Feel Like I'm Failing

I had RnY on November 4, 2014. Since then, I've lost about 110-120 pounds, however my weight loss stopped in June. I felt like I had great momentum, but I'd just raced across country (driving 20+ hours straight) to sit by my dying father's bedside. He died a horrific, painful death. It's been hard, but unfortunately, I felt like it was a well-worn path since I'd still been dealing with my fiance's death from two years prior. So, I'm in the process of moving cross country, my child and I have a life threatening illness we are both trying to deal with (he's also Autistic and in a wheel chair), and I'm living on my mother's couch until I can move in a few weeks. (All of my  belonging are in storage.) This is all on top of lawsuits (due to my dad's death), selling my house and buying a house, and so many other things. I don't mean to dump/ vent...we all have terrible things in our own lives, but I wanted to give some background.

I've stopped losing weight. No, I'm not eating good. Each meal my mother serves is focused around her first true loves: BREAD and Potatoes, and she doesn't eat meat, so it's difficult to navigate a diet life here. The truth is, I don't want to diet right now. 10 months out and I'm still severely nauseated when I eat...yes, no matter what I eat...yes, my doctor gave me an upper GI and seriously, no one has any idea why I'm still nauseated. I beg for zofran and get it sporadically, and when they do give it to me, they try to give me the liquid as I guess the pills aren't as effective post wls. Well, the pills work for me, and I'm allergic to the liquid, so you'd think they'd just give me some zofran tablets. However, it's an uphill battle. You'd think I was asking for narcotic pain killers or something.

Anyways, sorry for being long-winded. My point is...I don't want to diet right now. I'm beyond stressed out, grieving, essentially homeless, and because of my other illnesses, I have to carefully conserve my energy for must-do activities like housework and childcare. Despite me accepting I am what I am, I'm scared that the 110 is the only weight I'll lose. I feel like I can get back on track once I'm settled in my new house, but I can't stop making myself feel guilty over it. :(

Does anyone else have experience in plateauing for a few months, but then getting back on track? The last time I saw my doctor, I had only lost 100 pounds in 6 months and she acted very disappointed. 

It sounds like you've been through the wringer.  I'm sorry.  

I do have experience with putting myself into maintenance for a few months and then getting back on track.  Here's what I wrote elsewhere about that:

In late February we found out that my dad's cancer had gone to his brain and he needed to have brain surgery in March.  Then, in April, he had cyber (or gamma) knife radiation, I forget which at this point.  And then he had to start chemo again since his cancer started growing in his liver again.  As a result of all of this, and the summer travel I had already planned, I wasn't home for more than 10 days in a row between February and August.  

So things started with me saying, "it's okay to have a snack when I drive up to my parents' place."  And I think that would have been fine if I had stayed with visiting every 6 weeks.  However, with everything that happened, I ended up making the trip almost every week (or some other trip).  So what started off as a snack every 6 weeks became snacking every week.  And then, since I was snacking in the car, I started snacking outside of the car too.  And then it was just snacking, snacking, snacking.  

And, honestly, I didn't want to deal with it with everything else going on.  I just didn't care and told myself that I'd deal with it later.  I wasn't gaining weight, just maintaining right around 180.  

I think it was a good thing in a strange way.  I'd been having lots of body issues - borderline dysmorphia stuff, and being at 180 for a while really let me get reacquainted with my body and adjusted to it.  I'm pretty grateful for that.  

Once I felt like life was settling down again, or that there was an end in sight, I made a pact with myself to only have "healthy" snacks when I felt the need to snack.  Cheese and nuts mainly.  That let me start to curb the snacking urges.  Then I decided to do something radical and go back to my pre-pre-op diet of protein shakes for breakfast and lunch.  I had wanted to avoid that, since mentally it's not a good place to be and I don't think it's healthy to go back into diet mentality, but it turned out to be what worked to break out of the bad food habits I'd fallen into.  

And now it's the end of August and I'm feeling back on track.  I'm losing again and I'm feeling proud of myself for getting things under control.   I don't think success is what you do under ideal cir****tances, but whether you can pick yourself up again when you fall.  And I feel pretty successful :D

You have been through a lot so it is understandable that you have lost your focus. I hope you realize soon that eating badly will not solve any of it. Be kind to yourself by taking care of yourself. One day at a time. Track every bite. Make better choices starting now. Your child needs you to be as healthy and strong as possible.

OK first, {{hugs}}... you have had a rough go of it, be kind to yourself. Second, 100lbs in 6 months is great! At 6 months out I had lost 90lbs from surgery and 115 overall... Being in your Mom's home and not having total control sounds difficult. Are you having a protein shake? Having one  day might help to get your protein up and help get you on track. Maybe you can stock up on some easy protein sources...tuna, hard boiled eggs, cheese sticks, cottage cheese. So if the meal isn't great, it is not a big to-do for you to pull out something else or have a protein snack before and/or after meals. How soon are settling into the new house? It probably will be easier to get  back on track once you have your own routine. Do the best you can right now, and like I said be kind to yourself.

First of all, I am so sorry you have been through so much.

Second, you are about 9 months out, which is a very common time for a stall.  (I had my only long stall at that point... It was two months long!) so even without all the stress and poor food choices, you may still have stalled.

I would strongly encourage you to do whatever you need to do to get your eating back on track while you still have the benefit of some caloric malabsorption (which is gradually going away).  Please don't waste this time, because it will take longer to lose the weight 6-9 months from now. Let your mom know that you simply cannot eat the bread and potatoes, if it means fixing a separate meal for yourself, then do it.

As already suggested, go to the grocery and buy quick, easy, high protein items (like cheeses, deli meats, and nuts). I assume that your mom wouldn't mind if you purchased your own chicken or other meat and cooked it for yourself (and you child, who also doesn't need to have a diet that revolves around bread and potatoes!).  If she doesn't, emphasize that you have made this commitment and surgically altered your body and you need to eat a certain way to be healthy and successful.  You need to be sure you are getting enough protein.

Finally, I was struck by the fact that several times you mentioned not wanting to diet right now.  I think part of what is going on is with you is that you are still in the same dieting mindset as before surgery... but this isn't a diet, it is your new permanent way of eating, not something you do for a whole and then stop doing.  Changing that mindset is, unfortunately, the only way to be successful long term.

With everything you have been through, and the challenges of changing your approach to food, perhaps counseling would be useful.

You gave gotten off track, but getting back on track is just a matter of deciding to do it and then going back to the way you were eating BEFORE you stopped "dieting".  Protein first always, limited carbs, no drinking with (or right after) meals.

You can do it.

Lora

Hi Aurora - e-Hugs to you.

Do you think your nausea might be a protein deficiency?  I have heard it described as constant nausea (which makes it harder to get in protein because you are averse to eating!). As others have suggested... you have to get your protein in. Not only for weight loss, but for your health.

Best wishes to you, stay strong.