Really mad at myself

I'm angry that I'm supposed to listen to the NUT but I am responsible for the crash and burn.

I have yet to have surgery, I'm in the process of completing a bariatric program which will culminate in surgery.  The beginning of April I adopted a post-op diet, protein every 3 hrs approximately 300 cals per "meal" and a total of 1000 cals a day.  Before this, my day was easily 3000 cals/day if I didn't eat out because of course if I did, that would probably just be a meal.

It was like a switch flipped and I was so happy!  I was satisfied with my foods, never hungry, lower blood sugars, more energy, the list goes on and on.  My best friend got married mid-June and I was proud of my decisions and had no concerns about the cake I ate. Then I got back to my routine and went on. 

My initial appointment with the bariatric program was July 9th so I made sure to check in with the dietician I was working with since the fall but hadn't seen since I flipped the switch.  She was happy for me but advised that I "HAD" to incorporate carbs back into my diet and eat a minimum of 1200 cals per day otherwise you are no eating a nutritionally sound diet.  Also, I was told that the program I was entering needed to see that I could eat a balanced diet to prove that I was ready for surgery.  So I made the required changes. 

I've done alright since then up until Thursday.  My day started with a pint and a half of greek yogurt - 660 calories - in the end my day was 1800 calories.  Friday was the same.  Today was TWICE the amount of yogurt, pita pizzas (2) and I figured "screw it" and had ice cream from cold stone creamery.  Haven't documented any of it.  I am concerned that if I do I will feel more discouraged then necessary.

I want to turn my FML day into an NSV by going back to basics tomorrow.  Mostly protein, some vegetables but definitely NO starchy carbs!  When I get back on track, I can look at introducing non starchy carbs.  At my bariatric appointment, that NUT gave me a list on non starch carbs.  I should have asked at the dietician here because of course she said carbs and I saw "bread".

I think part of  what has me so mad is that both NUTs said that the point of eating carbs is so that my body doesn't feel deprived and I end up "blowing" the "diet".  I didn't see it as a diet and was perfectly happy with the intentional carbs.  I think in someway I started to doubt that my eating could "work" the way it was because the professionals were doubting it.  The truth is that I ate this way for 10 weeks before eating sugar (wedding cake) and I was able to return to my plan for 2 more weeks before I was told I "had" to change.   It doesn't help that my well meaning friends tell me "moderation" is good.  I'm sure it is, if you're able to moderate.  I'm not there yet.

So, done eating for tonight.  Tomorrow is a new day and I *will* journal.

Thanks for listening to me whine.
 

 just hop back up on that horse - you'll be fine.  I don't think a bit of pre-op learning in the form of "well, that was a stupid mistake" is a bad thing.

better to learn now how your body responds to food and calorie restrictions than after!

 I had a medical weighloss research doctor tell me just two weeks ago that our bodies dont require ANY carbs. We need about half a teaspoon of sugar in our body and that our bodies will actually make that much itself.

You have done so well, but you are a human being. Being perfect is not required...or possible.  The reason you got worse once you had your initial splurge is because you beat yourself up.  Being mean or harsh with yourself isn't motivating.  You want to push yourself, but you don't want to beat yourself up. You can succeed post-op without perfection.

You got this.  Don't let the all of the information overwhelm you. 

 Is this the same NUT who will be advising you post-op? If so, Id start looking into what kind of plan they push post-op if they really believe you need 1200 cals and carbs...if they push that say 3 months after surgery, and that's going to be their advice to you, id either look for a new NUT or new surgeon/team. 

This whole idea of a min of 1200 cal I believe came from the whole food pyramid idea - and to get in all the required servings from the food pyramid, a min of 1200 cals is required. But, i dont think that even the federal gov't agrees with that stupid pyramid and im sure science is more on your side than your NUTs at this point. If it makes you feel better - you should read up on carbs and how necessary they are. Yes, our bodies run better and we feel better with carbs, but do i *NEED* to have them to live? Not really. 

You are doing soooo well. When I read that you ate 600+ cal of ice cream and ended your day at 1800 - I was thinking you are a super start because really - that's a pretty good solid 1200 cal day when you scratch the indulgence :)   Thats a healthy approach to take - even if you eat something you wish you didnt - its better to go about your plan rather than either keep eating or depriving yourself of food. You know what works for you- keep doing it :)

A really smart and successfull weight loss person (lost 85 pounds and maintainnig for 9 years now) told me, a few days ago, that it took her 8 years to be able to reintroduce some of her beloved carbs, cause she knew she would be falling back into the gain train if she had even one bit of them. 

8 years, no starchy carbs, and she has never felt deprived, she was never sick, she never had a single problem.

I am pretty new to this, but I am a smart girl (well I like to think I am so ....hahhaha) and I have noticed that there are "natural" carbs in fruits and veggies, then WHY would it be necessary to add them in the form of pasta, bread, rice, etc...??????

And don't beat yourself up, learn and keep the great work!  You are worth every effort you put into this!

Karine.

Generally, pasta, white bread, white rice really have no nutritional value. 

But whole grain breads, - things like that are more complex carbs. They break down differently and more slowly than the carbs from fruit (which is primarily simple sugars that are burned up quickly). 

She had alsways had whole grain bread!

Just the starchy (maybe should I say white?) carbs she never had in 8 year.

All her carb were from natural sources and whole grain bread

 1000 - 1200 cals per day is what my surgeon's dietician recommends getting up to, and she's a PhD in the subject. She's also a believer in healthy carbs, and I am too. Our brains need glucose, and while it's true that our bodies can perform gluconeogenesis many people will feel mentally sluggish without dietary carbs.

I've been finding it fairly easy to avoid plain starches, but I'll stay fat before I'll give up my fruit, dairy or high-fibre whole grains!

I like the advice of Dr. Yoni Freedhoff of the Bariatric Medical Institute in Ottawa - live the healthiest life you can enjoy.

Thanks for the support ladies! Today is going much better even if I've only eaten 600 cals. The NUT with the bariatric program (as well as the one I see here at home) both do the food pyramid. I'm leery to say it because I don't know WHO trolls the boards but basically I'm only following the recommendations to qualify for surgery. Post op I will do what works for me which is the same stuff I see on the main VSG board. My cals will likely be under 1000 for the next week while I get back on track. Now in the "good" news department, the ice cream I ate was something I would have died for in my old life. It was OK. So regardless of poor choices, the hard work to detox from all the white carbs still works.

Thanks again for being so supportive. I really really really appreciate all of you!