Living a double life

 When I was going through my 6mth pre approval process I was excited and basically told my close friends and all of my family that I was planning to have wls. So basically all the people that I interacted with during that phase, I shared my decision with.


I don't feel the need to discuss my surgery with anyone else. I sorta have my own little "wls friends"circle. I have a really good bond with the people from my 6th month class, I have OH and my sister and 3 of my friends who had wls last year.

People at work , neighbors, fb friends and people I went to school with comment on my weight all the time BUT I never mention my surgery. Some have even told me about their friends or family "who had to have surgery because they needed extra help loosing the weight" (LOL). 

I am by no means ashamed of my surgery it's just i don't wanna hear other people's opinion or trying to dispell any myths they might have about surgery or want people asking me questions or watching what I eat. I also don't want to take any credit away from myself. My weight loss has been gruelingly slow and I have worked extremely hard for every pound I've lost.

So while I hang out with my friends from NUT class and post regularly on OH I talk about wls all the time. BUT outside of that I don't wanna talk about it.

Is anyone else living a double life?

 Up until the last month or so, I've been very open with everyone about my wls. But a couple weeks ago, a lady at work asked me what I was doing and i immediately blurted out "working my ass off " lol. I didn't get a chance to explain but she started taking about having wls and made a comment about how great I am to do it without...I didn't say anything but I felt awkward lol. But honestly, I don't feel like my first reaction is wls bc at this point, my weight loss is pretty much all me. 

It does feel like a double life but I'm not intentionally trying to hide it but im
Not shouting from the roof tops like I used to. 

Once I told my family and a few friends I was having WLS, I decided just to tell everyone. I figured you can only keep a secret with 1  other person----tell 2 and the word gets out.  Sometimes even family members are a little "free" with the info they give.  So 2 years ago---everyone was in on the info.

Now ---not so much. I don't keep it a secret. But if I haven't talked to someone in the past 2 years, I figure I'll tell them if the situation comes up. If not I just say something like----"working hard to lose more weight". I don't deny it---just don't offer it up as quickly. Basically because I just getting tired of talking about weight related issues. It just seems to dominate my life at times.

       As big as i was at 380 pounds.   I actually had people trying to talk me out of get weight lose surgery.  So Many people I have known and work with as Nurses have known people who have died after having surgery especially with a high B. M. I.   My own sister. Who a R. N.  tried to talk me out of it.  My nephew wife who is dietian.  Told me not to have the surgery.  That could help me lose the weight though diet program.  Do you know how many diet programs . i have been on in my life. Friends of mine who are Nurses. My sister was just afraid.   I was going to die.  Since,  My brother died with in two years of having  his surgery.  It is a fact.  That many people with high B. M. I. die within five years of having weight  surgery.  That was the first thing my surgeon told me.  As a Medicare patient.  But, At the time.    I hated my life so much.  I almost could not walk .   I was so big.   I just hurt all the time.  I could see the disappointment in my family eye everytime they want to go somewhere.  Because, For me going out  was never fun. I was the point that if i died it would not have mattered.    Dying would been a blessing than to stay trapped with in my body.  After losing 160 pounds.  All can say.   I only wish I could of had the surgery sooner.  I also hate that people think because, You have had the surgery that do not have to work you ass off in the gym.  You many lose 90 pounds with the surgery but,  Everything after that is your hard work and keeping it off.  That is up to you too.  I had to work my ass off to lose weight even with the surgery.  My surgeon made me lose 80 pounds before surgery.  I had to work my ass off everyday in the Gym.  I  only lost 60 pounds and it took more than a year.   So who I share my story with matters and It is not always easy.

 I'm like that too.  I've told my family and my best friend, but I haven't told anyone else.  If someone asked "would you have that surgery", I'd answer them with "I already did".  But no one has asked that, so I haven't told anyone.  It's not really a secret, but like you said, I don't want to have a conversation about calories, death, someones aunts cousins sisters brothers girlfriends mother dying after the surgery.  I have a strong support system in my family, church and weight loss support group.  That's enough for me.

This may not be the case for you, but 80% of the people I know didn't care enough to help me with my weight when I was gaining it, so I'm not really going to stop what I'm doing to tell them how I'm losing it, unless they care enough to ask.

I pretty much told everyone in my life...on facebook...old high school friends and people like that I said nothing. I did tell a couple when they messaged me on the side and the instant they heard WLS it was like ohhhh well you took the easy way. Kinda pissed me off since ummm hello almost weigh 400 pounds, lost and gained back plus more 7-8 times in past 10 years..but okay yeah lets not do something that makes it easier (people are F'ed up in the head...if they gave it some damn thought instead of repeating that dribble about the easy way out crap they might get it). Since then I dont go out of my way to say much. At this point anyone important in my life knows and fully supports me and those are the only ones that count. And it isnt easy any more...I still have at minimum 50-60 pounds I want to go just to get down to 160-180ish...I barely lose now and got get my butt to the gym and watch what I eat just like everybody else who is watching their weight. I have a weird unreasonable fear of the gym that I have to break LOL.

I think everyone needs to be an open about it as they are comfortable. If you aren't comfortable talking about it- then you don't have to. Don't feel bad about it, it's a personal issue and it's no one else's business but yours.

I, however, tell everyone that will listen because I want everyone to know about this surgery that saved my life. But like I said, that's just me, and I tend to over-share anyway! LOL!

 I'm good ladies and very happy about my decision to have wls I just don't want all my social interactions to revolve around it. I guess by own only discussing wls with certain groups of people I maintain a sense of normalness in my life.

Hey Dori,

You know I live that life as well but I honestly don't feel that anyone else "deserves" to know - I told the "important' people in my life and the rest get the response of "I'm eating better and working out" -- which is the truth (don't want God to punish me).  From what I've learned about you in this short 6 months is that you share when it's appropriate and in the right cir****tances.  You know I'm always posting stuff on FB but NEVER say -- I've had wls and am absolutely fine with it.  As a matter of fact, I'm hoping to post that I'm no longer "OBESE" and happy to be "overweight" by the end of May

Just do you sista!!!!

You did what was right for you. Its simply not everyones business, and if you chose to share with the world - good on ya!  if not - good on ya!!  For some of us it has to do with being comfortable, i guess, but for others of us, its simply not your business, unless i feel led to share.  And thats okay!!

you did what you felt was right.  Thats all you can do!