Facing are Fears. Why do regain are weight.

  How do face your worst fears. Regaining the weight you have worked so hard to lose. I lost 180 pounds and,  I am  so afraid of regaining.  I,m compulsive overeater. So Everyday is fight just to stay in control. It been a amost year and half since my surgery. But,I been able to  control my impulses to eat since my surgery. What is worst.  I start to be hungry again all the time.  From morning til night.  I want to eat all the time and It is not all emotional hunger.  I am phycally hungry.  I fill like my worst nightmare is coming true.  I been bless that Have not regained any weight yet.  But, I scared of what the future holds.   I feel like my whole life. I been fighting to lose weight. I would be happy just to be under two hundred pounds.   Since . I was a baby. Face it I was a fat baby. 
   Is it just me or do other people.  Feel hungry all the time.  I am just about emotional hunger. But,It is about  physical hunger.  The surgery help me not to be hungry for the last year. But, that is over now. .  But,My Compulsion to eat  has come back full force.In the padt. I got 390 pounds because, One day I just gave up fighting.  I just got tired.  I feel I could not  change who was born to be.  Was I born to be fat all my life. I had given up hope.   When finally decided to fight to get my surgery and to save my life.  Because. face it. I was killing myself.   I wanted to give it one last try.  I so thought this Surgery had changed so much in my life.  But, So Much is still the same.  I still hate that am fat. I still hate have to every day of my life worrrying regain the weight .  I have lost. and I am tired of being hungry and wanting to eat all the time. and So tired of worrying about what to come.  I know I should worry about the future.  Just make it one day at a time.  I read every book on compulsive overeat and binge eating.  I know what not suppose to do.  I know the rules.  I know what can eat and can,t eat.  So why do feel so hopeless when it comes to my weight. I know I should define myself by my weight.  I am more than the sum of a number on a scale.  I am a good person.  But, Sometimes Life just Sucks !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and You  want to complain about it.

 I feel like I am in a place where I'm ready to stop fighting...I wont. I will never give up. But I really want to. I'm tired. 


The one thing I have to constantly remind myself is that ....yes, I have to struggle. I will always struggle. Some of us have eating disorders, some of us are born without a limb, deaf, or blind, or have to deal with other physical/mental health issues, some people are born in countries where they know real hunger, or live in constant danger. I watch the news and see what people in the middle east are going through, africa, etc....and I just remind myself that this is my burden to bear in this life time. We ALL have something we struggle wtih - this is just ours. And then I think that i have to be fortunate for what I have and that even though I will struggle - it's part of life. 

I am a carb addict. If I stay away from simple carbs I do not feel hunger. I am satisfied. If I fill my body with protein and complex carbs I am fine physically. When I eat anything that is bad for me, I immediately feen for carbs. My mind gets inundated with constant messages to my tummy that I am starving. Thats when the trouble starts. We all knew going in that this surgery would not fix that.

I am doing great with my work-outs. I am not following thru with the diet. Last night I had a breaded pork tenderloin. It was very lightly dusted with bread crumbs, but ever since I had the carbs I have been ravenous. I know if i do not get my carb intake under control I will be in BIG trouble.

I think there is a part of me that believes i do not deserve to be thin, or that it is not safe to be thin. I either diet successfully and dont work out, or I work out and dont diet the way I should. I am underminding my success and I am realizing this as I write this. I also have a fear of reaching goal and not being able to maintain.

I was thin until I was sexually assaulted at a very young age. Incest has ruled my emotions for 50 years. I have spent many hours in therapy about this and probably will spend many more.

My heart is breaking for all of us who so deperately want to be whole and thin but cannot for some reason.

To have this surgery is very brave. This journey is not for wimps. I have to hunker down and do this right. I know I can. I know you all can. We have to take this a day at a time and not give up. We have to forget that yesterday didnt work and today try again. We cannot let our demons and bad choices derail what we have worked so hard to achieve. Today is a new chance to give it another try.

I am praying that everyone of us can make good choice today.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Sharon

I think we all go down the "what if" road of regain in our heads. I know I won't. I won't allow it. Not happening.

Are you sure it's real physical hunger? I would check your carb levels (are you logging everything still?) and also do a mental check in with yourself. IF you have a counselor, go talk to them. I see one every single week and they are a huge help to me.

I always say that I didn't get to my size because I was hungry for food. I got there because I was hungry for everything else. Shedding the fat suit is only part of my journey.

Thank you all for your understanding and support.  We all have poor me moments. Doesn,t life suck.  It nice to have people to talk to and who understand.  Sometimes, We need people to hear us.  Sometimes , We need a kick in the butt.  This Broad has always given me what I needed.  Even When I did not know I needed it.  Love you guys.

I was a serious binge eater. I started around the age of 8.  I secretly binged on food as a child to deal with my emotions.  Unfortunately, I threw up in my sleep and woke up in vomit. Yeah, I had a serious problem....for decades.

Despite all of that, I don't live in fear.  I am not overly confident either. I know that I can gain it all back.  I'm acutely aware of the possibility these days because I have been in maintenance for over 2 months, but I really need to continue to lose.  The stress and anxiety of major life changes took me off track. But instead of gaining, I maintained.  I call that  a victory. I have every intention of losing more weight. 

I decided to embrace my power.  My choices equals my power.  The fact that I have to make choices everyday is not a burden; it is powerful.  Oh, I can get tired. I have gotten tired.  I just keep reminding myself that I can't be too tired to live.  And gaining that weight back would be dying. 

Therapy has helped me with this.  Books are nice, but therapy is what has worked for me.  

I asked my grandmother, "why didn't God make ____ healthy?" (I can't remember the food, but it was something really high in fat.) My grandmother is not some super sweet tv grandmother.  Her response was simply: "Well he didn't, so stop eating so much of it."  It was kind of a 'suck it up' response.  But I got her point. 

I remind myself regularly, that there are people struggling with food choices while they are still well over 300 or 400 pounds  I used to be one of them.  So, the struggle now is from a more advantageous and powerful position. 

BTW, make sure that there is no medical reason for your constant hunger.  Talk to your primary care doctor about it- not your surgeon.

I second the recommendation to see a therapist if it is within your means. It has been a real help for me.

If you are hungry all the time and feel food compulsion, then this is likely emotionally not physically based. It can be extremely hard to tell the difference between the two and a cognitive behavioural therapist can help you develop the skills to differentiate them (There are actually cognitive body awareness skills involved here, and they are not something most people are very good at, but can be developed!).

As to dealing with the compulsion, meditation and mindfulness are a very strong weapon in that fight. You don't deal with the compulsion, you deal with the emotional driver behind the compulsion, and by working hard to identify what emotions are present, and what will soothe them outside of food.

Plus, mindfulness (also a skill) will also help you keep the weight off, because it helps you stay in the present moment, to deal with your body, your emotions, and your struggle compassionately, and always stay in touch with the best choices for you.

Best!