I don't like being around "those people" [the rant of all rants]
I've been meaning to say something about this for a while, but I've been so afraid to do so. It's one of those things that I'm not sure I know how to say correctly, and I don't want to be offensive or judgemental... but it's just been on my mind so much that I have to get it out. Sorry in advance if this ruffles any feathers, and sorry that it's so rediculously long.
Note: When I say "you", I'm just saying that as a general term for a random person, not anyone on the board.
---
I know a lot of aggressive, snobby "WLS Pushers". That sounds so horrible, but it's true. I don't fault ANYONE for being happy/proud of their weight loss, whether it's 10 lbs or 500 lbs. Congratulations on your improved health. I'm super glad you're excited. I'm a proponent of WLS. Heck, I had it and I'm glad I did! But I think some people just take it WAAAAAAY too far.
What do I mean by that?
I mean, stopping a random heavyset person, pulling out your "before" picture and talking to them about the miracle of WLS for 45 minutes. Just being around that sort of behavior makes me uncomfortable. I don't think there's anything wrong with dialouging about WLS, especially if you're in an appropriate place (like group meetings for WLS patients or the WLS doctors office), but even then I think people should choose their words carefully. Knowing how sensitive some people-of-size can be about their weight, I'm astonished at the lack of tact some ex-heavy people can have.
I don't like it when people who've had the surgery try to press other heavy people to do the same. Again, I don't think it's wrong to broach the subject with people you know, or even a stranger if you're in the right setting, but there's a way to do everything. I've had a friend outright tell me that if I didn't have this surgery I was going to die. Of course at 460 lbs I knew my life was in danger, that's not the issue. I had a doctor tell me my weight was killing me, and that was hard enough to hear... but hearing it from a friend (a friend who'd known what it was like to be heavy) who only said it to be mean and cruel was heart breaking.
I think if you manage to tactfully bring up the subject, but the person doesn't like the idea of WLS, we should respect that. Don't tell people they'll never lose it all by just dieting and excercising. Don't quote statistics (cause I know we HATE it when people come to US and tell us that 90% of WLS patients shrivel up and die because they had the surgery). Don't beat them over the head. Don't roll your eyes and just assume they're going to balloon and die because they don't want the surgery.
I know people who have approached heavyset strangers at buffets and talked to them about WLS while they were eating.
NO!! NO NO NO!!
I just think that's horrible.
I think we should remember that:
a) Some people are offended by the notion that they need surgery to lose weight. Don't be offended by that and preach the WLS gospel as told by St. You.
b) Not every obese person on the planet needs WLS to permanantly lose weight. There are people out there who can lose 200 lbs and keep it off forever.
c) Not all heavy people are at their heaviest. Sure they might be 280 lbs, but they could have been 550. Don't assume.
d) Just because you lost 400 lbs, you don't know everything.
e) I think if some lives in the USA and they're 70+ lbs over weight, they've at least heard of some sort of WLS, and people shouldn't automatically assume the role of "educator" and corner heavy people on the street.
f) If you've lost weight and are working to keep it off, remeber how it felt to be heavy and have people comment on your weight (especially if they did it in a public place). Maybe it didn't make you feel bad, but not everyone has thick skin.
When I was 19, I was working out at a gym and some woman took it upon herself to "train" me and talk to me about dieting, food, and all that good stuff. I was so out done that I never went to that gym again. I realize she was excited, but that sort of sudden attention about my weight made me so uncomfortable, and at the time I still didn't know how to confront people about that, especially when they weren't being mean or spiteful. (Even though that was only 6 years ago, I've LONG since gotten over my meekness when it comes to my weight.)
Then there are "weight loss snobs"; people who just live in their own world of weight loss and think everyone should join them on their planet. People who can turn ANY conversation down a road that leads to themselves and their miraculous transformation. And by any conversation, I mean absolutley ANY and EVERY SINGLE conversation. The world didn't stop revolving around the sun and start spinning around you when you lost a significant amount of weight. People who roll their eyes at someone else who had WLS and had an ice-cream cone or scoff at people who don't excersice 9 days a week.
Maybe by voicing my distain for judgemental people, I'm being judgemental. If I am, I appologize. I had a random run in on another forum where someone asked "how to WLS people manage to gain weight after surgery". I answered, and was called judgemental. (In essense I said, if someone had WLS and they keep eating burgers at Wendy's, their weight loss won't be as dramatic as someone who eats lean meats and lots of veggies. Tough? Yes. Judgemental? I don't know...)
I don't know how to bring this post to anything resembling a point. I think I just want to say that success shouldn't turn anyone into a colossal, all knowing d_ck. Be encouraging or shut the hell up and let that person keep on living and bettering their lives.
This junk has just been on my mind and I needed to vent. If you made it to the end of this post, thanks for sticking with me and reading my rant.
Note: When I say "you", I'm just saying that as a general term for a random person, not anyone on the board.
---
I know a lot of aggressive, snobby "WLS Pushers". That sounds so horrible, but it's true. I don't fault ANYONE for being happy/proud of their weight loss, whether it's 10 lbs or 500 lbs. Congratulations on your improved health. I'm super glad you're excited. I'm a proponent of WLS. Heck, I had it and I'm glad I did! But I think some people just take it WAAAAAAY too far.
What do I mean by that?
I mean, stopping a random heavyset person, pulling out your "before" picture and talking to them about the miracle of WLS for 45 minutes. Just being around that sort of behavior makes me uncomfortable. I don't think there's anything wrong with dialouging about WLS, especially if you're in an appropriate place (like group meetings for WLS patients or the WLS doctors office), but even then I think people should choose their words carefully. Knowing how sensitive some people-of-size can be about their weight, I'm astonished at the lack of tact some ex-heavy people can have.
I don't like it when people who've had the surgery try to press other heavy people to do the same. Again, I don't think it's wrong to broach the subject with people you know, or even a stranger if you're in the right setting, but there's a way to do everything. I've had a friend outright tell me that if I didn't have this surgery I was going to die. Of course at 460 lbs I knew my life was in danger, that's not the issue. I had a doctor tell me my weight was killing me, and that was hard enough to hear... but hearing it from a friend (a friend who'd known what it was like to be heavy) who only said it to be mean and cruel was heart breaking.
I think if you manage to tactfully bring up the subject, but the person doesn't like the idea of WLS, we should respect that. Don't tell people they'll never lose it all by just dieting and excercising. Don't quote statistics (cause I know we HATE it when people come to US and tell us that 90% of WLS patients shrivel up and die because they had the surgery). Don't beat them over the head. Don't roll your eyes and just assume they're going to balloon and die because they don't want the surgery.
I know people who have approached heavyset strangers at buffets and talked to them about WLS while they were eating.
NO!! NO NO NO!!
I just think that's horrible.
I think we should remember that:
a) Some people are offended by the notion that they need surgery to lose weight. Don't be offended by that and preach the WLS gospel as told by St. You.
b) Not every obese person on the planet needs WLS to permanantly lose weight. There are people out there who can lose 200 lbs and keep it off forever.
c) Not all heavy people are at their heaviest. Sure they might be 280 lbs, but they could have been 550. Don't assume.
d) Just because you lost 400 lbs, you don't know everything.
e) I think if some lives in the USA and they're 70+ lbs over weight, they've at least heard of some sort of WLS, and people shouldn't automatically assume the role of "educator" and corner heavy people on the street.
f) If you've lost weight and are working to keep it off, remeber how it felt to be heavy and have people comment on your weight (especially if they did it in a public place). Maybe it didn't make you feel bad, but not everyone has thick skin.
When I was 19, I was working out at a gym and some woman took it upon herself to "train" me and talk to me about dieting, food, and all that good stuff. I was so out done that I never went to that gym again. I realize she was excited, but that sort of sudden attention about my weight made me so uncomfortable, and at the time I still didn't know how to confront people about that, especially when they weren't being mean or spiteful. (Even though that was only 6 years ago, I've LONG since gotten over my meekness when it comes to my weight.)
Then there are "weight loss snobs"; people who just live in their own world of weight loss and think everyone should join them on their planet. People who can turn ANY conversation down a road that leads to themselves and their miraculous transformation. And by any conversation, I mean absolutley ANY and EVERY SINGLE conversation. The world didn't stop revolving around the sun and start spinning around you when you lost a significant amount of weight. People who roll their eyes at someone else who had WLS and had an ice-cream cone or scoff at people who don't excersice 9 days a week.
Maybe by voicing my distain for judgemental people, I'm being judgemental. If I am, I appologize. I had a random run in on another forum where someone asked "how to WLS people manage to gain weight after surgery". I answered, and was called judgemental. (In essense I said, if someone had WLS and they keep eating burgers at Wendy's, their weight loss won't be as dramatic as someone who eats lean meats and lots of veggies. Tough? Yes. Judgemental? I don't know...)
I don't know how to bring this post to anything resembling a point. I think I just want to say that success shouldn't turn anyone into a colossal, all knowing d_ck. Be encouraging or shut the hell up and let that person keep on living and bettering their lives.
This junk has just been on my mind and I needed to vent. If you made it to the end of this post, thanks for sticking with me and reading my rant.
Now don't you feel better! You had a lot pent up in you.
I agree with you btw. Approaching a stranger about WLS or pressuring someone about it, is no different than just flat out call them fatty.
Now, along those lines, I will like to add my pet peeve: When at a party or reception, don't ruin people's good time and mood or insult the cook by announcing that the food is fattening. No one thinks that cake or cheese dip are healthy. Make the healthy choice or don't eat. If you want a healthy option at the office potluck, then bring one or two or three. But don't announce to the room that what a person has in their mouth is deadly. You've essentially called the cook a murderer. Lead by example not by a big, rude, ill-mannered mouth. Ettiquette matters.
I agree with you btw. Approaching a stranger about WLS or pressuring someone about it, is no different than just flat out call them fatty.
Now, along those lines, I will like to add my pet peeve: When at a party or reception, don't ruin people's good time and mood or insult the cook by announcing that the food is fattening. No one thinks that cake or cheese dip are healthy. Make the healthy choice or don't eat. If you want a healthy option at the office potluck, then bring one or two or three. But don't announce to the room that what a person has in their mouth is deadly. You've essentially called the cook a murderer. Lead by example not by a big, rude, ill-mannered mouth. Ettiquette matters.
Pre-liquid diet 392; VSG'd on 6/10/11; 5'9"; SW 368/ GW 195?
Pounds lost: mth1=26.7; mth 2=21.2; mth 3=24.8; mth 4=13.8; mth 5=14.2;
mth 6=11.8; mth 7=9.2; mth 8&9= 17.2
Pounds lost: mth1=26.7; mth 2=21.2; mth 3=24.8; mth 4=13.8; mth 5=14.2;
mth 6=11.8; mth 7=9.2; mth 8&9= 17.2
Ty for sharing what is on your mind. Very well said.
It goes to that all people are individual and dance to their own beat. Respect and common sence go along ways.
Hugs,
Sherrie
Ps. I beleive we should respectfully share what it is on our minds, you have done so very respectfully!
It goes to that all people are individual and dance to their own beat. Respect and common sence go along ways.
Hugs,
Sherrie
Ps. I beleive we should respectfully share what it is on our minds, you have done so very respectfully!
MAKE IT A GREAT DAY!! 
SHERRIE <3
I love how you put it and I haven't had the misfortune to run into the WLS educator personality. BUT I have dealt with the people that "know someone that had wls and have done so wonderful and wouldn't I like to think about doing it too." At the time, no, no I didn't want to have the wls and thank you for your unsolicated advice.
I totally "get" where you are coming from!
I totally "get" where you are coming from!
~tami
I would like to add to this too, if I may.
Don't assume all people are fat or obese due to uncontrolled eating! There are, in fact, medical conditions or medications that make one obese.
Take me, for instance. Yes, I have always had a weight problem. I was over 400lbs....until I got sick. (this is mentioned more in depth on my profile page)
But in a nut shell, I had nausea, abdominal pain, and I couldn't eat. This went on undiagnosed for a year and a half. I survived on a mostly liquid diet. As a result, I lost 120lbs. (doctors did nothing....absolutely nothing about it! Some even congratulated me on my weightloss and told me to keep it up! Uh, I was SICK!!!!! Does the term "malnourished" mean anything to you?!!)
Anyway, I had a 20lb panni removal (extreme tummy tuck) and was looking good. Until my lymphedema grew out of control. Which brings me to my point.........
Once again, I am over 430lbs, can barely walk and need a wheelchair to get around. My legs are very huge and wide. People everywhere love to stare and it really peeves me off! Especially kids! I'm not talking about little 4 and 5 year olds....I'm talking 10 and 12 year olds. They stare at me as they walk by....their eyes roaming up and down my body....and after they've walked by, they turn around and continue to stare! WTF!!!!! I am sorry, but I can't just "ignore it" as I am often told! People......teach your dam#$% ugly kids not to stare!!!! I ain't shy to admit this.........but I have flipped some of them off if they turn around just so they can continue to stare! I'll give ya something to stare at......BOING! Up goes the middle finger! Some are too shocked to say anything....others I almost get into a fist fight with their parents. "They're just kids...." I'm often told. So what! Teach them not to stare!
Ok......long story short....I am now huge due to a medical condition called Lymphedema. It is very hard to treat and has nothing at all with what or how much I eat! I still have tummy troubles, but not as bad as it was to begin with.I am trying to get help for it as I speak, but there is a very long waiting list to be seen by a licensed specialist, (I have waited a little over a year now!) My name has come up ,finally, but now I am having insurance trouble! (jerks!)
So don't approach me with weightloss speeches....and keep your eyes to yourselves! (that goes for kids AND adults!)
One more thing before I end this post....(sorry, but I agree with the above posts and I need to vent!) I was waiting at a bus stop to go grocery shopping with my fiancee. We get help from food stamps and I only had about $20 left and about a week to go before we got more. I was trying to figure out how to make $20 stretch a week and feed 2 people. Suddenly, this woman pulls up in her car and calls me over to her. She hands me about $80 in cash and with tears in her eyes, told me to use it to start a new membership with Weigh****chers, who held meetings in our community. (yeah, I got the "don't take anything from strangers" speech from my mom......but I am now an adult...needed the money....and could probably beat her bony little azz!) So, I took the money, thanked her, and did I use it for Weigh****chers? Heck no! I used it to buy our much needed groceries for the week.......and that included frozen pizza and ice cream!
Don't assume all people are fat or obese due to uncontrolled eating! There are, in fact, medical conditions or medications that make one obese.
Take me, for instance. Yes, I have always had a weight problem. I was over 400lbs....until I got sick. (this is mentioned more in depth on my profile page)
But in a nut shell, I had nausea, abdominal pain, and I couldn't eat. This went on undiagnosed for a year and a half. I survived on a mostly liquid diet. As a result, I lost 120lbs. (doctors did nothing....absolutely nothing about it! Some even congratulated me on my weightloss and told me to keep it up! Uh, I was SICK!!!!! Does the term "malnourished" mean anything to you?!!)
Anyway, I had a 20lb panni removal (extreme tummy tuck) and was looking good. Until my lymphedema grew out of control. Which brings me to my point.........
Once again, I am over 430lbs, can barely walk and need a wheelchair to get around. My legs are very huge and wide. People everywhere love to stare and it really peeves me off! Especially kids! I'm not talking about little 4 and 5 year olds....I'm talking 10 and 12 year olds. They stare at me as they walk by....their eyes roaming up and down my body....and after they've walked by, they turn around and continue to stare! WTF!!!!! I am sorry, but I can't just "ignore it" as I am often told! People......teach your dam#$% ugly kids not to stare!!!! I ain't shy to admit this.........but I have flipped some of them off if they turn around just so they can continue to stare! I'll give ya something to stare at......BOING! Up goes the middle finger! Some are too shocked to say anything....others I almost get into a fist fight with their parents. "They're just kids...." I'm often told. So what! Teach them not to stare!
Ok......long story short....I am now huge due to a medical condition called Lymphedema. It is very hard to treat and has nothing at all with what or how much I eat! I still have tummy troubles, but not as bad as it was to begin with.I am trying to get help for it as I speak, but there is a very long waiting list to be seen by a licensed specialist, (I have waited a little over a year now!) My name has come up ,finally, but now I am having insurance trouble! (jerks!)
So don't approach me with weightloss speeches....and keep your eyes to yourselves! (that goes for kids AND adults!)
One more thing before I end this post....(sorry, but I agree with the above posts and I need to vent!) I was waiting at a bus stop to go grocery shopping with my fiancee. We get help from food stamps and I only had about $20 left and about a week to go before we got more. I was trying to figure out how to make $20 stretch a week and feed 2 people. Suddenly, this woman pulls up in her car and calls me over to her. She hands me about $80 in cash and with tears in her eyes, told me to use it to start a new membership with Weigh****chers, who held meetings in our community. (yeah, I got the "don't take anything from strangers" speech from my mom......but I am now an adult...needed the money....and could probably beat her bony little azz!) So, I took the money, thanked her, and did I use it for Weigh****chers? Heck no! I used it to buy our much needed groceries for the week.......and that included frozen pizza and ice cream!
Do you see the glass as half empty or half full? I say, what difference does it make--I paid for a full glass,so either way I am getting jipped!!!
A friend of mine gained weight from fertility treatment. She has a son now, but never lost the weight. She was never overweight before and didn't really know what to do. Now, her husband wants her to do it again.
My low thyroid was undiagnosed for 4 years. I had symptoms from 1999 to 2003. My thyroid was completely removed because it had been ignored for so long that I developed 2 huge tumors. I gained over 100 pounds during that time.
My low thyroid was undiagnosed for 4 years. I had symptoms from 1999 to 2003. My thyroid was completely removed because it had been ignored for so long that I developed 2 huge tumors. I gained over 100 pounds during that time.
Pre-liquid diet 392; VSG'd on 6/10/11; 5'9"; SW 368/ GW 195?
Pounds lost: mth1=26.7; mth 2=21.2; mth 3=24.8; mth 4=13.8; mth 5=14.2;
mth 6=11.8; mth 7=9.2; mth 8&9= 17.2
Pounds lost: mth1=26.7; mth 2=21.2; mth 3=24.8; mth 4=13.8; mth 5=14.2;
mth 6=11.8; mth 7=9.2; mth 8&9= 17.2
OMG! I completely stopped taking my thyroid med for a couple of months now. I also have a slow thyroid. I am a bit happy because my extremely thin hair is finally growing back. I hope to see my doc soon and I'll see if she has any alternitaves for a sluggish thyroid. I don't want to lose my hair again, but I definately don't want to gain anymore weight eather! Thank you for the heads up on that one. And for your friend, if she doesn't feel comfortable in her current weight and her hubby wants her to do fertility treatments again, she should explain how it is costing her health and is afraid of gaining anymore weight. Especially if she was never big to begin with, all this extra weight could be putting a huge strain on her body. It's nice that her hubby wants to expand the family, but she has to make sure she can stay healthy for the family she already has. Congrats to her for having a son. Sending hugs to both of you!
((((((((HUGS))))))))
((((((((HUGS))))))))
Do you see the glass as half empty or half full? I say, what difference does it make--I paid for a full glass,so either way I am getting jipped!!!
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