New here, new to the process - confession time

Hi all,

I have been reading through this forum and think it's great to have one for bmi over 50. I agree... it's different at a higher starting point. My bmi is just over 54.

I just had my doctor referral a week and a half ago and I am anxiously waiting for my orientation date. I am so eager to get started, but so scared too. I haven't told anyone. Not my sister. Not my best friends. No one. I know I will in good time.

I think I haven't told people because I want to be ready for all their questions first. I figure I am going to be judged. Maybe, if I am being truthful, I am just judging myself. I have thought about this for years, but to finally do it feels like a last resort. Surprisingly, it doesn't feel like a failure. It feels like a real chance at living the life i actually want to.

I have real fear though. What if I go through all this and I still don't lose weight? What if I find the desire to eat overwhelming and regain? What if the procedure leaves me feeling worse than I feel now? What if I hate the new lifestyle?

Since my referral, I picture myself thin all the time, and what I would be doing... I also imagine myself in the new way of eating. I believe I want that more than I want to continue living this way.

It's still scary as heck.

I imagine some of you have felt some of what I feel. What has helped you?

Thanks so much! :)

you'll definitely lose the weight as long as you stick to the program. You'll also keep it off - or most of it off - as long as you stick to the program. The overwhelming desire to eat (and regain) usually comes several months (or a year or two) into it. Hopefully during the first few months when you're really motivated and never hungry, you'll have developed new habits and worked through some of the head stuff and will know how to deal with it (although admittedly, it's really tough sometimes). The vast majority of people feel 100% better, not worse. I, for one, haven't felt this good in years. Also, I'm not sure why you'd hate the new lifestyle. Do you mean as far as eating and exercise? It's definitely a change - although I don't mind it, esp now that I'm in maintenance. As far as everything else, I wouldn't give it up for the world. NO WAY do I ever want to go back to where I was!

Thanks so much. Sorry to hear you're not feeling so well lately. Your weight loss is amazing. Congratulations! Yes, the "lifestyle" I mean is the food restrictions. Exercise I like.

But the struggle with food is real. I would rather do it at 165 lbs than 303!

Hi Oneatatime, and welcome!!

If you've been reading through these forums then you already know that everything you're feeling is completely normal and this is an emotional process more than anything else. And reading through the forums is also my answer to "What has helped you?"... for me the number one thing on my list is OH, 100%

I think it's good for you to wait to tell people until you feel ready. Be confident in your choice, whatever it is, and do what you feel is the right thing for you. Support is essential but unfortunately not all of us get that from our friends and family. If/when you decide to tell them I hope they respond the way you want but if not you're still not alone in this. Ultimately we're the ones who are responsible for our own success and it sounds like you want this...but I understand the fears. It's completely natural to fear the unknown but consider the known. For me I knew I couldn't keep asking so much from my body, I knew that just getting up and down was becoming increasingly difficult, I knew it was becoming harder and harder to find clothes, I knew the anxiety that would build up every time I was going somewhere new because I was worried what the chairs would be like, I knew that I was constantly judged... I'm sure you know I could go on, the list is long... but ultimately I knew that I wouldn't grow old living that way.

We drive ourselves crazy with the 'what if's', I'm very guilty of that myself but do try to shift your thinking, yes it can be scary but.... What if surgery is the very best thing you've ever been brave enough to do for yourself and it changes your life in ways that a pre op you can't even begin to fathom??

Thanks Christine!

What is OH? :)

Yes to everything you said! I have all those same fears and thoughts. I read what people write about this not being "the easy way out." I'm cool with that. I don't need an easy way. I just need a way. A chance.

Some friends wanted to go on vacation recently and I said no because I didn't want them to see I need a seatbelt extender. That was sort of the beginning of realizing I am done living this way.

Thanks for all your words!

Oops... OH... this site, got it!!!

You have to remember that surgery is not magic. Sounds simple, but if you read the regain posts here on OH so many people seem to think the surgery was supposed to do all the work. It doesn't.

I jus****ched my surgeon's lecture on health, weight loss surgery, life,, etc and it was good. As he said (and shown in the Nike commercial), you have to be prepared to leave your old self behind. Reincarnate. Otherwise, weight loss surgery is all for naught.

Good luck. Weight loss surgery saved my life. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

Reincarnate. That's such an interesting thought. I will check out the lecture. Thank you for sharing! It really is about total change....

Your fears totally resonate with me.

So pre-op the only people I told were the people who I felt shouldn't hear that I was having surgery if I died during surgery. I.e., I didn't think my parents should find out I was having surgery when they got the call to say, "your daughter died in surgery." :P Yes, I'm grim. So I told my parents, my partners, my 2-3 BFFs, and my brother. I also told my voice teacher and my massage therapist because my surgery was going to impact those services.

Post-op, I waited until I'd lost about 60 pounds to tell the rest of the world. I wanted to be sure it was going to work. I didn't want to deal with judgement pre-op. I didn't want to deal with listening to horror stories about "well I know a person who did that and they DIED." Etc. Seriously, did not need that crap. But when I was ready, about 4 months post-op, I posted my awesome amazing news to Facebook. And all of the people *****sponded were phenomenal. No haters, just love and support.

What if I go through all this and I still don't lose weight?

Well, this is possible. You can eat around any surgery. You could eat ice cream for every meal post-op and you wouldn't lose weight, you'd probably gain weight. Surgery definitely isn't a magic fix. However, if you stick to the plan AND if you work hard to fix your brain as well, you will lose weight and, even better, maintain your weight loss.

What if I find the desire to eat overwhelming and regain?

Well, this is also possible. But if that happens you'll talk to your therapist and your doctor or surgeon and figure out how to fix your brain and lose the weight again. The surgery operates on your stomach, but you've got to use that breathing space to operate on your brain. It IS possible. It'll just take a lot of hard work and dedication. Surgery is definitely NOT the easy way out, not if you want a longterm fix.

What if the procedure leaves me feeling worse than I feel now?

I guess that's a risk with any surgery? But, from what I've read, most of the time people feel better than they originally felt. So it never seemed likely to me that I'd be "lucky" enough to be an outlier. If you do feel worse, you'll talk to your doctor/surgeon/therapist and figure out what's going on and how to fix it.

What if I hate the new lifestyle?

That would suck also. But one of the things I've learned from the forums is that there is no "the new lifestyle." There are lots of different ways to lifestyle post-op. Some people come to love exercise (like me!), some people don't, some people eat lots of meat (like me!), some people are veg*n. But my "new lifestyle" is that of a happy and healthy human being and what's to hate about that?! It's awesome :)

I guess my point is that there are no givens in life. Everything is a risk. Surgery is a risk, continuing the way you are now is a risk - which risk do you choose?

I chose the risk of VSG. I DID, and still am, losing weight. I DID find the desire to eat overwhelming and gained from 180 to 190 after my dad died in April 2016. Then I got diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder, medicated, and lost 30 pounds. I've never felt worse than I felt pre-op. I love my new lifestyle, and life, every single day and I've had to overcome crap in the last three years that I don't think I ever would have been able to survive if I hadn't given myself the gift of VSG. (And a great therapist.)

Thanks for your very detailed and inspiring response. Good to know there are others who aren't/didn't tell people as well! It's true what you're saying about the lifestyle. It's not a one size fits all. I do know that what I have now isn't what I want.

Outlier. Lol. Yeah, I'm not that "lucky" either. :)