First Surgeon Meeting Today

Today was the start of my journey to a healthier me and I walked away with mixed feelings. I am so ashamed and disgusted at how I have allowed myself to become so unhealthy and miserable. I got on the scale and it said 396lbs. this is the highest I have ever weighed and I have nothing to blame but myself. I am excited to have this surgery and get control of my life and eating. The surgeon asked how much I wanted to lose and I really don't have a number, I just want to be able to walk without pain and get dressed without becoming out of breath.  I want all this to happen now, but there are so many hoops to jump through to get there. I thought she would put me on a diet now, but she wanted to wait for clearance from my doctor. I am going to take control here and start a plan myself for damage control. How do you get over not hating yourself for how badly you have let yourself go?? http://www.obesityhelp.com/shared/images/smiley/msn/confused.gif

Hi & welcome! Congrats of making a decision to take control of your health. How did I get past hating myself? (Though I never hated myself-- I ignored how bad things were getting health wise.) therapy. I did counseling for a good three years before I ever even considered surgery. Counseling taught me that I had a unhealthy attitudes towards food, exercise, nutrition thanks to a lifetime of being berated about  those things by family. Best thing my therapist ever told me to do was get rid of every  old, frumpy, poor fitting article of clothes I owned. I worked at looking my best so I'd feel confident.  My highest weight was 337- and even then I had feautires I admired.

Learn to love yourself now. People often think is surgery will automatically make them like themselves more-- that's not the case. Do the emotional work now- surgery will only help you with the physical.

Great advise, everything always leads us back to our emotions, controlling that inner voice is tough sometimes, she can be mean. My goal this year is to be healthier physically, emotionally, and spiritually. I have been going to a counselor for two years and just made a switch to a new counselor that specializes in emotional eating. Thank you for taking the time to listen and respond it means the world to know someone cares.

Welcome to the boards! You will find a wealth of support and information here.

I come from a similar perspective as Peach. I don't have  the self loathing so many carry around. It's heart breaking for me to hear it. In addition to her suggestions, I'd also suggest you take the time to read up on obesity in general. While true we decide what goes in our mouth, the science behind how that comes to be is more complex than we've been lead to believe. You need to learn to separate morality from your weight. It isn't a moral failing to be obese.

Obese people have jobs, are professionals, entrepreneurs, volunteers in their communities, raising families, supporting extended families and friends, are active etc. But because they are obese, they are lazy? It doesn't add up. Would you feel that way about someone with arthritis or other chronic condition?

With regard to your goals: you will be shocked at how quickly you will feel better as the weight starts dropping. I thought I'd have to reach 100+ loss for aches and pains to go away. But literally before I reached 40 pounds down, the benefits were huge! Knees no longer ache, I could stand for hours, and have energy for days!

keep posting and reading!

How do we not hate ourselves for having let ourselves go?  The answer is simple: we forgive ourselves.  Doing that is the opposite, as it's decidedly not simple!

At my highest weight I could not be weighed on normal hospital scales.  They had to weigh me on an industrial thingy for laundry.  That was a wake up call, let me tell you.  Talk about hating yourself.  I dove into counseling heart and soul after this.  I literally did not miss an appointment for five years.  The more I felt self-hatred and the more I wanted to avoid counseling, the more I plunged into it and forced myself forward.  It wasn't easy by any means.  However, it saved my life.

The first thing is to remind yourself that you are worth caring for and loving.  At first we have to fight the voice that argues.  Sometimes we have to be a broken record.  A lot of this is repetition to build new brain habits.

The second thing is to assemble a support team.  If you don't have friends or family who are supportive, get a counselor, go to support groups whether online or in person, etc.  You will find people if you keep looking.  Don't give up!  

It all starts with being kind to ourselves.  That's truly the way to lose weight, as self-care is compassion at its greatest.