New Here and need all the help I can get

Thank you Mo.  That's such a lovely compliment.  I adore you, too.  

OH is great for finding out options regarding WLS.  All you have to do is read.

I do want to say that you should consider surgery because YOU want it, not because your husband pressures you into it.  Surgery is not a magic bullet and will not solve your issues with food.  Success requires commitment to permanent changes in your life.  Getting ahead of the game by going to support groups or an eating disorder therapist will help you examine your behaviors and reasons why you overeat.  Take care of your head issues now and your body will follow.

I understand that Canada has a long waiting list and requirements to qualify for surgery, so I can't comment intelligently on that.  I will say that WLS is the best decision I've made for myself.  It's changed how I feel physically and mentally.  It is not easy.  It will never be easy.  I will always have an unhealthy relationship with food.  The difference is now that I can control it better than I did in the past.  

We often see people on OH falling into the trap of thinking that those pounds you lose are gone "forever."  If you don't follow your plan and go back to eating the way you did prior to surgery, the weight will come back.  Even though you think you're barely eating enough to feed a squirrel, the weight will come back quite easily.  With the RNY, you will have the added benefit of malabsorption for a limited period of time.  With the VSG, it's just restriction.  Over time you will be able to eat more food.  The hardest thing to wrap my mind around is that I can't eat until I have that overwhelming sensation of being full anymore.  I miss the head rush that binge eating gives you, but I don't miss being 449 lbs.  

For the rest of our lives, we will always have to be diligent.  I think about food more now than I did before surgery.  Why?  Because I don't eat mindlessly, shoveling anything and everything into my mouth.  Sometimes I make poor choices, but I'd like to think that I make better choices 90% of the time.

Good luck on your journey.  It's hard, but it's worth it.

Hello Angela, I see you have gotten some really great advice from the community. I have been a personal trainer for over 10 years and I have encountered couples who have the same issues as you have. I have trained so many people I have been an "ear" on both sides. I have trained the spouse who has been pushed by there spouse/significant other to much and it has caused issues and I have trained people whose significant other provides no support. And I have encountered people whose significant other does like your husband who pushes to an extent and backs off.

There is no easy answer for you. I have seen couples fall apart and have seen some get stronger. At the end of the day your mental and physical health is what is at stake.  I believe you and your husband will be happier when you are healthy. The solution to your problem is simple, eat right, exercise and lose weight. However, the process of doing those things (eating right, exercising) can be difficult. This is where discipline with your eating and working hard comes into place. I think the help you need is within you. Sure the community, your husband can encourage you but at the end of the day you have to put in a whole lot of work to get the weight off.

I have seen relationship blossom when the person improves their health (which usually comes from weight loss). They become more confident, happier, etc. but it starts with understanding its a long, hard journey and there is no way around the discipline and determination it takes. Most people would rather give up on the sacrifice it takes to eat right and the consistency of training hard and settle for not being happy because they are not willing or up for the challenge.  It may be harder for you to lose weight with PCOS but not impossible which means you will unfortunately have to be even more dedicated.