Absolutely Mortified

I haven't been around much lately, some lurking but after a meeting today I didn't know where else to turn that people would honest-tol-God understand.

Background for those of you who have no clue who I am - I applied for WLS in my home town in March of 2010, the program was brand new and according to them, my BMI was too high.  They weren't accepting patients over BMI 48.  I was later referred out of province (yep, I'm a Canuck), attended program for almost a year and was "discharge back to my family physician" because I had problems paying out of pocket to travel (roughly $800-$1000 each trip) for as often as they wanted me to go (every 3 months).  So now I'm in limbo waiting for the home town program to broaden criteria for me.  HW was 361, CW is about 337.

So today I was asked into a meeting as soon as I started my shift, among other "concerns" I was advised that staff are complaining about body odor, some are refusing to work with me as a result, that people don't even want to be in the same room as me.  THEN the one manager (there were 2) says to me, "can I be honest?", I said ok.  "I can smell urine".  I said, "Wow, ok" and as I was trying to process this he then said, "and it didn't smell like that before you came in the room".  This man in particular has a lengthy history of bullying me in the work place but any time I tried to do anything, his retaliation has been worse.  I did manage to say in a calm manner, "That last comment was uncalled for, you made your point".  I told them I would go home, shower and change then return to work.  They hinted that I didn't have to come back to my shift if it was difficult, but all I could think was f*#@ you.  So I was gone an hour but returned to finish my shift.

My request is this.....what do I do???  I mean physicially.  I thought I had a handle on my hygiene.  The couple of women in my office I spoke to said they have never had concerns with any funky smells from me but I want to crawl into a hole and die.  When do you ask for help?  WHO do you ask for help?  I've managed to keep my tears to a minimum since coming back to the office but I"m now so paranoid.

Advice?

I have no words of wisdom, but am so sorry you are having a tough time. Can you talk to your doctor about the body odor? Could it be your breath? Maybe you have a decaying tooth??? Can you ask your family members who will tell it to you straight???

HERE is an interesting article with suggestions and HERE is another. Maybe it is something you are eating?

I noticed that your screen name said you are crazy about cats.  Do you have cats?  Perhaps a male might be spraying your clothes?  Male cats will spray whether they are neutered or not.  Or even a female that uses your clothes as a litter box?  If you are around cats all the time you may not even notice the odor.  If you are afraid of body odor due to sweating (we naturally sweat where body skin overlaps - well at least I do - lol ) you might try body freshening wipes several times a day to reduce any smell from that.  There are different products out there just do a search for body freshening wipes.  Many are advertised for post-workout use so should work nicely for you.  Also one last suggestion - do you where any fragrance?  I normally don't due to the fact that once I put it on my skin it changes and most of the time not in a good way.  I will occasionally spray some on my clothes just so it doesn't touch my skin.  Hope these suggestions help and good luck with that manager - I know how it feels to have one that picks on you for no "real" justified reason.

I wondered about the cats, too. I have students who come to school smelling like cat pee. I am amazed that they cannot smell it, but they don't.

If the manager is bullying you, can you go to your HR department & complain?, make sure to document when & where he does this. I'm not sure of the male cats marking their territory in your house or on your clothes they have a device that shows where the cats might be urinating it's in the pet stores it's a light wand that shows up a different color under the light wand. You might have to do a lot of cleaning,  just spray some febreeze in the meantime, that might get rid of any odors on your clothes/furniture, but if it's bad B.O you might have to go to a dr for that, otc deodorants might not do the trick. Good luck!

I'm a little suspicious you are being unjustly accused and harassed, but on the chance there is some merit to what was said, can you ask a close friend or loved one to be brutally honest with you? Ask them if they ever smell anything, and do they now. If in fact there is a problem, there are things to help.

I bought a bidet that takes the place of my toilet seat and get a little bath down there instead of wiping every time I go. There are all sorts from economy models for fairly cheap, to deluxo models that heat the water, heat the seat, and dry you with warm air. I'm sorry you're dealing with this. No one should be humiliated at work.

There may be one other issue that maybe you have not noticed, or maybe you have.  Bladder leakage.

Obese and even many not obese, people have a history of urine slowly leaking from the bladder onto your panties.  This smell stays and gets stronger thru the day.  I use ultra thin pads every day even tho I am thru menopause because of leakage.

I also agree that perhaps they are smelling cat urine that you may not notice because you are used to it by living with cats.  It is NOT your fault if that is the case, but you can take care of it using the ideas posted here.

I would try : using ultra thin pads, changing every 3-4 hours as needed - keeping packets of feminine wipes in your purse and using thru the day and cleaning for cat urine.

Unfortunately, even tho it hurts badly, if something happens often enough to affect co-workers, having a meeting (should be private!) is the only way to make the affected person aware of it.  But your idiot manager - that's a whole other case.

ive actually heard ofseveral morbidly obese who have faced these accusations. I wonder if its not just retaliatory. *I* can smell myself when it comes to body odors, id assume most people can? 

I cant imagine how mortified you are. I want to come run and give you a big old hug. 

For now, try carrying those female freshining wipes if you think it could be an issue. 

I had another thought about the diabetes - i dont know that much but i know they train dogs to smell/sense when someone's blood sugar is off so there is at least some odor admitted. Maybe that could be what they smell? Just a random guess though. 

I just wanted to say how sorry I am that you experienced this.  I know that I would feel very humiliated, too.  I wish I could give you a great big hug.

Is there any possibility that you could start privately looking for another place of employment? 

I have had this problem before. I think it's related to sweating.  When I was in high school gym class, and I would sweat A LOT, girls in the locker room would comment that something "smelled like cat pee." I was over 300 pounds then. 

I only smell like that when I sweat out of my clothes, like aerobic work out sweating. No one has brought it up to me as an adult, but I can sometimes smell it if I get super sweaty. 

My recommendation would be to shower every day. Wear a thin pad as mentioned above. Wear garments only once. Drink lots of water. Make sure the cat's litterbox is not in the same room as your clothing or coats. Don't use a "natural" deodorant. Those don't seem to help me much in the smell department. 

Keep your head held high. If you plan to stay at this job, focus on those that are nice to you and keep them as allies.