My insurance requires a 6 month medically-supervised wt. loss program and I started it on Friday (Optifast). It was actually easier the first few days but now I'm having hunger pangs and cravings. I've lost 22lbs so far, so I guess that's good, but our scale stopped working today and I feel a bit of panic - that number on the scale was kind of getting me through this thing. It struck me as odd. I had no idea how much I wanted to see that number every morning. Does this mean I won't be able to stick to the post-surgery eating plan? Arrgh.

Im back from my vacation. It was a good time. I got sick yesterday after dealing with constipation all week. I was surprised my weight wasn't higher this morning. Back to healthy eating.

HW 368

2 WEEKS AGO. 172

TW 174.8

Happy Monday weekly weighers!

How did you all do this week? I took part in the AMAW/CAMAW challenge, which went well. Down 4lbs this week. I'll take it!

i went shopping yesterday for clothes, and actually came home with nothing. My brain needs some time to process. I easily fit into a size 16 now, and actually managed to pour myself into a size 14 jeans. But looking at some photos, it's like I couldn't see the difference all of a sudden. From a size 32 to a 16, and My brain just said nope. Does not compute!

Added in the fact that most plus stores don't carry sizes small enough, and regular stores don't go high enough! Ugh I'll try again some night this week. I actually had to text my sisters to ask how jean sizing works, because I have never shopped in non plus sections in my life!

Stats:

HW: 378

LW: 214

TW: 210

take care everyone!

I posted last week about it being weird and a bit concerning when I lose weight randomly. Well no worries I found it and put on 4 pounds in a week! I'm blaming the steroids but still...shows me for saying it out loud.

HW: 377

LW: 128

TW: 132

Morning weekly weighers!

I went to the movies on Saturday, and nearly everyone around me was morbidly obese, and many smo.It was a strange feeling. I can't quite explain but it felt humbling to not stand out like that anymore. And I also felt ****ty for even noticing and sizing them up in my mind. Comparing them to myself, where did I fit in that range . Etc. don't get me wrong, I did it pre op too, always checking to see who was the biggest person in the room. Spoiler alert: without fail, it was always me.

Im now what Roxanne Gay calls "lane bryant fat". I'm an acceptable kind of fat. It's just a trip to no longer be an outlier. My brain is struggling to catch up sometimes. At the movies, I worried I was crowding the woman next to me, but the reality is she was spilling into my seat, not the other way around. And she knew it and offered me the arm rest. I didn't take it or need it. But I knew she did, and it was her way of apologizing for taking up space. For just being.

ugh none of that makes much sense, too many conflicting feels hahaha

anywho:

stats:

Hw: 378

LW: 219

TW: 214

have a good one!