A little concerned with recent attention

I am pretty shy by nature. I force myself to talk to people, I'm warm  and friendly once people get to know me, but i was always used to being an invisible wall of flesh.

As I have been losing the regain, I am beginning to draw male attention. Part of it is that I am losing everywhere but my boobs. Maybe I am giving off a vibe. I don't know. It's flattering and boosts my confidence, but it also makes me uncomfortable because I am used to only my husband thinking I am sexy. I feel bad that it make me feel good. Like I am being disloyal. I have had to tell  more than one guy that I am married (I don't wear a ring) and not a cheater.

Anyone else, experience the same sort of mixed feelings?

Thanks.

When I was 30 I lost a lot of weight, over 100 pounds, and ended up looking pretty good. And yeah, I suddenly went from being invisible to getting hit on by random guys. I wasn't married and had no significant other at the time but I still felt really uncomfortable, simply because I wasn't used to all the attention. It just really unsettled me, hard to explain why. I think it's because I've always been insecure, and it just made me suspicious when men started complimenting me for my looks and stranger started paying attention me.

I am not in a workplace with men... so I don't get that kind of attention...but I have noticed men hold the door for me all the time now, even young men. I didn't get that MO.

It sounds like you are handling it well. I am assuming you aren't wearing your ring because it is too big. Maybe buy a costume jewelry one to wear for now. QVC and HSN have pretty good quality costume jewelry...take a look.

I've never worn a ring hubby either. We both worked in industries where jewellery isn't allowed or can be harmful. So I just got out of the habit of wearing it. but It's true it doesn't fit.

Is it because it's metal? I also work in an industry where they don't want you to wear jewelry for safety reasons. Wearing something else that shows that you're off limits but is ok by your job is something to consider.

Wait. Maybe this is some kind of weird NSV?

It's so funny you posted this - just yesterday I went to the grocery store and noticed more men looking at me than usual. I became immediately self-conscious (Thinking OMG are my pants falling off?!) then when at the checkout line and the guy behind me asked for my number after we were chatting, it dawned on me that perhaps I was being seen as a woman by people instead of a big obese thing. It boosted my self-confidence a little bit!

I also don't wear my wedding ring (not in the habit of it, plus it's now too big that it would fall off) and agree with others- if you want to avoid being hit on, perhaps a temporary ring, or getting a ring guard put on your wedding ring.

Regarding the mixed feelings (or feeling disloyal) - I can't relate to that. I would probably feel bad if I had actually GIVEN my number, or was checking guys out in that way... but you can't control what others do!  Don't feel guilty - just take it as a compliment and let your ego grow a bit... we all could use an ego boost; especially coming from where we have.

I just say "thank you" when I receive a compliment.  When I receive harassment, I ignore it.  If someone else finds me attractive, it is a rush, but it definitely doesn't make me feel guilty - I know I have no interest in anyone else regardless of what they feel!  

It's gross that you need to tell people you're married and not a cheater - seriously, "I'm not interested" or "no thank you" should be more than enough.  :/

I've also noticed the extra attention by men, but as usual I kept thinking something was wrong with me. I kept thinking what are you staring at?, are my clothes disheveled?, do I have a booga hanging out my nose?, is something caught in my teeth? It can feel kinda weird, especially if you've spent most of your time "being invisible". I think eventually you get used to it, don't let it make you feel bad or disloyal. Besides guys usually zoom in on the "boobage" area anyway, its a guy thing.LOL

Being visible. It's quite a change isn't it? I have had regain but I remember the new visibility. People of both sexes were nicer. People smiled more and asked those daily little questions about the weather.Men held open doors. Now I'm back to being invisible..not exactly invisible but looked at with scorn or pity.

What I would say is that you get to be out in the world. You get to be your fab self. You owe nothing to their feelings or desires. You get to walk around normal sized and visible. It can be really fun. You get to get used to a friendlier world. And if a man is inappropriate think of a good verbal smack them up the side of the face line.

And boobs get looks. I wish I had little ones. They didn't shrink when I did.

Deb T.