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Hi guys.

I'm tired.

I can say that here because I know you understand.  I have wasted the last 6 weeks.  Up and down.  Up and down.  Up and well still up.

In one month I go back to the bariatric program to show my "progress".  I'm 10 pounds heavier.  I was reading RheaRob's post on the main VSG board about listening to our bodies while stuffing my face and feeling nauseated.  I only have 2 sessions left with my counselor until 2013 and I don't see her for 2 more weeks.

I know that the sluggishness I feel is a direct result of failing to fuel my body.  I don't feel like I have the energy to do what it takes.  Fast food or processed garbage is so much easier and takes no effort.  I used to check OH boards 3 or 4 times a day.  Now it's once every couple of days.

So I'm still here.  I'm lurking. Please don't give up on me.

Kristin

Not giving up on you! Welcoming you!
However, DO NOT GIVE UP ON YOURSELF!
You know what you are doing, and you are the one that needs to do what you know you need to! This is NOT EASY TO DO! We all struggle at times, and just waiting for surgery can be sooo hard! Facing our failed attempts, and trudging on, trying harder can be exhausting!

Don't give up on yourself!

Start each day new, refreshed, and do what you know you need to do! It is never to late to keep retrying until it clicks!

Thanks Sherri.  I don't plan on giving up on myself but I just am so annoyed because I know what to do and I lost 65 pounds doing it!  New day, start again.

Hi Kristin,

We are always here. We all have good and bad days, good and bad weeks etc. We all know what you are going through.

I need a couple things to keep me on track. One thing is to stay on program everyday with my exercise no matter what and second I need to read something everyday to keep me in the game and motivated. This allows me to feel like i am still doing at least something. It is all a mind-game that I play with myself.

1) I made up my mind, that no matter what happens I will minimally always walk 2 miles a day no matter what. That has now become part of my life and is no longer part of the "program of losing". It is a small thing but it is a way to stay somewhat on program even if I am f---ing up my diet. I have less self-hate when I eat badly because I do this. Maybe for you it is walking around the block everyday or dancing to a song.

2)Early in the day, I read sections of motivating books I have previously hi-lited or make sure I read daily the book I am currently reading for motivation. It works for me. You have to figure out what works for you. An example could be rewatching something on You-Tube that is motivation that has previously touched you, or calling a friend who inspire you, or reading posts you have bookmarked on OH that inspires you, or reading a blog like EGGFACE. Only you know what motivates you.When you know what it is, make it part of your daily life.

3) Start with one goal and do it. My first goal was getting my water in no matter what. Do this for a week and then 7 days from now add another goal like getting in the 80 grams of protein. Keep building from there. Once you get your water and protein in you will be too full to eat junk. That is what I have learned.

4) Make it easy for yourself. I know I am not a person who can have a lot of choices. So I keep it simple. I make sure I have enough Premier ready made shakes in my fridge. Yes they cost a bit more than the powder, but I know I will not take the time to make a shake, so I suck up the cost because I know I will have success which is priceless.

5) Pray. It is a great mood elevator and it works. He is bigger than all of this. He can fix it and heal you. Just ask Him. I am praying for you also.

Consider going to a group therapy situation like OA. When I was in therapy I felt like I was taking baby-steps. When I was in group therapy I felt like I was taking leaps. It is easy to be empathetic about someone else's pain and plight, it much harder to forgive ourselves for the same things. Hearing others going thru the same thing can allow us to forgive ourselves and heal.

I know you know this but something I tell myself a lot is: carbs,junk food and sugar is addicitve, if you stay away from it, you will not feene for it. I know if if I stay away from sugar for 3 days my body no longer wants it. I suck down the water for those 3 days and then I am ok on day 4. This is the physical component of food addiction. Since we talked about the mental addictions I thought I would mention the real physical addiction too.

You can do this. I know you can. Please do not give up and please keep coming to this forum for support. I may need you someday.

God Bless,

Sharon

Thank you, Sharon.  You bring up some very helpful points. 

I actually ordered some Richard Simmons dvds last night after reading Doris's post.  I've always found him fun and it makes the time go fast.  I think the last 2 weeks have been extra difficult because I had lost my fitbit pedometer.  The replacement came yesterday and is waiting for me to pick up at Fed-Ex.  I'm picking it up before work.

I have to head to Costco to pick up a prescription, I think Premier Shakes will be on the list too.  Despite all my "slips" I have still managed to avoid soda.  No diet coke since April 2nd. 

The carbs and sugar are what do ,me in everytime.  Damn addiction.

You want to hear my confession?

At my consult in March of last year, I was 370. The day I started my pre op diet, I was 375. I totally and utterly failed that whole "get prepared" thing. I ate out for 3 meals a day for two weeks. I ate piles of breakfast tacos and pizza and anything else not nailed down.

I worried I would never get with it.

But you know what? I made a decision that day I started the pre op diet. I could keep screwing it up and never get to any goal weight or I could stop the crap, stop coming up with excuses and do my ****

And I did. I lost 20 pounds those two weeks and I'm now down nearly 180 pounds, 14 months post op. I weigh, today, 195.3 pounds. I think it was maybe 6th grade when I was this size?

I won't say I regret that big nasty 2 week food funeral, but I do wish I had managed to get my head on straight.

You don't have to answer this, but have you thought about counseling? My therapist is worth her weight in gold. She is probably more important than the surgery itself... xoxo

Thanks Candy.

It's just weird because I woke up at the end of March and started following what is very similar to a post op diet but in larger portions.  Quit soda, sugar and carbs cold turkey and ate protein every 3 hrs, some days I got up to 1000 calories.  I lost 40 pounds in 3 months.

Then I saw the NUT......Here in Canada they push carbs.  The program I am in for surgery is in another province and I have a NUT here and a NUT there.  The one here pushed for carbs and was suggesting half an english muffin here, a slice of toast there.  Well that was my undoing.  When I got to the NUT there, she at least gave me a list of non-starchy carbs I could use but the beast had been unleashed.

So it's trying to quit the carbs again and of course carbs lead to sugar.....  I seem to do ok when I put my mind to it through out the day but then I come home and I want to eat bad stuff.  It's not in my home so I stop on the way.  I know you're right that I just need to stop.  The problem is that I'm hard on myself when I don't.  For me it's finding the line that isn't beating myself up but it's not accepting it either.  I have a hard time with the "ooops.  It's fine.  Won't do it again".  That attitude to me, in my personal journey, breeds failure.

I have access to therapy through my employer, 12 sessions per year.  I used up 8 sessions earlier this year dealing with my best friend getting married and not being as available for support.  I have 2 left, the next is in 2 weeks.

I'm NOT a doctor so you should obviously follow their plan :)

HOWEVER, carbs are my undoing. Every. Single. Time. They bring out the snack monster. So I just avoid them as much as possible.

If you have to cash pay for therapy and you need it... do it. Yes, you can't afford it, etc etc... but can you afford not to? Same with taking a day off and going to a support meeting... you CAN do it if you choose to... hang in there! xoxo

Hi Kristin

I will admit too I failed the getting ready part too.  I was around 355 when I first met the surgeon by the time surgery came I was 369.   I thought I was going to get reprimanded but I didnt. 

Do the best you can each day.  We are our own worse critic.  


Dose your surgeon office have support group meeting is it somthing you can attend.    I find them very helpfull.  

My surgeon's office is 1300 km (800+ miles) away so support groups are a little far...

There is a bariatric support group in my province related to OH but thus far I've been unable to attend meetings because my work schedule.  Maybe I'll need to take a day off and just go.

My biggest frustration is that I had it, I was doing really well and then was told I had to introduce carbs.  I know what my body can handle but because this is part of qualifying for surgery, I'm afraid to tell them "no".