Long time lurker, first time poster

Hey guys, I hope it's okay if I post on this board, I didn't have wls but I do have a bmi over 50 and I find a lot of inspiration and motivation from this board so I was hoping it would be alright if I chimed in with my own struggles.  I'm 27 female and a little over a month ago I started exercising and eating healthy, I started at 363lbs and am now down to 338, but I'm really struggling emotionally.  I don't feel the need to go off the diet or anything like that, but since I totally cut away the only method that I had ever used to cope with difficult times and I haven't found another coping method that works as well I'm having a tough time. It's funny before I started losing weight I didn't think I looked good but I guess I never paid much attention to my looks unless it was thrown in my face ie, seeing a picture of myself or walking by a mirror and then it would make me feel soo bad, but now that I am losing I look at myself so much more to look for changes and I see flaws I didn't see when I was at my starting weight.  I'm happy that I lose almost 30lbs in a month but it doesn't feel like enough, I have all these fantasies in my head of losing 100lbs in 4 months and losing 200lbs in less than a year, and I know realistically and logically it's probably not possibly, but I also live alone and don't have a big social life due to anxiety and depression issues, so I feel like all my focus is on weight and loss and exercise, and so when I feel I've been working hard and I'm not seeing what I want to see it makes me soo upset.  I know I'm different than most here because I didn't have the surgery, but I see soo many people having the same emotional and mental issues/struggles and I was just wondering if you guys could help me, give me advise, give me stories, give me anything I'll take it;  I always feel better when I can read about other people who have overcome these struggles or learned to cope with them and any help would always be appreciated. Thanks

Hello and welcome. The mental aspect of weight loss is definitely the hardest. As the 12step programs say, take it one day at a time.
One thing that helped me when I got pissy about wanting to eat crap was telling myself that the only thing I was being deprived of was ill health.
Anxiety and depression are tough. Are you in a position to see a therapist? Give yourself the gift of good mental health too.
As far as how long it will take to lose the weight: as we so often say, it's a marathon, not a sprint. You just have to keep on keeping on. The mental endurance and fortitude can be tough but you can do it!
Glad you posted. Take care.

thank you soo much Rosy.  I didn't think it would actually help more for someone to reply directly to you, then just skimming the boards, but your reply gives me hope.  It's funny I've always struggle and been on diet after diet, but when I started this new lifestyle I find that as far as food goes it's been a piece of cake, so to speak lol, and I'm exercising which I never really did before.  It's just I guess the hard part of never being a thin, healthy teen or adult, so I crave that life soo much that I'm focusing on the numbers on the scale, rather then the fact of how I can now walk around at work without getting out of breath, and how my back pain has mostly gone away, and how I just feel stronger from exercising.  I decided today that I'm not going to weigh myself until my clothes get super baggy on me, then that will make me feel great even if the number isn't as low as I would like it to be on the scale.  I think they should ban scales lol.  Anyways, the point of this whole thing is to say thank you, it means more then you know :)

Youve done better in a month wtthout WLS than some people do with it! You should be giving yourself a big pat on the back. 

 

I lost 85 lbs on my own before surgery. I barely went down a clothes size, but I focused on fitness and a month before my WLS, I completed my first 5K. That was way more satisfying and fullfilling than any number on the scale could ever be -and even post op, my fitness goals/accomplishments far outweigh any weight loss. 

 

The emotional struggles are by far the most difficult. In theory, it should be easy to eat less, eat healthy and move more but there is something wrong in our brains. For me, and a lot of us, food is comfort, and it is the primary and if not, sole coping mechanism for life. I thought I had fixed that or gotten away from that, but 2 years after surgery, I realized the problems were still there- took a very long time for me to see that though. So Im basically starting at square 1 right now in dealing with it so I can't  give you much advice except start finding and developing other ways to cope. That will be the #1 key to long term weight loss/maintenance success. 

I hope you will make yourself at home here - regardless of WLS status/type - you are very welcome to post and comment here. We are all in this together. 

Thanks! I think this kind of board/support is def. going to help me make it this time :)

this forum is here to help people , if you decide to get surgery in the future is your business

 tracking you food on a program like myfitnesspal.com helps

 30 lbs in a month is a huge amount  ,do not get frustrated , if you don't repeat it as long as you are losing your doing great

 I average  7 lbs a month and my nut is thrilled , some month I lose 14 lb others 1 lb

I have lost 65 lbs since Halloween, the day I seen the surgeon and joined my gym 

 some people work out in the gym when they are stressed and feel they need to eat   ,, it may help you

 a good therapist trained to help eating disorders can be very helpful, they can teach you other ways to deal  with stress

 

welcome to the heavy weight forum , we are heavy weight nice people  

Hi there! It's great to see you posting! Welcome! You have done great so far... 30 pounds in a month is awesome. Just like the other posters said, a lot of what we struggle with comes from our head. I cried a bit for a few meals about a month or so after my surgery because I really missed food so much. My comfort food like bread and potato chips. It was my best friend and I relied on it for every emotion I experienced. But I got over it and after my food funeral, I started to try and deal with my feelings rather than eat them. I see a therapist and am feeling good for now. It's a long road that I will never be done with. I hope you keep going and try hard to deal with the emotional aspect of overeating. Keep us updated!

You've done well so far, although I'd caution you about the risks associated with such rapid weight loss when unsupported by surgery.

I've been waiting for my surgery for a little over a year now, and have been working on losing weight slowly & sustainably for about 17 months now - I'm down about 80 lbs, and it's been almost effortless. Here's how I've done it, maybe it might help:

1) get something like MyFitnessPal - you can use it on a smart phone or PC. Use it to set realistic, healthy & SUSTAINABLE goals for yourself. Start small - I didn't go straight from overeating to my current 1500 cal per day. Record everything you eat, no matter how small, and any drink over 5 cal. Record your water intake too.

2) exercise SUSTAINABLY. If you hate the gym, don't go. I started this process because my osteoarthritis got so bad I was wheelchair shopping on my Xmas vacation. I said 'no friggin' way!' and made changes right away. I went to physio, got my knees stronger & started to walk. I walk almost every day for at least 20 min and often for an hour. I've now bought a bike and regularly cycle 10km at a time, a few times a week, weather permitting.

3) reduce the amount of restaurant & processed food you eat, but do it SUSTAINABLY. Yeah, I still ate at McD when this started, now I try to limit myself to eating out anywhere twice a week (including breakfast), and usually order the most simply cooked thing I can find. If you don't know how to cook, learn.

4) change your diet to a healthy one with focus on lean protein, vegies, fruits & whole-grains, but again, do it gradually & SUSTAINABLY (are you sensing a theme?)

5) tackle your food demons. No one gets here without having an unhealthy relationship with food in some way. Get therapy if you can. If you can't afford it, at least get the books by Susan Albers on mindful eating & food rewards. If you suffer from depression too, get David Burns' "feeling good" (he basically invented cognitive behavioural therapy).

6) don't practice restrictive diets that result in deprivation feelings. They're not sustainable.

7) read the blogs by Dr Yoni Freedhoff & Dr Arya Sharma. Both are obesity medicine specialists and have a ton of info to share. The latter is more scholarly with links to more research abstracts & the like.

Above all else, everything you do MUST BE SUSTAINABLE. If you can't look at what you're doing and say "yes, I could do this forever", then it's not going to stick. Losing weight is easy (ok, easyish), it's keeping it off that can be the real challenge, right? If we haven't done it ourselves, we all know someone who has lost hundreds of pounds over the years and regained it all, and then some, back. In my uneducated opinion, this happens either because the interventions weren't sustainable or the underlying 'food demons' weren't dealt with.

And do consider surgery. I look at what I'm doing now and I say 'yes, I could do this forever' - the reason I'm wanting surgery is because (a) without the surgery's aid I don't think I could lose it fast enough to save my knees (I'm hoping to postpone knee replacement) and (b) the statistics favour it as a successful way to lose weight & keep it off (success being defined as keeping it off 5 years).