reality check (x posted)

 just wanted to share something that happened yesterday.  I really hope this doesn't happen to anyone else, if it does, I am so sorry.  I just wondered how everyone else deals with things like this. 

Yesterday my husband and I were in a store looking for some new walking shoes, when this girl walked by, stopped, no parents in sight and looks at my husband, then looks around him to me and says "they both fat".

This girl was at least 9 or 10 years old, old enough to know how rude that is.  It was a stark comparison to all the good things we have been hearing lately.  Friday alone I had three people stop me to say how they can tell I have lost weight and how I am looking good.  

We have each lost 75lbs, and I want to be happy about that, but then 75lbs is a long way to go when your starting was almost 550.  It really makes it hard to celebrate 75lbs lost.  

We turned around then and left.  My husband was just plain mad, but I of course burst into tears when I got in the car.  

HOW can people not teach their kids how insensitive and hurtful those things are?  Her parents were no where to be found, and even if they were, would they have said anything to them? 

 Yes, that was incredibly rude and at 9 she definitely should have a filter. So sorry your feeling were hurt.

You know, back when I was pregnant with my daughter - and fat - I was maybe a size 22 back then.  This little girl YELLS, "Mommy!  Look at the fat lady!!!"  I walked near her mother and said, "LOOK! A PREGNANT LADY! Oh, and look at the lady with the RUDE child!"  The lady called me a "*****", the husband looked ashamed, bid me a "nice day," and looked down at the ground while being drug away.

Upon thinking it through, the small girl didn't know better, but I was really trying to give the parents the wake up call.  I used to teach, and took every opportunity to have frank discussions with any child who felt the need to ask me about my weight.  Not many 400+ pound folks roam the public spaces - and back then, barely any 300+ pounders did, either.

We can only be SEEN, and hopefully doing something positive (not scarfing down food at the food court).  Many people think it is all right to say rude comments to fat people, even ADULTS.  The only thing you can do is smile, and if they want to talk, educate them.  DO NOT HIDE BECAUSE OF A COMMENT THAT MIGHT HAPPEN.  It hurts, but not long ago was it common to say rude things to a person of color.  Would you allow your 10 year old to say "Look at the black lady"???  Nope, because we LEARNED it was wrong.

I am very sorry you were hurt, and if I were there, I probably would have told the little child a few choice things wrong with her (clothing, teeth, freckles, etc).  Pointing out that NONE of us are perfect is the route I probably would have chosen...

Big Hugs!
Brenda  : )~

Thanks so much for your reply.  The thing I guess that bothers me most is that this wasn't a "little" girl, she was overweight for her size, a lot like I was at her age, and I don't know if she had never seen two big people of a different race than she was or if she just hasn't been taught any better, or if she is just a rude little brat, but it just really hit me hard.  It was like she was walking by, stopped, took a step back and then said what she did.  It made me feel like a freakshow character.  I know it's just a little kid, but it still really made me feel like I wanted to crawl in a hole.  I wish there had been parents around, but I know me, I would have been passive and just walked away, like I did anyway.  I guess it was just "the icing on the cake" of a really sh*tty day!

Trust me, 75 lbs free is a lot. You are right in comparison it seems small to your goal..... But think of the major changes that have already occurred to the positives. Positives and negatives are what we can make them into. If already a ****ty day... It makes it rough to change the perception of why the young girl did what she did.

When something happens.... I have learned that I can make the reasonings behind them into my own story and perception and can often times turn to the positives.

Example: little girl plump. her mom must be fat. she sees man and women. "they both fat". she desire mom to find someone...she now sees hope. she verbalized this aloud. not thinking hurt.

OK, SO IT MIGHT BE A WEAK EXAMPLE.... But hope you get the drift. Practice it... It can help change negative perception.

Kids need to be taught. Ignorance is in the world. We have to find coping skills and there is so many.

Hugs,
You both are doing fabulous and are on good pathways!! HOT HOT HOT!!!

Sherrie

Try not to focus on how much you have to lose because 75lbs is fantastic. That's not easy - you've worked hard for those 75 lbs, and trust me, it makes a big difference.


I used to hate going to see my in-laws because my niece would always comment on how fat I was - she was 4-5 yrs old. Her parents were always embarassed, but I just had to remember that my size has nothing to do with who I am as a person.

My nephew who is 12 will make comments some times, and he's old enough that I get to just slap him :-p But he's super super skinny with ribs showing and his mom has made him very conscious of weight issues, so I blame her for the most part.


I'm sorry this happened to you - I was teased my whole life and I know how painful it is, but just know that you are an amazing person and that little girl clearly has issues (and her parents). There's no surgery for stupid parents.

LOL "no surgery for stupid parents" that is awesome!  Thank you for that!  :)

That sucks to hear, I know- I've been there, however,  other people's opinions have no bearing on you as a person. Who cares what some little kid thinks or says? You are not defined by how others perceive you.

You have already done some amazing work. Go pick up a 75lbs bag of dog food and you will be amazed. Think of how much better you already feel, and how wonderful it will be to get even more excess weight off. Those are the feelings you need to focus on.

You've got to just brush off the ignorance of others because, they don't care, and more importantly they don't matter. Instead, focus on how strong and wonderful you are!

I know it isn't easy, but you can do it!

 About 16 years ago I was at the mall my hubby worked at and in the elevator a little (maybe 7) boy pointed at me and said " Hey that lady is fat". The mom then said to her son "We don't say things like that to people even if its true". Really? I then pointed to my friend next to me (who is black) and whispered loudly "Have you taught her that there are black people too?" while pretending to discreetly point to my friend. OMG the laughing that started when they ran off the elevator, it turns out the story got back to my hubby's store before I did. I know I'm such a trouble maker.

75 pounds gone forever is a great accomplishment!  Don't let anyone make you feel inferior or bad about yourself!