degree of weakness, but hoped the flare would just pass soon. My hamstrings were not much better on the leg curl machine, but still I pushed on, hoping that the flare would subside on its own by sheer force of will. I somehow managed to stagger through 3 sets of each, all with very low weights. But it left me so weak that my knees buckled as I stepped off the machine after the last rep, so I just sat there in a stupor on the floor for a minute or so, in pain, trying to fight back tears. It was while I was sitting there that I finally bought a clue and knew that I just needed to go home and go to bed. I fixed my protein shake and couldn't get home fast enough! I went straight to bed, and in bed is where I stayed till early this morning. My leg muscles, particularly my quadriceps, started becoming sore last night, not even 12 hours after I exercised. Not a good sign. "Oh, so NOW you listen to me?" my body seems to be chiding me ! Ok, ok, I'm listening! And I'm feeling--and I've got some unbelievably sore muscles this morning! Walking downstairs, sitting down, OUCH! In all fairness to me, despite how utterly pig-headed I was yesterday in the gym, to my own detriment, usually if I get a flare I can resolve it to some degree by doing some gentle movement and a gentle workout, so the idea, at least, that exercise could help me if I worked through the pain a bit, was not a bad one. But ignored my own 5-minute rule, which is that if I am flaring and 5 minutes of gentle exercise doesn't relieve the symptoms, then I need to stop and rest, not continue. Bad girl! I spent the entire rest of the day and all night, in bed, in pain, miserably uncomfortable, having a completely awful flare, and now that I am past that flare, I now have some wicked sore muscles to soothe. I'm going to go back to the gym at lunchtime and try to do a back workout, at least, and walk *a little* and do some stretching, just to try to loosen these overtight legs a bit. And today, I promise to adhere to the 5-minute rule, really! Donna E. www.teklawgirl.biz

That sucks, but you are determined, AND I DIG THAT. Listen to your body, Kristie (My wife) has lupus and tries to power thru also, and she pays for it. Work it when you can, rest when you need to.

I *am* determined indeed! I was sick for so many years with my health declining, and I never want to come close to going back to that again! I'm just so determined to get fully back into my routines that I just didn't want to have that derailed by a flare! I am used to working out while in pain from flares, though the symptoms Saturday were particularly bad. But working through a flare usually feels like an even better accomplishment than when I'm not flaring. And that flare, with the overall weakness, vertigo and pain were particularly high. So I am paying for it, and my legs hurt to even move at all now. Today was a better day. I woke up without the flare, had my both of my breakfasts on schedule, and hit the gym and did an excellent back and biceps workout! My partner wants to try doing a 3-day split, though I've always preferred to have a 4- or 5-day split. So tomorrow I will do my cardio, then my chest, tris, and shoulders. With kindest regards, Donna E.

Ok, Nurse Val here...you know what I am going to say I am sure... While I know that need to push through, that determination, it makes us powerlifters and bodybuilders a unique breed unto ourselves, and I respect that to the hilt...but... PAIN IS AN INDICATOR!!!! Ask Earl how many times I preach that. Somethings you can push through and somethings your body is just telling you to cool it while it catches up. You know this, so I won't preach too much! I hope you are feeling better, and you are right LISTEN to your body. It will tell you all you need to know. There's no point in making yourself sick and then backsliding only to have to catch up again... I really understand and respect where you are coming from. I have Ankylosing Spondylitis, and understand how it feels to have your body put limits on what you can and can't do, and once you taste that freedom.... Wow, you never want to go back. Hang in there, go with the good days and rest on the others! We'll be hanging with ya on the bad days and pushin' ya on the good ones! Take care! Valerie

Hiya Val, I'm feeling better today, just had a mild bedtime flare last night that resolved pretty quickly but was fine at the gym other than the *extreme* soreness in my legs. I really really really don't like to accept the limits that fibromyalgia can put on me either, so yeah, you're right, you know how that feels. But if I caved to pain every time it happened, I would be laid up in bed waiting to die by now. I have learned that there are flares and there are FLARES (hence the 5-minute rule), and Saturday happened to be the latter and I wasn't paying attention. I should have rested Saturday and I ignored the signs. The pushing just feels better for me. I don't like sitting and idling when my head is saying, "come on let's go go go!" When I'm not pushing, I feel like I'm losing the race for nothing. I believe that pushing myself is what got me to where I am today. I also don't want to seem like a cry baby in the gym; it is personally embarassing to me to go wuss out in the gym. I don't want to be *different* than everybody else. I don't want to give in to this stupid disease and when I'm forced to it just frustrates the heck out of me. My friends with fibromyalgia are amazed at what I do and can't imagine how I do that--push through the pain. But it's all a mental exercise, and I'm not the first person in the gym to fight through pain to attain a higher objective. Heck, that's what muscle-building is about (granted, to a point). You tear down muscle, it burns like heck, and then you rebuild it through rest/recovery and diet/recovery. So I have more pain when I do that than other people, just more to block out mentally, or treat it like it is just more of the burn. It can get rather foggy around when it's too much and I should stop. But there were neon signs flashing in my head that told me this was not one to push through (nausea & abdominal pain, photosensitivity, vertigo, extreme persistent weakness of the muscles, over-emotional, mentally foggy). Thanks for hanging with me this weekend; it was really nice to have you guys to talk it through. There just aren't many people around that would understand this. Hugs, Donna E. www.teklawgirl.biz

I am glad we could be here. I completely understand where you are coming from. I know what it feels like to want to do do do and your body is telling you "sorry". The nurse in me just tends to err on the side of caution sometimes! I am glad you are getting better with it. You know your body better than anybody! But, you know, that mother hen in me just jumps right out sometimes!

Hey, you just keep on jumpin', ok? I really appreciate it. I don't know that there are that many people around that really know how that feels, why it's so important to me, how hard it is to let it go and walk away because it's really the right thing to do sometimes. On the other hand, maybe there are *tons* of people who understand that, just with somewhat different particulars than mine. There are plenty who have it harder than me, and that just makes me feel like the last thing I want to do is whine that it's hard sometimes. Hugs, Donna E. www.teklawgirl.biz

Donna, I dont know what to say other than, I admire your honest post. You have more courage than me.....and most people in the gym. You inspire me to work harder. If you can over come your fibromyalgia flaring up, I can work a little harder in the Gym. Good luck and I hope your flair up goes away.

Hiya John, I really mean it when I say that if *I* can do this, anybody can! Believe me, it's not as bad being abandoned by your parents and living on the streets at 12 yrs old, though, and although surviving was the best I could manage back then at times, it's not enough to me today to just simply survive now. Surviving is only the beginning. There's having a life worth living, one that I value; there's overcoming the obstacles in our head and in our lives in general so that there's room for the good stuff. The first things you have to beat are your own demons, and that can't happen till you *own* them yourself. That's the part that a lot of people don't get--our demons only have the power over our lives that we give them. Once you figure that out and have those little nasties put in their proper place, then there's moving yourself forward in your life. Once I realized that I had the choice to either sit there and feel sorry for myself and spin my wheels or I could work like heck to get to a better place, it was a no-brainer. I am just not one to say "quit" to life; I believe in fighting for whatever it is that you really want, and that what you are willing to do to get what you want speaks volumes about what you really want the most. That's the key. The way I see it, our actions define our priorities. Mine is to have a quality of life that has health and fitness at the top of my list of priorities, even if I have to fight like heck to get it. I'm not unique that way; plenty of obese and formerly obese folks are well familiar with the struggling. The cool thing about the surgery for me is that at least now I can fight like heck to achieve health and fitness and be able to get there! With kindest regards, Donna E. www.teklawgirl.biz

AMEN!! It took me 35 years to start to figure that out, and I am really working on doing that still. You know "I wish I knew now what I didn't know then" is so true. But, I think our life experiences define who we are. They can either make or break us, and I am too stubborn to be broken!