I need a serious kick in the ASSSS!!!

Im having one of those days where I just feel ...hopeless. My eating is way out of control, and I dont feel like I have the strength to get my crap together. I think a lot of it definitely is the post plastics issues I have to deal with but at the end of the day, it's a bunch of excuses. I tried to get a therapy appointment but they told me there's a 4 week wait so I dont know what to do.  I know I have the strength to do this, but I dont know where to find it right now. I guess the only good thing is I havent stopped caring - i'm still tracking my disasterous food choices. I WANT to do better, but I'm really disappointed that my cravings for sugar have returned. It's been a relatively recent return - the last 18 months, I havent had these kinds of cravings. 

I need to learn to eat right without caring about the scale. Right now, with all my swelling, I have no control over the scale. I could starve myself and gain 5 lbs over night. I could eat like a pig and even drop a lb of swelling. But, being around the 200 lb mark after surgery, and after all my expectations that I would have been closer to 180 after surgery is emotionally devastating. I never wanted to be 200 lbs again, and now, for 4 weeks, Ive been stuck around 200 lbs. I actually hit 186-187 3 weeks post plastics and at that point, my eating was good, and I was walking every day, but once i ballooned up and stayed here, it's like...why the **** should I care? 

I had started taking wellbutrin a few months ago - it never did anything, but I cant decide if I need to try something else, or just ride out this transition period. My anxiety and boredom and dating insecurities are driving the majority of my poor choices. I just refilled my anxiety meds, so I think I am going to try and start taking them regularly and see if it helps, and maybe I just need to force myself to go back to work sooner rather than later (even though i am going to have to buy bigger clothes for work because of the swelling  which is extremely hard to accept) 

Im way to far beyond the point where I can even go back to my old life and start gaining weight but im terrified that's where I'm heading. I just want to be able to resume my training to offset some of these damn calories I'm eating..but it'll be a while before that will happen so I need to cut back, but not sure if I can or what. I know I need to make some drastic changes...i just need a swift kick in the ass. There's no excuse for this BS that I'm doing. 

Im mostly just venting. I know only I have the control here, but I know you guys understand. I'm over posting this in the main forums because I'm tired of hearing the "go back to basics" spiel - if it was that easy, i'd be golden. I need a mental adjustment!

You know the change it took me to lose the weight I did was hard.  It didn't happen all at once.  I know it's silly but I look at every time I eat as an opportunity to make the right choice.  I too haven't been eating like I should or exercising. Still that doesn't mean it's over.  I really believe we can never lose unless we give up.  Don't give up.  Just keep trying.  I know your not going to either...you've been up and down and you still end up losing over all.  Stop worrying and stressing and please throw the scale away until you are healed.  I know how hard it is because I'm addicted to the scale day and night.  You know it really is the swelling if you think of it logically so just stay off the scale and don't let it mess with you.

Ive been staying off the scale for the most part but honestly, without that daily reminder, I feel free to eat whatever I want knowing I wont see the damage on the scale. Not that anything makes sense right now, but as much as the scale controls me more than Id like it to, im realizing that may have been better than I thought. Staying off it = denial -= more eating so Im not weighing as frequently but I cant just get rid of it lol. 

What I need to really go back and work on is this "all or nothing" bull **** I had it under control for a good 16 months but now, once I **** up my day, i give myself permission to keep spiraling out of control. THAT **** needs to stop asap. Now..to find the will power. 

You know miss acbbrown, you told me once that I needed to stick to my program and that's all I could control.  I was complaining about being a slow loser.  I still think about that today, because it was good advice.  I know one mistake seems to make me spiral out of control too but it isn't all or nothing.  If it was we couldn't keep trying.  I know with the sugar it's like the more I eat the more I want.  I find that if I really avoid it for about two days I'm able to break the craving.

Hmmm.....I need to take my own advice. Damn it's harder than I thought :-p   I will try though since it seems like my swelling isnt going to go away any time soon. 

Alison,

You are swollen and filled with a bunch of water. I am sure that is where the weight is. Water is heavy! Also, some anti-depressants like Wellbutrin cause weight gain and/or water retention. Talk to your doc about this.

We all know what happens to carb addicts when we eat carbs, we feen for them. The trick is cold turkey....stop eating them NOW....drink lots of water and eat your protein. You can do this. You have done this. You will do this.

You know it's a mind thing. It's mind over matter and you know what you have to do to get motivated again. Keep moving. Then even if you eat bad, you wont gain.  Work on getting back to the old ways. PLan....plan.....plan....This is the ultimate secret to winning this battle and getting back to your fighting self. Take it one day at a time, one segment of the day at a time, or one hour at a time. DO IT.

And last but not least, dont be so hard on yourself. You have gone thru so much in such a short time. You need to give yourself some time to adjust.

Screw the bad feelings and guilt. You know it's the enemy playing games with your mind.  Tomorrow is another day and another beginning. Think about all the people having WLS surgery tomorrow who are putting all their hopes and dreams into being who you have made yourself into being.

You are amazing and I am proud of you for coming here and putting it all on the line. You are in my prayers.

Hugs,

Sharon

oh honey, first of all, you cannot exer**** your way out of food!  You have to eat well in addition to the exer****s! 

All your feelings are NORMAL.  Hang in there, try meditating, staying positive.  There are no "magical" trick I can give you!  Meet with friends, talk to other plastics people, do not weight for a few weeks, trust your body, relax, enjoy life, embrace your anxiety and breathe it out of your head. 

I wish I could help you more.  You want us to kick your ass, but you need to kick your own ass and you can do it!  I know you can, you know you can!

XXX (instead of kicking your ass!!!!  lol!!!)

Karine

Everyone's been nice to you. LOL.

Stop the **** It's all excuses. You know it as well as I do because I'm full of excuses too. You called - did you MAKE an appointment for 4 weeks out? Tell them if they have a cancelation, to please contact you?

If going back to work will help, then go. Get a few pieces and make it work. If that will be just another excuse to keep eating **** then don't go.

You know what you have to do. You've done parts of it. Getting the crap food out of the house is a good start. Cooking is another one.

Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You know it's mostly swelling with probably some sugar added on, so just stop. GET BACK ON PLAN and stop it. The weight will come off. The swelling will go down. Do light exercise, don't push hard one day and then sloth off. Yoga, whatever. Just gentle movements to help the swelling. NO MORE SUGAR.

You can do this. Get it together. We're here for you. You know how to contact me if you need to chat, I can give you my phone number if you need someone to call instead of eating the twinkie ;)

I did make the appointment, and then I filed a complaint - not that it will get me anywhere, but their "mental health dept" is a ******g joke. My psychiatrist told me to go to urgent care for a psychiatric emergency and he said they would magically have quicker appointments lol. 

I really don't know what it is that I need right now to get over this - it is all a bunch of excuses but I just seem to lack the mental strength to get over the hump. 

But that being said - yesterday turned out to be  a great day, totally on track, felt great, and today is looking up. One day a time. 

Good! You made the appointment. One step at a time. Yeah, see, I'd be all worried they would commit me if I went to urgent care or something. Because I'm pretty sure I'm totally ******g crazy. LOL

I know ALL about the hump. I haven't exercised consistently in many months. I'm working on it in therapy but the bottom line is that "I don't want to" so we're letting my inner teenager throw her fit. Whatever. Therapy. Sigh.

I'm SO glad yesterday was better. Today will be better too. I KNOW YOU CAN DO THIS. You don't have a choice. Don't let yourself slide, you've come WAY too far and kicked WAY too much ass to look back now.