Vent - I'm taking a break for a while

From all forums on OH except this one.  

I just want to say how I love the support that goes on in this forum and I appreciate it so much.  I think the other forums I go to have actually begun to discourage and confuse me.  I am new to WLS and so no one thinks I know anything simply because I am so new.  I understand those who have been there and done that do have experiences and valuable insight into WLS and maintenance... but does that mean that they are the be all, end all expert of my weight loss journey and my plan?  Is their way the only right way to lose weight?  Does it mean that if I don't follow exactly what they tell me to do, that I am cursed to never get to goal or to gain all my weight back because I didn't follow the plan that was set up for THEM by THEIR doctor?  These thoughts honestly worry me when I'm laying in bed at night.

I am totally ok with suggestions and tough love, even.  But to INSIST that there is no other way for people to accomplish their goals except by adhering to an extremely limiting way of eating is, excuse my lack of a better term but, absolute horse **** 

For the first few months before surgery and since then, I read the other forums all the time and commented when I could.  I loved reading all the questions and learning so much about my surgery.  I think it was information overload. I usually took what people said as gospel.  Now, I'm not so sure. I agree with a lot of what they say but its the attitude that kills me.  I just don't agree that you have to completely cut out food groups for the rest of your life to succeed at this.  Isn't that just another diet?  Isn't that why I had the surgery in the first place... because I could lose weight on diets like that but then "fall off the wagon" and gain weight again?  I see people getting pounced on because they ate a cookie or something.  They slipped up!! Don't we beat ourselves up enough over that kind of stuff?  The guilt surrounding obesity is bad enough... no, its not a good choice but we were all morbidly obese at one time (well, most of us) and we didn't get that way not eating out of control.  They of all people should understand that the surgery doesn't change who we are.  Someone ate a friggin cookie, tell them to try not to do it again and give some help for how it can be avoided in the future.  Spewing out things about how that won't help them lose weight, they are setting themselves up for failure and yelling at them about the diet they should be eating doesn't help! 

I followed what they said for awhile and I was ok with the results but now I have decided to add back some fruit.  I have some days where my carbs are higher and then I limit them the next.  This seems to be working much better for me.  I am not eating bread or chips or cookies.  I am not eating cereal or mashed potatoes but I am eating berries and nuts and melon and other things I feel like I want to be part of my eating plan.  And lately every time I go on the other forums, all I hear is negative comments and I just read an entire 6 page thread of them jumping down this guy's throat because he had a high calorie day one time. UGH, I just can't read stuff like that.  It makes me so sad.  Someone actually told him that he thinks he knows what he is talking about but he doesn't because he has only had his sleeve for a 8 months.  omg, FU%# you! How about you don't know him one freaking bit so you can keep those comments to yourself!

Whew, ok, sorry... I just read that and got so upset that I decided I wasn't going back there.  It's making me worry constantly about my food and obsess.  Who knows, maybe in a year or two I will still be fat and totally eating my words and saying that I should have listened. But right now, I feel like I need balance and support in my life and that's not what I get there.  Plus, my surgeon, nutritionist AND therapist all have told me to take a break from the forums since I come to them with all my concerns generated from the threads.  So, I am taking some time away from the overload and cutting that out.  I still love posting here though and reading everyone's posts.

Thanks for letting me vent. Hope everyone is having a great Monday!

I hate reading stuff like that too. It's good to take a break from the negativity so good for you!!!! I think adding fruit and nuts in are fine. Like you said, you're not eating cereal, cookies, bread, etc. Just keep doing what you're doing. Listen to your doc, nut, and therapist who know what is going on with you! Sending good vibes your way friend!

Thanks, Kendra.  I couldn't even finish reading the thread because it was just so upsetting how people were treating this guy.  He took it all in stride and defended his plan and his decisions but I felt so bad.  I would have been really upset if that were me.  You would have thought this guy posted that to lose weight he eats chips and ice cream and candy all day and then throws it up afterwards.  One day off plan and the world will not implode! Yeesh!

Thanks for the good vibes! Happy Monday!

I believe  that it is best to start out sticking to you doctors plan and adjust it to your own needs  and seeing how that works

 nothing crazy , and would be good to talk to your nut about any changes

But if you are losing weight and staying healthy all is good

Hi Mickey!

Thanks for the reply.  Yes, I am definitely keeping my doc and nut up to date on my eating plan. I am definitely doing my protein and water and keep my carbs controlled... I feel like that happens naturally right now because all I really have room for is a bite or two of fruit after I eat my protein! 

Thanks again for the support. Have a great day!

your welcome

I think we all get forum overload sometimes. I know I do.

If there was one plan that worked for everyone, we would all be on it, right? That is what I find amusing and infuriating by turns when I see threads about which plan is the best. What almost no one will say is that we are all different, the same things don't work for all of us, and there is a trial-and-error element to this. Sure, it would be nice if there was a set-in-stone guarantee: "Do X, don't do Y, watch the weight fall off, and be at goal in one year!"

Have a better day and take care!

This exactly!! Everyone is different and while some people can do extreme plans and make that work for the long term... I know I can't.  There is a reason that my BMI was over 50 and that didn't happen by being able to stick to a strict eating plan.  Restricting myself from food and entire food groups is a bad, bad thing for me.  It would be so much easier if we all could do the same thing but that's just not possible. 

Thanks for the reply! Hope you're having a great day too.

I hear ya. I refrain from even commenting about my plan because it grossly violates the 700-800,30-40, 60-80 gospel, but I'm paying for the program I use. Seems to be working.

I like when people post progress updates and pics. Those encourage me, but I pity anyone who is struggling and looks for advice on a forum. I no longer offer my personal experience because I get criticized too.

There, took out the symbols to satisfy the IT webmaster.