Not good enough

So I'm still on the road to be approved for surgery, next appointment with bariatric clinic is in June.  Saw my GP today, got yet another lecture on how I have to try harder to manage my chronic illnesses.  I have often tried to explain to professionals that being me isn't easy.  Somehow in the course of the day I have to take morning med, evening meds, vitamins, and insulin every time I eat plus a dose at night.  I work in a job where I am often eating on the go so it is easy to forget to take insulin.  Once upon a time, my rule of thumb was to worry about the deadliest of my illnesses (blood clots and depression) because if I forget about my diabetes, I can live with amputations, blindness or kidney failure because I'd at least be alive.  I am SO tired of being reminded that my best isn't good enough.  I don't mean to have the attitude that my medical burden will be less if you give me the damn surgery but today, that's how I feel.

Does anyone have suggestions for me on how to manage all my medication?  I will gladly take any advice you have to offer.  I'm really glad I see my therapist on Friday!

Ive never had to deal with insulin so I dont know how it works, but I hope someone can give you some advice about that. 

I take a lot of different meds right now (i have a damn pharmacy...ugh) I have a weekly pill container that gets filled every sunday. I get a couple bottles of propel water (since I like it) and I leave my pill container on my dresser with my water and before I walk out of my room, i take my pills. When I get home and walk back in my room, i take the final dose. 

Even once you have the surgery, it will take so much planning for food and fluids that you will have to find a way to take those few minutes to yourself...I know it's hard when we are always on the go, but there has to be a way for you to do it. You really really want your diabetes to be under control when it comes time for surgery - the research i did showed that is one of the highest factors for post op complications. Maybe that could motivate you? I know you are struggling with finding that fire., and I wish there was some way for me to give it to you, but it will have to come from deep inside. I know managing depression is one step of that because as im coming out of a major depressive episode myself, I KNOW how it can suck the life out of you. 

At the end of the day, your best HAS to be good enough - just take a few minutes and evaluate if there is some system you can set up to make it easier for you and help you improve. Stop to love youself too once in a while - I know you are struggling but you are here, and you aren't giving up so you deserve to hug yourself :)

Thanks Alison.  I know I have to get a plan together and stick to it.  I think it's just so frustrating that I had it together this time last year. 

Deep breath.  In.  Out.  I will start by cooking chicken (later) in the morning, it's almost 1 am here.  On a positive note, I wore my fitbit today.  It had been MIA, I thought my younger kitty had absconded with it (he has done it twice before).  Turns out, it was on my dresser where it always was, just hidden under a pile of stuff.  Oops.

I will be eternally grateful for the love and support of this board.  Thank you all so much.

Timers on your phone? Lists? Sticky notes???

I don't take any medications, so I know I am really of no help. I know you can figure out something. You have a lot of living left to do and need to be healthy to enjoy it. The best is yet to come!!!!!!

Hang in there!!

I am so sorry you are struggling with this. My husband has been a diabetic for 10 years. He is in serious denial and we have wound up many times in the ER because he has "forgotten" to take his meds while still drinking super-sized pop he gets in the gas station on the way to work;  a 40 minute commute. . The last time was a month ago and I tried something different. Instead of it just being he and I sitting in the ER, I called a few of his friends who called a few more and by the time we got to the ER we had 12 people there praying for him and at least another 10 texting him to ask what happened. LOL. He was so embarrassed. He realized after about  20 people gently asked him how he could forget to take his life-saving meds, he had to be more responsible. Something clicked and he is working out and has changed his diet. This is a first for him. I am very proud of him. He knows himself, so he got a personal trainer who keeps him accountable.

I took all his meds and put them in a clear plastic shoe box front and center in the fridge.Everytime he opens the fridge (a lot) he sees them.  He put a timer on his phone to remind him to take his insulin and meds. He has a pill container that he fills every Sunday night with all his pills for the week. He has a separate container for his mid-day pills that he keeps in his lunch box. He fills that as well weekly.  

You have to make a decision about taking the bull by the horns regarding the meds, so to speak. . It will only work after you do that. I totally understand how you feel about things. I am in denial right now about what I need to do to lose the last 65 lbs of my fat. I am not working the program and I am in a bad rut that is playing with my head. I also recall the pain and heartbreak of waiting for the insurance to approve the WLS. It sucked big time. I gained 75 more pounds waiting for surgery for years. 

All I can say is, "don't give up my friend". 

Do not accept a life of amputations and kidney failure. The mind and words are powerful. Refuse to accept that road. I know you are tired but do not let the enemy win. You are the daughter of the King. And He has great plans for you.

Hugs,

Sharon

there are some apps for smart phones that remind you to take pills or shots,and untreated diabetes can kill you

 i suggest you see a therapist if you can't stay on you drugs now how will you stay on plan after your surgery

I will check out the app store, thank you for the suggestion.

It doesnt end after surgery either... the medication/vitamins just change. IMO You have to figure out what works for you so when you do get to have surgery you will be able to balance the surgery needs as well as the other medical needs you have. I know its not easy. My vitamin schedule and water intake, protein  tracking. etc. does not end after surgery. Myfitnesspal. com etc. Phone alarms or reminders are the best things for me as I take vitamins 6 times a day. 

Maybe show them your schedule of what you have been trying to be successful and they will see you are really trying.  There are plenty of vitamin holders/pill holders that help people with what you need each week, you just have to find what will work with you to work it all in. After surgery you will be doing that along with "did I get enough protein in today" honestly it never ends. :-( Sorry to be a downer, just trying to be realistic. Hang in there. Hopefully the insulin will reduce or go away completely after surgery!

JJ

It doesn't end, but it does get easier after surgery. When we are healthier and thinner, dealing with everyday life does get easier. Eating, taking supplements, drinking our water, getting into a good routine does get easier as time goes by.

Right now at 4.5 years out, I pretty much run on autopilot and do not have to "think" anymore about everyday habits I need to do to stay healthy. It has definitely gotten easier.