My new morning routine

I feel like I have been doing this weight loss thing for so long now...2 years. Most of us here have. I am really tired - tired of thinking about getting to some goal weight, tired of counting calories, tired of the scale never moving. Just tired of the never ending thoughts of food and scales and weight and oh my...my brain is tired. But, I never get the feeling that I just want to give up...after 2 years of doing this, it's just kind of normal...

But frustration was definitely getting the better of me. I went through 6 weeks where all I could do is cry every day....really for no reason. I finally pulled myself out of the slump, but I was still frustrated with the scale. I was weighing several times a day just hoping it would magically hit 199. But it only went up.

So...i'm on scale "detox". I put the scale in my closet. I am working on getting away from this frustration which really only holds me down in the long run. I have decided, as much as possible, that I will not let the number on a scale determine whether I am having a good day or bad day, a fat day or skinny day. I would weigh myself and look in the mirror and if I didnt like the number, I would just find everything wrong with myself.

But now, I skip the scale, and look in the mirror every morning, and remind myself how mch better I look, and work on finding the positive side of things - my toned arms, my skinny waist, etc. So, today is day 3 of no scale - and its my 3rd "skinny" day - I leave my house feeling a lot better about myself. 

My goal is to start eating/exercising without obsessively wondering/thinking that it should make my scale move, and starting making choices because it's the healthy thing to do. I'm going to try and just focus on following my plan for the sake of a life style change. I dont know how it's going to go...but I am going to give it my best shot.

I feel like no matter how far out we get - we constantly have to be looking for ways to improve ourselves, and make progress. I will never be perfect, or even close to it, so periodically, I will re-evaluate things and challenge myself. That's my promise to myself :)

On the upside, I start working with a therapist in a week and a half. Ive been extremely resistant to the idea but I realized i have nothing to lose at this point.

I commented to your earlier post that I broke up with my scale. 

I'm a HUGE advocate of therapy; so, I'm glad that you are giving it a try.  It can be raw at first and I was a bit impatient and wanted to rush the process along, but I'm so glad that I did it.

As for the scale, it is all about how you look at it. The way I see your situation is this:  you are already below 200. You know that you have at least 15 pounds of skin.  Oh, I get that you want to be below 200 before the surgery!- me too! I absolutely want that.  But really, don't diminish your accomplishment thus far.  That would be an injustice that you do not deserve. So keep looking in the mirror and reminding yourself of your progress.  But a mantra is useless if you don't believe it.

I think that the reason that I haven't been as diligent about calories is that I kind of got 'tired' of it all myself. I'm just willing to go at this at a slower pace than I was going earlier.  I still see progress in my fitness level.  I'm still paying attention to water and protein.

I spent over a decade at 300+ pounds and two decades at 200+ pounds.  If I take an extra few weeks or a couple of months to get below 200, ok. But I know that I will get there.

I think what has been bothering me the most is just the bi-polar cycle of emotions all related to the scale. I am ok and content with my weight and size as long as i can stay off the scale. When I obsessively weigh, I feel like I am defined by that number. If I eat 600 cal one day and gain 2 lbs, I feel like a complete failure. Ive been at this long enough to know that the feelings are irrational and its impossible to gain weight, but the scale just has this control over me.

But 3 days off the scale, and I have more positive thoughts running through my head - I dont hate my reflection in every mirror like I do when the scale tells me I suck....so, i am just trying to focus on those things while still losing weight, but I need to just stay away from the scale. It's really like an abusive relationship for me.

I'm so glad to have you to keep me in check :)

Im right there with ya girl. No more scale and obsessing over calories and exercise. just going to do what feels good and right for my body and mentality.
The weight will come off... slowly but surely.

I wish I could drag myself away from the calorie obsession but im still tracking and measuring everything I eat :-p

I would track if I wasn't so lazy. I think that I am more impatient or more lazy than I am obsessive.  I know from history that tracking is good for me.  But I just find it so incredibly annoying and tedious! I'd rather just follow certain rules and be done with it.

I do feel pretty normal.  Meaning, I don't feel like a surgery patient anymore.   I consider myself to be like many other poeple trying to lose weight. I exercise and watch what I eat. For me, my results reflect my eating. 

 I kind of wish I could wing it but I think that my compulsive eating/binging kind of swung the other way and now is manifesting itself in an OCD kind of obsession with tracking. I get severe anxiety if I dont have a nutrition label and I can't measure my portions. So...in due time, I will be working on resolving that so that maybe one day...I can eat like a normal person. It's funny because I was fine for a good 6 months where mentally, I felt okay and I wasn't like this...it has been more of a recent devlopment. 

You have done so well that whatever you are doing rocks :))

It is probably a more recent development because you were getting a 'high' from the big drops early on.

You are doing fabulous work in your journey!! Obbsession with scale and tracking and tTIREDNESS of weight weight weight food food food EXCERSIZE EXCERSIZE EXCERSIZE did we eat to much much much or not not not enough enoughe enough and the constant desire to get to a goal goal goal!!!! Fear fear fear of failure failure failure or and sometimes even success success success!! Constant of people watching us change and waiting to see what we may screw up on to fail. These are things that can drive us insane to. At least for me. There is more I know... But do you get the drift. It is all out there. People see success, we see success, so there will lay out doubt to, even as much as we say we do not want doubt or fear!

Tweaking the things in our journey, fine tuning things, can be exhausting! The further out in our journey it gets harder. Counsel may just help. Never hurts to try if you can afford it!

Patience patience and patience, this is SOMETHING I HAVE TO CONSTANTLY REMIND MYSELF OF!!

You are amazing lady!! You will make it in your journey....LOOK AT HOW FAR YOU HAVE COME AND IN TIME YOU WILL SEE EVEN MORE HAPPENING IN YOUR LIFE!!!

HUGS OUT TO YOU!!

 I think  you are going to be really happy with NO scale.  I feel so much better about myself.  I still track, because I am curious to see how my calorie are affecting how I feel.  If I dont eat enough I feel kind of crappy, but that does not happen often.  Now I am getting "brave/stupid" and trying a few sweets or foods I wouldnt normally eat and I need the accoutability of the tracking.  I track it all, sweets, alcohol, regular food and fluids.  It really does help remind me that the drink I had with the girls does have an impact. 

You may be feeling crappy about where you are, but I look at your and am SO impressed with what you have accomplished.   I had a 3 day streak where I didnt exercise and ate like a human garbage disposal.  I was just absolutely sure I was going to fail, maintinence was going to be impossible and I should just go one and give up on it.   It was bizzaro!!!  The hubs thinks it was because I got off my running schedule. He swears running is therapy for me.  :)  But I was really disturbed that I could so easily slip back into those crappy habbits.   

You are not alone on the the thought of therapy.  I have never thougth I had a issue with food, more of an issue with not moving and just overeating, but now I have to wonder.  Do I self medicate with food? 

We are all a work in progress.  I wish you all the best with your break up....its hard not to get that little bugger out of hiding and step on it just to see.  

Kat