I hate when people say..."I know how you feel." No you don't!

It really bothers me when someone says, "I know how you feel."  Unless you have weighed 373 lbs before then you have no idea.  A co-worker of mine weighs a whopping 240 lbs.  *Sarcastic* And she keeps talking about how she can sympathize with me and blah blah blah.  I weigh 234 lbs now and i feel fantastic.  Better than i have ever felt before.  And then there is this chick who is whining because she is in a size 22 and she's "so fat".  It drives me crazy.  I also really hate when someone who has been obese for two seconds tried to compare their weight loss journey to mine.  HELL NO!  You were skinny then had a baby and now can't get the weight off so lets go have WLS!!!  It's that mentality that ****** me off.  I can't post this in a regular forum because I know for sure that I will be attacked but i needed to get this off my chest and thought that this forum would be the appropriate one. 

It's not that I don't sympathize with others...I do.  Who am i to say that my journey is harder than theirs? But it's when people try and tell me that they know how i feel....or when those people try to give me advice...that's when i get pissed!  I have no idea what it is like to be a 500 lb person.  So I would never try to give advice or criticize someone of that weight. I would provided support but not try to tell them how to live their life.  Everyone must live their own life and must complete their own journey but I have just had it today.  I think that entirely too many people preach that their way is the best way.  I'm over it today. 

A friend of mine who was in a size 18 at her highest tried to tell me that I should of lost weight the "right" way instead of doing surgery.  She was lecturing me about how all i needed to do was eat less calories and exercise...SERIOUSLY?????  I could have knocked her out.  i said to her, "Do you think that I'm an idiot? Then shut your mouth if you have nothing intelligent to say."  She got mad but I don't care.  End of rant.  I need some tylenol.  :)

Ugh! I know exactly what you mean! I've got a coworker who lost 15 pounds. FIFTEEN. She keeps talking about how much better she feels now that she lost all that weight and how she knows what I'm going through. I know she's just trying to connect with me and be supportive or whatever, but I've been kind of *****y since surgery and I just can't take it! Another (not fat!) coworker keeps asking for a copy of my diet that the doctor gave me. I explained what goes into the diet and she's like "Yup! That's the diet for me!" 

Another coworker of mine lost 25 lbs recently and now she has been preaching to me about what I should eat.  I got nasty with her about it.  I know that she thinks she is just helping but it's so annoying.   My best friend weighs about 400lbs and she is only 5'2".  I cannot even imagine how she feels.  I was 373 lbs and 5'10".  I give her much support as she wants to get the weight off but has no health insurance for surgery.  Another one of our friends was trying to teach her about what she needs to do to lose weight. She weighs about 200lbs and is about 5'6".  She is getting ready to have WLS.   I have told her not to preach to us.  She keeps saying she knows exactly how we feel.   I think not! My friend who weighs 200 probably feels awful... I get it.  But I feel like she needs to stop comparing herself to us.  There is no comparison.  

Yes! I am pretty sure your 200 lb friend doesn't know EXACTLY how you feel. As you said, I'm sure her unique journey is difficult in its own right, but it's just that: UNIQUE! I know we try to make friends by finding common ground, but it is pretty insulting when people compare losing 25 pounds to having major life-altering surgery and making huge lifestyle changes in order to not die and be able to make it up stairs and across the mall without stopping or being in massive amounts of pain. 

 

I hope your friend eventually is able to get the help she needs. It's an awful situation! I had a friend who, for a long time, was too ill to work, but couldn't get better without insurance. It's a damned if you do, damned if you don't thing; can't get better without working, can't wor****il you get better. Additionally, from my own experience, that 400 pound mark was so psychologically devastating for me, and I am also 5'10" so 400 lbs on me is like 320 lbs on someone your friend's height. I'm glad you're helping your best friend keep the preachy friend off her back. If the preachy friend knew how your best friend felt, I imagine she would change her tune DRASTICALLY!

very well put.  Our journeys are all so different.  As for me, I would love to lose another 60-70 lbs but even if I just got to 199 lbs I would be happy as hell. I would be comfortable in a size 14-16.  That's a hell of a lot better than when I was in a 32!!  

That size 32 feels so final, doesn't it? Something about size 32 is like "Welp. Nowhere to go after this." That was when I knew I had to get serious about getting my surgery when more than half of my size 32 stuff didn't fit anymore. I'm still working my way into a lot of 32s. Tops, mostly. The size 32 shirts are harder to fit into because of my ... charming personality... but I'm still getting there.

 

You have made AMAZING progress in the 10 months since you had your surgery. I hope I'm half as successful as you have been. 

I felt like I had no where to go besides down from my 32.  The only place that I could buy clothes at was Catherine's.  Even Lane Bryant only went up to a 28.  I'm telling u that I had to lose 50 lbs before I went down a size.  I've lost 142 lbs in the last 10 months.  10 of that was pre op during the 2 week preop diet.  I now weigh 231 (lost 2 lbs over Christmas, weighed today) and I wear a snug 20 and a comfy 22.  Shirts are now a snug XL and a comfy 2XL.  I'll tell u that u will feel like you are losing weight but you are not going down in sizes very fast.  That was normal for me.  I had to lose like 75 lbs just to drop 2 sizes but now there's about 15 lbs in between sizes!  You'll get there!  Congrats!!!!

Some people are raging d bags, aren't they? I try hard not to be a witless ass and blurt stuff out. I especially try to never say I know how someone else feels because I don't. My stepdad, a known blurter and insensitive oaf, said to me something that hurt so muvh it took my breath away. I am fairly peppery, but for it just stunned me. He said that I looked so goid he didn't recognize me and thought my husband was having an affair. He managed to insult both of us in one fell swoop. The worst part is he thought he was being complimentary. Fuckhead. Keep on, Rainbow!

You are not wrong in how you feel.I had lunch with a friend this past week.She was about 60lbs overweight in the summer and she all of a sudden lost  almost all of the weight.She said at lunch how lucky I was to have the surgery and how hard she has worked to lose the weight.Well I know she took meds to lose.I am lucky to have had the surgery but I worked my a$$ of to have the insurance pay for it.And I have been going to a therapist also to change my outlook on myself and why I do the things that I do.I just hate when life is a competition with other people.Losing weight is hard regardless of the size.Sometimes the person who only has to lose 20lbs is more insecure than the person who has to lose 100lbs. I think sometimes we want people to just shut up already.I hate when people think that this choice was easier than any diet.This is a total life change.Now I need some tylenol.

I had surgery a little over 5 years ago and have been at goal for 4. I will say I do not understand anyone else's journey nor do they understand mine. I will say now I relate more to the average person who freaks out over needing to lose 5 pounds than someone who needs to lose 200. I am that person now. Time changes everything.

I did a lot of passive aggressive nodding and smiling when people tried to give me advice. I am a smart ass and they soon learned I was not listening without having to say anything. No point in trying to argue with ********

You are doing an excellent job. Hang in there. The mental part is the toughest!!