I'm scared and I need advice.

I don't know where to begin. I've never posted on a forum like this before. I don't know if I can be helped. But I'm scared. I am considered morbidly obese and recently it has come to attention to a disturbing degree. I am scared that it's too late for me and my bell will be ring soon if I don't do something.

I can't sleep currently. When I do get to sleep I wake up frequently. In the mornings I'm nauseous. I feel myself getting worse despite everything I have tried.

And I have tried what seems like everything. Diets are a bust, though I'm sure I don't have to say how hard it can be to stay in line. Exercise is a joke and not because I can't do it. My work requires I be incredibly active. Yesterday alone I walked 8 miles, and that was a shorter day. So what now? Surgery? I'm terrified not to mention that there is no way to afford it (I'm not asking for financial support). As I approach my 30th birthday I'm horrified. I don't want to die.

In truth that might be a little hyperbolic and I'm aware that I might have past trauma that makes me worry. My father used to tell me near daily that I would die before I was 30 if I don't change my habits since I was a child.

(Side note: I'm not sure I was emotionally abused growing up. But it feels like I have horror stories)

So I come here, to a place in which I am a stranger with a hope that someone can help me... Or advise me... Or just to know what I go through because I've never met someone who knows what it's like and frankly I feel like an alien in a strange land.

This was the single hardest thing I've ever written.