30 pounds from surgery and my husband cheats and wants a divorce

Well, as awful as it all is, this week is better than last week.  Last week breathing actually hurt...I mean physically hurt.  But, I ran away this weekend...took off Friday and I came back yesterday by early afternoon.  I went to stay with family out of state and they loved me, and babied me and made me feel like I was worth something.  I had a reason to breathe and fight and that none of this was my fault.  It wasn't the easiest time but it did help a lot and this week still really sucks but it sucks a little bit less. 

Hello,

first off I am truly so very sorry. Speaking from experience. I was married to my NOW ex for 16 years (1996-2012)

I raised HIS 3 disabled children as my own. I had the kids from 1,2,3 LOVE them as my own to them I am mom. I am still in contact with all the kids.

Anyways Dec. 24, 2011 I caught my EX sheriff deputy with the dispatcher. long story short I left we divorced. I moved to Hawaii to help my father with his heart surgery and met my fiancee :) June 12, 2012 been with him ever since. I have not explained it all just gave you a short version. If you are interested you can PM me ANYTIME! I know how bad it hurts.

Oh, wait the kicker he married the dispatcher she was also married and got divorced. They married Oct. 2012, and had TWINS January 2013. He has 2 stepchildren, the twins, and 3 kids of his own BUT he kicked the 2 girls out.My ex asked me to file I did so he could save face in the small town in Arkansas. I left so I took the blame I did a lot I should not have done i gave in. But I am ok with it all now because I escaped with my life and sanity.

It's a pretty crazy long story trust me!

I had my WLS 2003 things started going bad for us after I dropped a lot of weight. Now I know why he was acting the way he was HE WAS THE ONE guilty.

Be strong girl PM me if your interested.

Janine

PS: Every surgery I had and I have had A LOT. My ex was never around I did everything on my own with the children's and at times friends. You can do this!

Thank you for the encouragement!!  It sucks to have this happen.  I NEVER thought in a million years that he would do this.  Yesterday after taking a weekend away I finally told him what I thought.  I told him I didn't deserve this, he had NO excuse for the affair and it wasn't "over for a long time" like he told OUR SON...as if.  Dude, we were just looking at new cars which says FUTURE, and looking to buy a house which says FUTURE, and we just were "close" which I would love to share with his new friend but who cares it will just make her fight harder to get and keep him.  We all have to walk on egg shells here or he intimates he will leave early.  I have no one to help walk the dog who is also epileptic... its just a mess but I want to get the surgery so I at least have a chance at life.

So sorry you went through all of that!! I cant believe how one person can be so faithful and good and loving in a marriage (not that I couldn't improve in MANY ways) but the other person just moves on without notice?  Without saying we should work on this?  I'm unhappy? 

So, yeah moving on.  Hard to imagine a brite future and ever trusting anyone again.  I so am not looking forward to being alone and needing someone to now fulfill a very steep list of requirements and still like someone with "more to love."  Ya know?

Keep your head up and keep moving forward. I went thru this with my first husband and the father of my children. He will have to pay you child support for any minor or disabled children and more than likely alimony.  I'm sorry you are going thru this and while it seems like the end of the world right now, it can be the beginning of a whole new wonderful life. 

Im trying.  I think if the money end was all set and the surgery done I would feel much better.  Right now there are way too many unanswered questions for me to feel okay. 

I appreciate your encouragement and I keep praying and trying to be strong, not easy.  But I do know its a teeny bit better than last week and good to know I have people that understand and have made it through.

You need to take care of yourself so that you are healthy for yourself and your kids. The reason women file for divorce most of the time is so that they start getting child support. He does not have to pay anything if no one files. A win-win situation for him if you do not. I would file in a heartbeat and kick his ass out.

Well, he agreed to stay for my surgery which is not even determined as of yet (the date).  I cant walk, I am primarily immobile.  I can walk a few feet to my car, but I cant stand in place or anything so I cant walk our dog while the kids are in school, and the dog is special needs but my heart...

Its of course not easy to know that every time he is outside he is on the phone with her or any of that but I have to just ignore him and treat him as a well paying roommate.  If I kick him out then the money either goes to helping her pay all of her bills, and I get ONLY support $$ or he has to get an apartment and try to pay for two houses.

If I let him stay here, his check is auto deposit and I pay all the bills right from the account every week and I don't have to worry about $$ for the moment.

First of all, I'm so sorry your going through this. My husband left me less than 2 weeks after my surgery. I don't have any answers about why he did it, all I know is now I realize I'm better off. Not to say that it's easy, it isn't. All I can think of is he thought I'd always be fat and now the thought of me not being fat maybe I'd cheat or leave him and he wanted to do it first? Not sure. Keep on track and take care of yourself the best you can and don't be ashamed to ask for help if you have friends or family that can! This is about him and you need to focus on you, easier said than done I know.  Good luck to you, I'll be praying for you.

Thank you for the prayers!! I really do need prayers so much right now.  I need prayers for peace, and guidance and patience in parenting because I have all teenage boys 17,17, and 14.  Its a very chaotic household and more so now that they are feeling the pain of the divorce.

Thank you so much for your encouragement sometimes its even minute by minute and not day by day...just doing my best to survive.

Sorry that you are going through so much.

Being that you have mentioned that you have been immobile for several years, what role did you play in the household.  I mean did the boys and your husband do the cooking, cleaning, washing, errands, and also look after you?

No doubt that you qualify for disability and maybe someone to assist you with self-care.  If your boys truly have issues as well they may qualify for services.

All Best,

Layla