Dating help!!

 Good point - I think I need to deal with my own embarrassment over having been 200lbs heavier - I think that's my real issue. I am proud of myself so I need to focus more on that. 

This was interesting to read and kind of gave me a new perspective on the whole dating thing. For me dating has always been an issue because I dated the same guy from elementary school till like two years post high school...well that and my weight. Ive since been in serious relationships but all of them have been men that I meet online and they have mostly been long distance. When you do that you dont really date because you see each other days at a time. So to be honest I dont have that much experience with dating...but my point (sorry it took so long to get to this point lol) is that I was discussing dating with another one of my overweight friends and we were talking about how we hated dating because it was so stressful. We are both very outgoing and the funny fat girls so we never worry about personality but the thing we worry about the most is them caring if we are "fat". Then I went on this rant about how nice it must be to be at a healthy weight and to date. I was like oh if I wasnt fat I would be completely confident and I wouldnt get nervous at all. But I guess this shows me that even people that are at a normal weight struggle with dating insecurities too. I guess I have been naive in thinking that part of my life would change completely once I lose weight but after reading your post i was like "oh ****"! I havent even thought about that.

This has been such a fun discussion. Because it really illuminates that everyone no matter what size, shape, etc has insecurities to do with their body.

They do say honesty is the best policy. But the thing no one has rules about is when things need disclosed and how much disclosure there is.

Danni is right on the money that a big tip to everyone is no matter what you decide - do it in a positive manner and it can really help the impact.

I don't have the skin issues yet - but hope to soon! LOL But whether you are in a committed relationship or considering a relationship or just some good ole naked fun time - it comes down to trust. When you are with someone new or for the first time - you haven't had to trust them with something that is so personal. I think we all fear rejection of that and that is totally normal. So if we just understand most of us feel that way at least a little and can let go - we find that most of the time no one cares about the extra skin because they are enjoying themselves and have their eyes rolled to the back of their brain any way if everything is happening in the right way.

You guys are all awesome. I hope this helps!

Brenda~

This is just general since we're on the subject of dating. I just got out of a 4 year relationship so I'm going to have to do the dating thing soon. I never found it hard to find guys who were interested in me while I was large, but I don't know how I'm going to find someone while I have the skin issues. On some real **** fat is kind of "normal" now and someone knows you're fat when you walk up to them so you never really have to reveal it, but skin issues are not something that anyone ever really sees up close and personal and it's pretty much a shocker. I am terrified of dealing with this part. Sometimes I think I'd rather stay fat when it comes to this part of it actually.

As far as revealing surgery, I say you should eventually but you don't have to right away. I know that when I was dating and I had major hair loss issues I felt like giving up on dating all together because I didn't want to tell any of the guys but I didn't want them to end up with a bald chick either and me have to suffer with them leaving after they found out. The reality about wls surgery is that this **** is pretty common and I think that most guys will be accepting of it. I was shocked that most of the guys that I told about my "baldness" were totally cool with it. You'd think they would have ran at me telling them I was going to be bald in a few months but they didn't even trip. I didn't end up being bald, but still.

I'm recently back on the dating scene too. 

Personally, I think you should just be open about it.  DO NOT quit the dating scene!  I have always just openly talked about my weight loss and the surgery.  In the 5 guys I've dated, EVERY one of them was super impressed and seemed to have a lot of respect and admiration for all I've achieved so far.  I have NEVER gotten a negative response at all regarding it.  It's been an incredibly empowering experience to not only be open about my surgery, but to have such amazing responses.  I say GO FOR IT and tell the guy.  I've seen your pics, and I have no doubt he will be as amazed at your achievements.  The fact is, YOU ARE AMAZING and you shouldn't ever be afraid to share what has made you the woman you are today!