100lbs down but not really celebrating

(also in my blog)

 

So as you may know I've lost my first 100lbs in 4 months. That's combining the pre surgical loss of 26 pounds and the post surgical loss of 74 lbs. (and actually I've lost 105lbs as of today because I've started losing again). Most people I tell will go WOW you must be so proud/happy/excited etc.   But really I'm not. I just look at it as another number. I mean I know I've lost 100lbs and that's a huge number but then I realize looking at it that I have 168lbs to reach my goal. I suppose I should be celebrating the first 100 but it just makes it seem that much further realizing that I have over 100 more to lose. I guess I expected more of a change if I lost 100lbs. Like suddenly I wouldn't look as fat or something. Unrealistic I know because I was 452lbs. Of course I'm still going to look fat I was and am still very very fat.

 

And sometimes it's even worse because when I look in the mirror I don't see any real changes. But those around me have mentioned it and say they see a huge difference. Friends and family all say that I look great.  Now I know I've lost the weight because my clothes are falling off and I can do things easier. I even kind of jogged across the street the other day and up a hill to the transit center and didn't keel over.  But somehow the fat cells are blocking my retinas because I'm still seeing the same fat person that was in that mirror at 452lbs. Maybe that's a good thing because it keeps me on track and working harder.

 

So I'm not really celebrating although I am more optimistic that I have less to lose now but at the same time that journey still seems so long and the destination isn't even on the horizon. Somehow that blinking light at the end seems like it's moving further away, even though I know it's not.

 

And to be honest it's sometimes disheartening to go on OH in the other forums and see people who have lost the 100lbs and they are all close to goal after a year and only have 10 or 20lbs to lose. I'm happy for them but then I think about the work I put into losing the first 100 and yet there's no real tangible reward in my eyes.

 

Anyway that's just my thoughts today. Sunday is my birthday and I turn 38.  I've only 2 years left to meet my goal of being in good health and good shape by the time I'm 40.

I have to start off by saying that 100 pounds down is awesome no matter how long or little it took you, congratulations are in order for sure. I can so relate to this. I started out 406 pounds the day I walked into my surgeons office (Jan 25th 2012). I could barely make the walk just to get to his office. I had to lose 20 pounds before surgery (I was self pay) and that took me about 3 weeks (well it was really 16 pounds, but close enough, haha). So the day of my surgery I was 390. I had surgery on Feb 28, 2012. It took me close to 6 months to lose 100 pounds. So at 4 months, your a super star. I was feeling happy and not so happy at that point too because I felt that 100 pounds was a lot to lose and as much as everyone told me how much thinner I looked, I couldn't see it. I felt that it has to be true, 100 pounds down is almost a person, so you would have to notice some difference? Well I just couldn't see it. I too could walk easier, clothes were falling off of me, but I still just saw the fat version of myself and it was driving me crazy. I figured it was going to take a lot more weight for me to lose before I would notice a difference. Well as of today I have lost 160 pounds and I am noticing the difference it seems every week. You will for sure get to the point where you will notice the changes and feel good about them and yourself. I have very bad self esteem issues that I am trying to work on and it is tough, but just know that you will get to your goal weight and you will truly be happy with how you feel. My birthday is on the 14th and I am turning 37 and I feel the same way, I want to be at a healty weight before I turn 40. We are doing great and have a mini celebration even if it's just to acknowledge your success to date and all the success that will come. Your doing great and just know that. Happy Birthday too and take care.

Jen

((HUGS))

I've lost almost 200 and I STILL feel fat most days. Do you have photos? Look at my before and "now" helps because I only truly see it in photos. That may help.

It gets easier. Every day I feel more and more "normal" - whatever that is, right?

I totally understand and share your feelings but I CHOSE to celebrate. Why? Well because I told myself that it was a huge number. I convinced myself it was good. I still don't see it in my mirror. A bit in pictures but not much. And when people tell me I feel two differebt things. Number one: they must be exagerating. Number two: they want to please me, comfort me because they know I had surgery

When I lool at what is left, another 100, I feel really discouraged but I try to talk to myself and encourage me! I also have other goal than the losing weight and I never thought I would say that but I acheiived one of those goals yesterday and ir made me feel so much better than the 100 pounds mark.

So maybe try to focus on other things than the weight or the looks. I chose to focus on getting in shape. I am doin the couch to 5k challenge. It will be a long process but I know I can do it and itakes me so proud when I acheive just one step of the plan

Karine

Oh and CONGRATULATION!!!! Lolololol

Take it you deserve this! The journey might not be over I know but a big chunk of it has been acconplished!!!

I know exactly how you feel,  I felt that way myself. It seemed like such a long way to go...like eating an elephant...just keep going. I also felt uncomfortable with the praise, because I felt I was still so fat. For a while it felt like the more I lost the fatter I felt. That is 'broken headed' thinking.

Celebrate these victories. And don't get caught in the discouragement. Talk to yourself like you are your best friend. Way to go! You rock! You are amazing.....and you are. Just work on today and then today and then today. Then you will be at goal. And your head will still be a little broken, but we all get it.

Keep going...we care! ;-)

Yes, I can totally relate dear. I was 462 and on surgery day 438. I weigh 316 today and I am feeling much better, but the mind....sometimes I feel like I may never be a healthy weight. Or that maybe it will take forever since it's starting to slow down and I have like another 150 to lose....it seems so far away so I try to make it a point to focus on small losses and other types of goals. I bought this beautiful shirt and it was tight, now it fits a lil better and by Christmas it should fit perfect and may be a lil loose. That is worth celebrating to me. I focus on losing 5 pounds at a time so I don't get too overwhelmed. But, it's not easy that's for sure.

Girl,

I feel your pain.

We all started out with a bigger burden. We were not 250 lbs like many when we began this journey. Those folks look amazing after their 100 lb weight loss. BUT, we are ultimately as successful as they are. Plus we have each other.

Also we don't just stop this journey after we lose it all.....we then have to maintain. For me, that is going to present a different challenge. Truthfully, I dread that part. Losing? I got that part down to a science.

100 lbs in the time you did it is beyond amazing. Enjoy this time. I know that sounds weird, but its true. Now is the time to lose larger amounts faster because of our larger size. It takes longer as u get closer to goal. Imagine next summer.......u will be so much smaller. Don't dwell on now, look forward to what u know u will look like in 6 more months. Time flies.

You are amazing!

Sharon

Id be lying to say I didnt feel the same way - even after 200+ lbs. I still have fat days where you couldnt convince me I'm not a good year blimp. 

 

Please stop though - and celebrate. MAKE yourself do a little happy dance. Fake it till you make it - we have such an uphill battle it's really important for us to force ourselves to start thinking positive and celebrate. 100 lbs is  a huge mile stone - regardless of where you start or how far you are from goal - 100 lbs is a HUGE deal. 

 

Its okay to feel the way you do - Just pat yourself on the back when you are done :)

 

I'm soooo freaking proud of you. 

I understand too!!! I am down 70 (whi*****ludes 9 lbs lost pre surgery)  Other than loose clothing, I dont see it either!  I do feel it.. which is amazing compared to my top weight.  Look at everyone who posted here.. that is why I love this group... everyone UNDERSTANDS what it is like to be here!!!!

Congrats on your 100 lbs lost! Thats AWESOME!!