Need Encouragement

Not trying to be a sob story here, just losing sight of any light at the end of the tunnel.  For the past 7 years I have been primarily immobile and home bound and as of Thanksgiving (a few weeks before that) I have given up salt, most sugary foods, I don't drink soda, no caffeine, and no junk foods or junk carbs.  I also was working on portion control and not eating any meals after 5 pm.

My last weigh in was August 2014, I just weighed in expecting to be down quite a bit as I saw physical changes that were encouraging.  However, I was told I was up 27 pounds and I am just in disbelief.  I'm not lying to myself and the only thing I could think of was that I gained a good amount since august and have recently started coming down but then I feel like I am just making excuses.

Add to the fact my favorite aunt just died, and the depression is just awful.  My doctor had spoken to me (intake surgeon) years ago when I started all of this ( I have stopped and started many times) that a safe weight for surgery would be 400 pounds. Now I am 528, how the hell can I lose 128 pounds to get to surgery? I cant take any meds due to previously having a thyroidectomy so I cant get help on that end. Im  just losing hope and confidence in my ability to succeed at this point.

I was so excited to weigh in after months of hard work and thinking I was seeing results that when I did weigh in the shock was unbelievable.  I barely made it through the rest of the appointment because my brain was stuck on the #s.

I said to my mom that I am too tired to fight anymore and I should just let go and be with my aunt.  There are so many people on the show 600 pound life and they say they live maybe 5 years but I am on year 7 so maybe I'm just done, I don't know.  Sad doesn't begin to say how I feel and I'm trying not to give up on life, and on myself but I am out of hope and options.

My first suggestion is to start seeing a therapist if you aren't already. It's hard to work on our physical body when our mind is full of depression and feeling hopeless. Maybe try setting a small goal. Don't look at the whole 128 pounds right now. Take it 20 lbs at a time. Setting small goals and reaching them will also help you mentally. It will show you that you CAN do it and give you some motivation to keep trying. Do you exercise at all? Any movement is better than none. It really sounds like you are doing well with your food. Keep it up. If you're not keeping a food journal, I would suggest starting one. You're reaching out and that's the first step.

I'm so sorry about your aunt. She's not ready for you to go be with her yet. Try to imagine what she would say to you. What words of encouragement would she have for you.

You can do this!

Nichole

Thank you for your kind words, you are bringing me to tears.  I know she would want me to kick butt.  I'm sad too that she didn't get to see me have a life...its so hard.  I am primarily immobile so exercise is extremely difficult.  I do arm exercises mostly and stretching when I can, but I cant stand as I have a back injury. 

Small goals is a great idea, and although I hate food journaling I know that I need to go back to it so I can "see" what I am doing. I usually lose when I food journal.  As for a therapist I have had the same one for 4 years or so and she is great, I will talk to her later today. :)  Thanks again for the encouragement..its hard to feel alone.

Please do not give up. Do you weigh and measure your portions and track it somewhere like myfitnesspal? Have you tried replacing food with protein shakes? Wal Mart has economical powder that I like. Maybe 3 shakes and one meal a day?

I know pre-op it was easier for me to avoid food and drink shakes when I needed to lose.

The issue often because I rely on someone else to get my meals is that I don't get enough food.  I might have some days that I have one meal and then I am really hungry and eat more than I would have, or the meal is later than I wanted it.  After going to the last appointment with me I think my husband is finally getting that we have to cook ahead and plan meals so that there are things I can just grab and reheat.
Snacks are great because we get the snacks made for kids lunches with apple slices or carrots and they are perfect.  I do atkins shakes if its too late and I would rather not do a meal but I don't want to skip food and do all shakes or primarily shakes because the real world is always going to be there and I have to learn how to handle it or the surgery....if I get that far...wouldn't be successful in the long run.  What powder do you use at Walmart? What are the carbs/sugar levels?

I know how depressed you are.  I have been there!  I tried to have the surgery back when I toppled the scale right at 500.  The doctor told me he wanted to see me lose 50 lbs.  I struggled but I did lose the 50.....but my insurance would not pay and I could not afford the surgery.  Over the years I tried and tried to get the surgery.  My dieting was like riding a roller coaster with all the ups and downs.  I developed all the health problems that went along with my weight, but the depression was the worst.  This past year at 61 years old and 396 lbs....I finally got the surgery.  What I am trying to tell you is not to give up....it is not impossible!!!  Stay determined!!  Do it for yourself and no one else!  When it is the right time.....everything will fall into place for you and you will have no regrets!!  The number one thing is to get up and move....even if it is to walk to the end of your drive and back.  I know how hard it is.....everything on me hurt.  The one thing that kept me going was I held down a job and I had to work, if not I probably would never have left my house.  Any movement is better than nothing.  Set little goals on your food and movement.  Slowly add to your goals......you can do it and we are here for you!  Praying for the best for you!

Its good to know someone in "my shoes" made it successfully.  And I really appreciate the prayer the most...its hard for me to ask God for help for myself every day...so I appreciate someone speaking up for me. Thank you :)

Not looking forward to weighing in again on the 20th but if anyone dares to give me chocolates for Vday then my kids can fight over them because I am so not throwing those on my hips!!

thank you for the encouragement! :)

Please don't give up, losing that amount of weight sounds like it's impossible, but it isn't. It's gonna take a lot of work but you're working towards  a better life & this is so worth it. Concentrating on what you can't do makes it feel that this won't work, that you won't lose the weight but you can. 

Definitely see a therapist, you're going thru some major life changes & talking it out will help you, depression is awful, please get help., seek support. We only have 1 shot at this life, please don't give up on it yet. Wishing you the best.

My poor therapist is going to get an earful tomorrow. UGH But, maybe it will take the elephant off of my chest that I have felt since she died, I have felt sick to my stomach and have had shortness of breath like I'm going to have a panic attack.  Its been rough with my children taking it hard too.

Thank you for your advice, I appreciate it. :)

I just wanted to chime in to say that I'm rooting for you. 

I've been setting mini 10 pound goals in MyFitnessPal and that seems to help break it down a little but it's hard to be stay at it for the long haul. I hope you have a good support system. I would also see if the doctor might be willing to do just the first part of the DS so you can get started with weight loss before he does the second half.